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Blogs > LoyaltyandHonor > ♠ Ask An INTJ♠

Allow a Woman to Choose and Speak for Herself  

LoyaltyandHonor 42M/38F
Ask me for a photo
2451 posts
7/13/2008 1:40 pm

Last Read:
4/29/2009 10:54 am
Allow a Woman to Choose and Speak for Herself

I normally address issues from a neutral perspective because I don't like directly speaking for others'. I normally write to inform people of possibilities and then use that information to form their own opinion. In this particular case however I have a ton of experience so please pardon the "ranting" that may be portrayed.

We INFJs are a more feminine type of male than your average male. We are soft spoken in most situations or just plain don't speak at all unless we have something meaningful to contribute to the conversation at hand.

Due to my soft spoken nature I have had to deal with my mother, father, brother and sister always "speaking up for me". It doesn't matter if we are sitting around at a family gathering or out at a restaurant; my family members always voice my opinion about past events, current events and they even go to the extreme of ordering food for me at restaurants. The problem here is that they don't actually know what it is I truly think or feel and they rarely know what it is that I want to eat so they shouldn't be "speaking" for me.

This is a horrible thing to do to a person unless that person has specifically given you permission to do so! All people in general (especially a woman you are involved with) deserve the right to speak for themselves.

I know that a lot of males out there can tend to be a little overly dominant to the extreme of planning events without consulting with whom they are dating as well as even ordering food for a woman when they go to a restaurant. Unfortunately this flows into the bedroom as well by men only using positions that they believe the woman enjoys while having sex. Sadly a lot of this comes from prior relationship experience and most women can probably agree that you should avoid bringing old experiences into a new relationship.

Every relationship should be handled in the same type of manner that you handle meeting a new person. You meet them, get to know them and loosen up as the friendship forms. As time goes on you develop various comfort zones that are what ends of making that friendship or relationship a memorable and important part of your life.

The Kama Sutra (one of the oldest and most famous texts written) states, "If, however, she is a seasoned woman, he should do whatever is agreeable either to him or to her, and whatever is fitting for the occasion."

While the Kama Sutra is known as a "sex book" or "sex bible" it is important to remember that it was written not only as a guide for sexual pleasure but also written as a general guide to teach men how they should treat a woman.

In today's changing world, where women are fighting for independence, it is important to allow her the opportunity to choose what activities you do together, to allow her the right to say how you have sex as well as speaking freely in casual situations. Failing to allow a woman this right will often end up in a relationship taking a turn for the worse.

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