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| Blogs > gottaring > Out of the Mouth of a Babe... |
Whatcha Whatcha Whatcha Want?
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Whatcha Whatcha Whatcha Want? To continue in the vein of my last post, I decided to view my 'dating hiatus' as a period to do some casual research. I've noticed that: 1) More women/couples are sending me flirts and friend requests. 2) Men are *slightly* more polite when they email me, even though I specifically asked NOT to be emailed. 3) I've been sending a stock response to those who DO email and IM me: Thanks for reaching out, but I am currently not looking to meet or chat with anyone. Good luck and have a great weekend . Most dudes have turned around and thanked me for at least giving them the courtesy of a response. Others just walk away, which is fine with me. But.... 4) A lot of men ignore my reply and continue to send messages, asking where I live or why I'm taking a break. One guy on IM persisted with "So how can I get to know you?" to which I replied, "Well, I'm blocking you now, so the chances of that happening are slim to none." 5) Several men have emailed me patronizing messages in an effort to prove that they are somehow different, and deserve a chance to prove it. I find this more annoying than endearing. 6) One dude emailed me out of the blue this very morning to tell me that I'm full of myself, and that I should 'jus b nice', lol. Because telling strangers that they are arrogant is clearly the polite thing to do  . 7) (This one is my favorite) An unprecedented number of fellas have suggested that instead of being frustrated that I'm not finding a "boyfriend" here, I should go to Match or EHarmony because THIS IS A HOOK UP SITE. Um. It is? Let talk about that for a minute. I log into P.assion, where the homepage says 'Sexy personals for passionate people' or something to that effect. I am not passionate and my profile is not sexy, and yet they've allowed me to join. And sure, the couple pictured on the homepage are half naked and intertwined, but that doesn't mean anything. After all, Gerber baby food has a photo of a baby on the jar and well, y'all see where I'm going with that. Nowhere on MY interface does it suggest that this is strictly a HOOK UP SITE. But let's dial it back and define 'hook up'... To ME, hook up means NSA sex. Feel free to tell me your definition-- I'd be curious to know. Okay, having established that there is NO written indication that this site is strictly for random NSA sex, I am loathe to believe that there isn't room for folks who seek something in between "sex" and "marriage". So why suggest I'm better suited for Match or EHarmony? I'm not looking for a boyfriend or a husband. And contrary to the name of the of the site that most of YOU log into (A.FF), I'm also not looking for a "friend". I'm looking for someone to fuck. It just so happens that I think it's kinda important to get to know him insofar as ENSURING THAT HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE A SKIN SUIT AND MATCHING GLOVES FROM MY RATHER SOFT AND TANNED HIDE. Since when does requiring a sense of safety dictate that I'm looking for a boyfriend? If I wanted a boyfriend, I'd be more concerned with a host of other minutiae that I couldn't care less about when it comes to the reason I'm here, such as his employment or whether he prefers Sammy Hagar to David Lee Roth (he better not). BTW: I see TONS of profiles written by men which include a variation of the statement, "not looking for one night, would prefer ONE woman for FWB or dating". And here's where y'all will tell me that those men are liars who are just patronizing women and saying what we want to hear. If that's true, those men are EXACTLY the reason women here need to BE WARY and perform some DUE DILIGENCE. The MEN dug their own graves with that one. But since it's clear that some men (and women) are seeking something other than one night of passion with a total stranger, maybe this ISN'T strictly a hook up site? And MAYBE the folks at Various Inc should find a way to separate the folks who want to fuck, from the folks who want to know your first name before they fuck you. Oh wait. They did find a way. They created MULTIPLE SITES under different guises which ALL LEAD BACK TO THE SAME POOL OF PEOPLE. [Insert eye-roll here] So, while YOU many have logged into 'fuck a slut' (yes it exists) , I logged into 'passion', and somehow we both think we're on the same wavelength. And no wonder no one is getting laid around here! Let me ask you, Wise Readers...what does this site mean to YOU? When you signed up, were you looking for a NSA hookup? Or perhaps you wanted to meet someone for regular, casual sex but no commitment? Maybe you were hoping to find a meaningful relationship or spouse? Talk to me... In the meantime, I'm gonna go check out bloggeresonhiatuswhostillwantsex dot com. I just know it'll have the perfect man for me .When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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I signed up for the hot passion not just a one nighter.
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You and a few others addressed it well. This site is accessed through several different portals. You come through via P.assion. I come here via Adul.tF.riendF.inder, and each site is going to say it's for something different. The language on A-F-F implies it is a hookup site, even if that isn't what everybody wants. When I first joined A-Eff-Eff, I did plenty of hooking up. Made some great friends among those people I was with, too. But these days, I am too jaded, and too neurotic to do any of that. I also do not have a gold membership, so I can't contact anybody anyway. To me, I use the site in a very limited capacity these days, got tired of blogging, all I would get were critical replies, with back-handed compliments. I got tired of having to defend my decisions to people I do not answer to, know-it-all blowhards who think I need their assistance. So, I stopped blogging. And now, will post a blog maybe once a month or so, usually closed to comments. People who disagree with how I live my life can kiss my ass. Due to the previous comments, plus my inability to contact, I do not believe I will find a partner here. Ideally, I would like to find someone for a long-term relationship, I am not opposed to marriage, even...with someone who is on a similar wavelength with me, both mentally and physically. I do feel a site like this is a better choice than the vanilla dating sites, who are full of women with a princess mentality.
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Yuuuuupp. Nailed it.
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To answer your question when I joined is was to find sex...any sex...just please someone give me sex. But as I stayed here for awhile I found that casual sex/one nighters/who the hell are you anyway sex just wasn't for me. So I stayed but changed my appetite to sex with some meaning. I looked for casual sex with select women. Sex that included, knowing who they were, what they wanted, what they did and all the other stuff that goes along with Fuck Buddies...a terrible term by the way. I have been on here for 9 years and after discovering the "blogs" I have found myself refined down to one or two "friends" at a time who I can share my "passion" with. I think much in the same way as you express it. As a man I don't get thousands or even hundreds or even tens or even one or two emails from women who are eager to "hook up". It doesn't surprise me and I rarely email them either. I suppose that's just me...the trouble with being a woman, I suspect, is that men (and some women) EXPECT you want to have sex, multiple times, with multiple people or there's something wrong with you. That just doesn't make sense to me, but then I'm not an average man...thank heavens...and the treatment of sweet people like you abhors me. I stay now, mostly to read blogs and occasionally to contact someone new in my area who might have a kindred spirit...
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When I signed up, O was actually looking to chat with people to learn how best I could please my wife. This was back when I thought I would still have a chance of ever making love with my wife ever again. I am not convinced that is as possible now. The other reason I signed up was to perv the pics and cams. Eventually, I found the blog, and that became my new #1 reason to come here. Well, sure, I still perv, but I like blogging too, and it looks better on my profile, right?
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I'll admit it - once upon a time, I did join the site to hook up. And I did, but not without the basic screening for psychos. Which I'm still convinced I'm fortunate that I didn't end up a skin suit. Over time, though, I decided I wanted to actually be friends with those I sleep with, and since I had friends with benes with men I'd met the "normal" off-line way, I thought it could happen here. It did, but extremely infrequently. Ultimately I arrived at the conclusion that the vast majority of men here just want a hole to stick it in, and aren't that particular about who that hole belongs to. Sadly for them, I am more than just a random vag. So, I'm just blogging, infrequently. 2022... it HAS be better, right?!
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Brava! Brava! An excellent post explaining that yes, we still have standards with men we just want to fuck! The insecurity level that is present here sometimes is deafening. The newbies really do not know the lay of the land and how things really work around here. There are just too many different portals that dump into the same pool of users. It can be frustrating. I still am on the look out for those few standouts in the pile of bullshit. They have a tough rode to get to me. My hope is that they do not lose their sense of humor in the process. "For a woman there is nothing more erotic than being understood." ~ Molly Haskell Read about Me Being Naughty o-o
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Whenever I get one of those, "this isn't Match ro Eharmony" I point the towards the site FAQ which contains this Question and Response: What is the purpose of Adult.Friend.Finder? The purpose of the Adult.Friend.Finder site is to make it as easy as possible for you to meet people, using the power of the internet. At Adult.Friend.Finder, you'll find a community of people using the site as a tool to make connections and find partners for dating, romance, friendship, and a variety of encounters. To find your match, we offer several powerful features, that allow you to narrow your search so you can find exactly the kind of person you, are looking for. On various occasions, we also add new features to make your time at Adult.Friend.Finder a successful and fun experience. Notice the part in blue. If the Grand poo-bahs of the site say it's for any kind of relationship, that's good enough for me. You also highlight the way that marketing complicates things for both men and women on this site. P.ass is obviously targeted towards women; the color scheme and Mommy Porn language make that pretty obvious. ("Sexy Personals for Sex People" next to a soft shadowy picture of bare chested man with a saucy bicep tat and a woman's arms thrown around his chest. The woman's face is obscured so women can project themselves onto her. %% Adults%% Frnd% find, falls somewhere in the middle, it tries to reach the broadest audience Hawtt..match & hustl'r prsnls are aimed directly at men who are looking for quick sex. The pics and text are more sexual (as opposed to sensual) and the come ons are more graphic ("Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now", over a picture of a pair of naked boobs) You end up with the slew of people coming in through a bunch of different portals that each set up a different set of expectations. Hence, some people are, "why do you have such a stick up your ass" and others are, "Please don't talk to me like I'm a $2.00 date". I believe guys when they say they would rather have one woman than a string of them but there are a couple of challenges that can make this a challenge. If you are here for a sexual relationship how many people do you have to sleep with once or twice until you find someone you click with? What if if you are constantly being presented with someone who might be better? I know what works for me but I've got a chilly heart 
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This (and every other site) means different things to different people. I joined looking for someone that wanted more than a FWB/NSA type relationship but probably not marriage. Like you, I've received my share of people "suggesting" I try Match . com or eHarmony because, as they were so kind as to point out for you, THIS IS A HOOK UP SITE! Really? I'm wondering how that's working out for them...since they seem to have some anger issues with those of us who aren't interested in hooking up with them. Also, the sites they suggested? They come with prettier wrapping and a G rated promotion, but the people (read: men) on those sites apparently didn't get the memo. It seems the majority of them are looking for....HOOK UPS! Shocking...right? Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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When I first joined this site I was like a bull in a china shop! I soon learned it wasn't the way to go.
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I had almost forgot about the fuck a slut site, I remember when It launched. And yes I wish more people got the there has to be a Connection. Don't compromise yourself! You are all you've got!
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Excellent point that members view the site through different front ends that give them different ideas about what everyone is here for. I actually address that in my profile, saying, "If you found me on a site advertising horny housewives, teen runaways, sexy lesbians, or random sluts, don't believe the hype". As I recall I first came here thinking maybe I'd find a friend with benefits. And the first guy I became involved with probably more or less fell into that category. Over time I started to wish for something a little deeper - a boyfriend dare I say it? and harbored hopes that I'd be the one in a thousand who met one here. Because we all know some of those success stories that we've heard from other bloggers. Eventually I gave up and joined the "just here to blog" troop.   
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I wonder if this is why people end up fucking the neighbour? Just because it seems way easier than the hoops you are jumping through. I am not suggesting you fuck your neighbour however. Maybe a nice Canadian man you have met? just suggesting. I feel for you and your struggle.
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