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| Blogs > rm_DevilCharmZ > RidiculouslyIdioticMind |
CHANGE
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CHANGE A topic subject not unfamiliar to myself... Yet all that I had said to myself previously were 'its coming'... Not knowing when, how nor what..... All I can say was that I sensed it. Today I speak of it as it happens and unfolds... Today I speak as I sense more to come..... MANY thoughts come and go as I fear I might not be able to pen them down.... carefully. Or maybe they were never meant to be....? My mind and thoughts become segmented as I read and tell.... Suddenly so many thoughts become redundant and far away..... No longer do I care about 'right' or 'wrong'. It's as if I just knew, but it doesn't really matter.... What are our worst fears.....? MOTIONS They move in silence... In the background... Under my hands.... Or anywhere else.... Too many things not done.... Important I thought, but seemingly unimportant as time goes.... Maybe some actions are better buried behind some thoughts, and some thoughts better remain buried.... Once again I can't help but to drift back to the time where everybody 'knew' what they want and were tightly after them....Where I preferred a simple life. A who is no smarter than any other on the streets... No ambition. No thoughts. No idea. Perhaps things might have been better if it remained that way.... Perhaps it won't. Time is 'cruel' and you'll just have to 'grow' with it.... Today life is never really that 'carefree' but instead busy often. Sometimes I become that again and question myself... Life is meant to be simple though it's truly that complicated..... And this world which is full of people who are after the wrong things, just waiting so that it'll be their turn to die one day.... Probably without them realizing that for most of their lives, they probably have been 'dreaming'.... If we say life is but a dream, who is to say it's wrong? PHYSICAL I knew all that is happening to me, but I never knew it is all going to be so difficult and painful... I stopped, fall short of crossing that bridge. Perhaps many think life is that difficult.... But what is really difficult and not just about being a human.... It's about not being a human. I know I'll have to move on, in a direction I'm still not too sure.... Perhaps I'll 'stop', one way or the other.... Or perhaps I won't. But one thing's for sure, nothing would be easy.... MIND I would never have thought.... I can still change so much in my mental capability... It's like they all just fall into one big piece.... From the past, to 'then'.... To today. Who would have thought? The most amazing thing.... It's no longer about knowing myself.... But knowing people.... And the people next to the other people..... That 'connectivity'.... What they might all possibly mean....... FUTURE I just understand somehow that 'it' is going to happen.... The equation suddenly seems so clear.... The question is more like 'when'. The methodology if we try too hard / don't try too hard..... Wishes / objectives / needs / desires..... They all suddenly look so crystal-clear..... Suppression....? Letting go....? If I have no desire, what would I need to 'suppress'....? If I have no 'desire', what would I need to let go.....? FLOAT My holiday is finally coming..... For too many days I've worked too hard to satisfy others. Tigers which I knew could never truly be satisfied.... People unappreciative, with no intention to. For too many days I've been after what I want.... What I have to do..... Giving up on what I want...... So what I have to do? |
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