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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Once you put your penis in a woman you've made a commitment
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Once you put your penis in a woman you've made a commitment And that commitment is to ejaculate . I've never known why that's important to the ladyfolk but it is . In my experience if you throw in the towel they get pretty upset . I was reminded of the first time I found this out recently . The year was 2008 . Natural boobs were all the rage , Megan Fox was a thing , designer eyeglasses were everywhere , if you didn't have a custom birthing soundtrack your baby was a loser , Brittany Spears made a "comeback" that sucked in a big way , the Spirit was not a good movie but Even Mendes was nude in it so I saw 50 times . Also I have having sex with this lady (in the ass) and she remarked to me "Oh yeah , yeah , baby this is hot , but don't cum in my ass , pull out and cum on my back ." I said "okay" . I tried , I really did , but every time I pulled out the moment would pass . Eventually annoyedly she said "just go ahead and bust a nut in my gut" she didn't say that , but you get the gist . But by then I was over it , it wasn't going to happen . So I quit . I'm a natural born quitter . This did not sit well with my female companion . Not One Bit First there was crying . Then came the stabbing attempts . It was a bad scene . As I was fleeing for my life I remembered this exchange from Seinfeld ; Kramer - I've faked it before . Jerry - You've fake it ? Why would you fake it ? Kramer - Sometimes enough is enough and I just want to go to bed . At the time it was hilarious because obviously a man would never fake an orgasm - that makes no sense , its easy for men to have orgasms right ? But I didn't know then . I know now . Speaking of sex , its alright to talk about that here right ? I think I heard once this is a SEX site . Speaking of sex , I have a penis . Think about that for a second . Its not much of penis but it gets the job done - the job in question being lady assholes . But while I was messing around with my sump pump the other day a thought occurred to me . I don't know what the circumference of my dick is and I don't want to know , but its a lot more than you realize right ? Like the pipe I was dealing with , my dick would fit in it , but just barely - and when you think about the human body ? That pipe is freaking huge . If you had a whole that big made in you you'd bleed you in 4 seconds according to my zero years of medical school . Its kind of amazing that the vagina is able to handle it even though it doesn't look like much - in the grand scheme of things its really something . Everyone knows you don't wear heels to a pool party  One of my favorite things is completely ridiculous studies that costs tons of money . Such as , recently my company commissioned a study to find out if affluent women enjoy making and accumulating money . Can you guess what the results were ? A strong majority (97  of affluent women “enjoy making and accumulating money" . Shocking no ? Rich people like getting money . You know who else likes getting money ? A segment of the population I like to call "fucking everyone" . I think before any "study" is done they should come to me and if its something stupid like this I'll just tell them and then they give me 5 grand . In more horrifying study news more than half of people who have served on juries that turned in a verdict did not understand that you are innocent until proven guilty . That's a pisser huh ? Why exactly is a jury of your peers supposed to be a good thing anyway ? Why wouldn't you want your fate decided by someone who actually understands the law a little bit . Unless you're guilty of course . Remember a while back when I was questioning why the penis works on randomly inflating with blood rather than having bones and muscles and stuff and working like a normal body part ? Of course you don't but nevertheless I found out that all other primates DO have penis bones and their junk works completely different . What's that about ? Maybe its related to the fact that humans have 700% bigger cocks than all other primates (by body mass) . I don't know . What I do know is that some people claim the penis has no bone because that's the bone god used to make EVE . Which is highly silly on many levels , but I am going to believe it because it means all women are made from dicks which amuses me . And that THEY are the cause of floppy dick syndrome . So there's a new dude at work who seemed okay at first because he actually is making an effort to learn and do his job , but he's starting to be annoying because he thinks everything is a personal slight against him . Example Dude - Hey 40 , can I fill out this TPS report with a marker ? 40Deuce - No , the scanner can't read it if you use a marker . {later} Dude - Hey 40 , what's the deal why did you reject my TPS report ? 40Deuce - Its filled out in marker , the scanner can't read it if you use a marker . Dude (getting all puffed up) - Do you have a personal problem with me ? That's like his catchphrase . He's asked everyone in the department if they have a personal problem with him 4-5 times and he's been there 2 weeks . At first I thought he was clowning around but he's totally not . Its annoying .  Blog complete please turn in your papers Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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most criminals are idiots, so technically, they are getting a jury of their peers.
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I changed from voting in every election (presidential down to local school board meetings) to registering to vote only when there was a presidential candidate I actively wanted to see in office over his opponent. Why? I was sick of receiving jury duty notices every six months. Bexar County worked out that flaw in the system, though, and trolled me from the driver's license records. A day away from a terrible job that I despised, the only down sides were that I lost money on the endeavor (the stipend didn't cover parking, let alone the meals at the courthouse price). And, of course, it was annoying that so many people were taken in my jury pool. Knowing that the lawyers had only so many potential jurors that they could dismiss on cause, the last twenty people weren't even potentially going to be on the jury. I was in that lucky twenty that knew they wasted my afternoon. And would I have been the man's peer? He was accused of assaulting a police officer in front of a number of other police officers. The police officers, including the one he was accused of assaulting, were all set to testify. The accused had opted not to testify. Though there is a presumption of innocence going into the process, the guilt or innocence existed at the time of the incident itself and is unrelated to the outcome of the jury's decision. Not telling your side of the story presupposes a predilection of the jury to disbelieve police officers. Any good prosecutor will use their exclusions on those people. Bias should be excluded, after all. More so when it doesn't favor your side.
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YOU didn't have a personal problem with him, but that scanner sure did.
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Well, to be rational about it, we women get so used to men coming easily (and too soon) that when one of them CAN't come we get all insecure and start thinking "Oh my god I must be a gross pig if I don't even turn him on enough to make him come." That said, there have been any number of times that I've told men that I enjoy the sensations of sex even if I don't end up having an orgasm (and it's the truth, not just some excuse to let them save face). So in conclusion, both genders should be freed from the pressure/expectation to have an orgasm. I bet there's some way we could make a meaningless study out of that.   
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I faked an orgasm once. Despite not being attracted to fat chicks, I decided to give in to this one fat chick's advances just to see if I was wrong. I was not wrong. I faked an orgasm to spare her feelings and get the hell out of there. Back in the 70's, my then high school girl friend (soon to be my wife), was so naïve that once she asked me if there was a bone in my dick. "Why do they call it a 'boner' then?" Weren't you paying attention in health class in the 7th grade? (facepalm...) Human male penis size is directly related to the human female's ass size. Among the various races (Caucasian, Sub Saharan African, Asian, etc.), you will see a direct correlation between the average penis size and female posterior size within each group. This is because for millions of years, humans mated front to back like all the other animals. Front to front copulation is a historically recent cultural evolution. IOW, the bigger the ass, the bigger the dick need to be in order to get in there. Some people in the world are just LOOKING for a reason to feel attacked. Its the perpetual (or professional) victim syndrome and it's more common today than ever before. I blame the Democrats. Thanks for an amusing post on varying topics 
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GregandLou dot youknow are a couple of comedians and in their series BBQ Dads they had the toilet paper tube test. Kind of like the sump pump test with less suction. That brings up an amazing coincidence. I have two coworkers named Greg and Lou that have nothing to do with that website. However one of them told me about another coworker who had faked his orgasm. He didn't do it for the sake of ending the encounter. No, he pretended to cum and then pretended to get excited enough to cum a second time. Then later on he told her and she cried. Wearing high stilettos is probably not a good idea any time you're upright. When Gangnam Style was hot there were some hot Koreans dancing in very high heels. Bones preserve better than soft parts, so they say at the Icelandic Phallological Museum. Also they must be removed when still warm or the shrinkage is permanent. The guy with the supposedly largest penis has agreed to donate his to the museum {He stresses the point, AFTER HE DIES}. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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Paper? I was supposed to be taking notes? WTF! I've been out of town and no one told me there was homework. Geez Louise. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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