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Blogs > Mariana_Trench_ > poetic disambiguation

Mardi Gras Poem Series #3: Transformations  

Mariana_Trench_ 50F
1974 posts
3/8/2011 4:22 pm
Mardi Gras Poem Series #3: Transformations
One by one, the feathers dropped
He was plucking her,
His fingers across her strings, and she lay

Softly, softly...her yes, a concert,
Men and women clanging together, the grind and the push

Of music against the close walls, smelling of bourbon

Plucking her, his fingers caressing,
She was a downy swan, a barn owl, a garish parrot,
Some fragile hummingbird

A fluttering creature between his fingers,

The feathers dropped quietly,

Her greedy lips grasped his swollen cock
She draw one of the feathers across his shaft,

Shuddering

Softly, softly...his answer,to play her

Outside, the party seemed endless, a
Cacophony of gluttony

But inside was a bird taking flight, a hot jazz riff

Inside,was taking, and trembling
and

Softly, softly... wet fingers sinking, plunging,

Kissing across his chest and down his body,
Ravaging, ravishing...

Consumption, till like a bird his voice took flight,
Flew up, and spiraled around the room -
Two birds, hollow-boned and black-blinking eyes...

Two chambers of wood and sinews...
Bones and metal fastenings, the notes soaring,
Jumping about, heavy moaning sounds...

Harder...

Against her in rhythm,

Her fingers stroking...in rhythm...

Each playing, a jazz duet,

Harder...harder...his mouth like a timpani now,

And back, with her quiet eyes,
No more was she a bird, yet
Her body hot and wet, feathers adhering,
At last -
The quiet flute softness,
Gave way to just the smell of her perfume,

Dishelved, settled, sleeping against him,

She returned to human form.
Mariana_Trench_ 50F
4396 posts
3/12/2011 6:46 am
    Quoting CharlesDikkens:
    You have such a way with words... "a Cacophony of gluttony" Bravo
Thank you Charles. I am indeed proud of my word usage in that line. I appreciate your reviewing, because I know you know how it goes...speaking of....

I will be reviewing your writing today, so at some point this weekend I will respond. It is an honor to be asked. I hope you won't find me too harsh. I prefer to really dig in there. A pat on the back is not what helps, really. Right?

MT


Mariana_Trench_ 50F
4396 posts
3/12/2011 6:43 am
    Quoting griffiththomas:
    I love the music/sex/avian riff - I wonder if "his swollen cock" could be more obviously HIS cock and the barnyard bird? And I really like "garish parrot", "hollow boned black blinking" Dylan would like those.
    Just riffing myself here - the plucking double entendre is wonderful becuase it almost makes my skin crawl - so necessary, and even loving when employed to make music, but violent when done to a bird. I've plucked a few chickens in my life and it's really, really a harsh thing to do to another living thing. But you knew that already, cause that's why you used it.
    And her bird kept getting smaller - Swan, owl, parrot, hummingbird. Interesting.
    Well...enough analysis...thanks MT.
Your understanding of the layered meanings here is undeniable. The size of the birds was indeed a conscious aspect of the metaphor...meant to convey diminishing degrees of power and also a delicacy - a preciousness - of her psyche. And absolutely what was essential was that double entendre. Some of this is precisely why I feel so strongly about you.

Thank you for that "Dylan would like those," remark. One of my favorite lines is definitely the hollow-boned black blinking line...although I do also feel good about:

Men and women clanging together, the grind and the push

Of music against the close walls, and as Charles points out...the Cachophony of gluttony.

MT (very grateful and impressed)


griffiththomas 63M

3/11/2011 6:34 am

 I love the music/sex/avian riff - I wonder if "his swollen cock" could be more obviously HIS cock and the barnyard bird? And I really like "garish parrot", "hollow boned black blinking" Dylan would like those.
Just riffing myself here - the plucking double entendre is wonderful becuase it almost makes my skin crawl - so necessary, and even loving when employed to make music, but violent when done to a bird. I've plucked a few chickens in my life and it's really, really a harsh thing to do to another living thing. But you knew that already, cause that's why you used it.
And her bird kept getting smaller - Swan, owl, parrot, hummingbird. Interesting.
Well...enough analysis...thanks MT.


Mariana_Trench_ 50F
4396 posts
3/9/2011 5:49 pm
    Quoting  :
I could see you wearing a massive, intricate feather-covered mask and some semi-sheer negligee. I could see Big T in a role-play as a stranger you've never met, and you are the Mardi Gras Queen.

I really could.

MT


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