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| Blogs > LoyaltyandHonor > ♠ Ask An INTJ♠ |
Foreplay Techniques (4th Edition)
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Foreplay Techniques (4th Edition) Erogenous Zones (Stroking the fire) “Women generally like to feel that you are taking your time in pleasuring them. They do not want to feel that you are rushing to their genitals or clitoris” ‒ the illustrated guide to Extended Massive Orgasm by: Steve Bodansky Ph.D. and Vera Bodansky Ph.D. “Fabulous foreplay is all about enticing and exciting both her mind and her body.” ‒ How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure by: Lou Paget “Skin-the largest organ- covers the entire body in nerve endings. When sensitive areas are stroked, these nerve endings get stimulated and pockets of explosive sensation erupt. These touch-sensitive areas are known as erogenous zones.” ‒ Kama Sutra for 21st-Century Lovers by: Anne Hooper “In the same way that getting her in the mood requires making her feel special, turning her on physically requires giving her your full attention. Is she feels that you are completely engaged in the moment, focused on her, on being with her and pleasing her, she is bound to open like a flower in the midday sun.” ‒ How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure by: Lou Paget “A man should always make a point of pressing those parts of a woman’s body on which she turns her eyes.” ‒ Kama Sutra Many of us men can become erect within 5 to 30 seconds. Women do not have this ability, they need time for their uterus to lift and thus get the vagina to expand. If the vagina does not have the appropriate time required to expand then the moment you try to insert your penis into the vagina (penetrate), it can cause discomfort or serious pain to the woman. This is where erogenous zones and foreplay come into the picture. Erogenous zones are the areas of a person’s body in which you focus on during foreplay, and foreplay being what you normally do before you have intercourse (some of you may know or refer to it as making-out). These areas are focused on in order to delay sexual intercourse and increase physical and mental arousal. These areas (erogenous zones) are most likely the following… Mouth, Lips Neck Shoulders Breasts, Nipples Forearms, Fingers Stomach, Belly Button Lower Back Hips, Thighs (Inner or Outer) Buttocks Calves Ankles, Toes There are always numerous ways in which we can go about doing things. Take a vacation for example, some people may prefer to jump on a plane when traveling so that they may get there as quickly as possible. Others may choose to drive there (if possible) so that they can not only enjoy the place they are going, but also enjoy the scenery along the way. I did community service work for a long time out in Maine, there are two ways of getting there; one way goes mostly by interstate, and the other way goes strictly by highway. I have always found interstates to be quicker but you don't really get to see very much. For this reason I always choose the back way, it takes about two hours longer, but you get to see the open country along the way. It gives you the chance to not only take in the scenery, but to also get your mind prepared to enjoy the place you are on your way to. Erogenous zones (foreplay, making-out) are virtually the same in the fact that you can skip them and go straight for the genitals (taking the airplane or interstate), or you can take your time and enjoy each other to the absolute fullest (taking the car or scenic route). Many people who prefer to fuck will find that they want penetration as quickly and as hard as possible, again it is like taking the airplane or interstate. People who like to make love are going to take more pleasure from the added sensations and relaxation that comes from stroking and massaging every inch of their lover’s body. Seeing how relaxation is the key to a woman becoming aroused and eventually having an orgasm then it is probably best to take the scenic route now isn’t it? There is a great deal of men out there who love sports; therefore you may understand this analogy a little better. For some reason a lot of people always compare sex to its baseball terms. Personally I prefer to think of sex in a similar fashion to a stock car race. There are many ways in which you can go about racing your car, but a good racer will take it slow. He or she will get out on the track and run their car up and down through the turns to help get the tires to heat up and improve traction. If they do not do this and just step on the gas then their car is going to be slipping and sliding all over which at high speeds could cause them to loose control and wreck out early. Once the tires are ready and the race is underway… you can sit tight and draft through the first half, which will help with gas and reduce the risk of wrecking from taking an aggressive standpoint. Some drivers may prefer to just step on the gas and just try to outrun everyone on the track, while this works sometimes for the “expert” racers, it often makes the younger racers or rookies to crash and burn. Knowing when to pit is always a big thing, you want it to be with the leaders, otherwise you will fall way behind and not have even the slightest chance of catching up. Once you hit the halfway point the race becomes something totally different… You are now in a position where you must focus on winning, you can once again “put the pedal to the metal,” or you can continue to draft and sling shot in and around the pack. Again, putting the pedal to the metal is risky because you have other cars in your way. If you loose control of your car then you will not only take yourself out of the race but you will also take some of the others out of the race as well. So now you are sitting here wondering what the heck all that had to do with sex? Well you can take your time, get to know each other’s bodies (like warming up your tires). This gives you a feel for each other both emotionally and physically. Or you can just go for broke and “put the pedal to the metal” and risk thrusting in and out of her hard and fast without taking the time to fully turn her on, which could result in her experiencing pain. I do not picture to many women liking this kind of thing all that often, but I am sure that is what many men would love. (Most guys seem to just aim for the finish line and not care about anything that stands in their way). Knowing when to back off is always a very important thing. You need to keep on pace with your partner or you could finish to fast and thus leave her unhappy (like pitting in a close race, you want to stay with the leaders, in sex, the woman you are with is one of those leaders). This can always affect men if a woman finishes to fast, but a lot of women can have multiples much more easily then most men. Nearing the end, you can start hammering away or you can keep a slow pace and just worry about finishing in good standing oppose to trying to win the championship with just that one race. It can be wonderful to finish on top, but that first place victory will mean absolutely nothing at all if you caused others to wreck in the process and thus gain you nothing more then a lot of enemies. This applies to sex in the fact that if you always finish ahead of your partner then she will be left hanging in your dust. Seeing as though this woman is someone you care about, you do not want to leave her behind. You want her right on the finish line with you, let her take first place or settle for a tie, but never ever finish ahead of her. No woman in the world wants a selfish lover! The trick is to go slow, savor how she feels, allow your desire to build up to the point that you can not last for even another moment longer before you have to thrust into her as deep as possible. I know a lot of guys question the need for taking their time with a woman. It has been this way since as long as most historians can find and to help prove that I would like to point out a few things from the Kama Sutra which was written about 2,000 years ago. “While the woman is lying on his bed, absorbed in conversation, the man should loosen her undergarments, and when she begins to protest, he should overwhelm her with kisses. Then when his lingam is erect, he should touch her with his hands in various places, and gently manipulate various parts of her body.” ‒ Kama Sutra I would like to point out that this is showing that a man should in fact engage in conversation with a woman and not just talk to her when he desires sex. This is also one of the problems with how women got treated in olden times. We see that the author is in a way encouraging what we (today) would consider to be a sexual assault. Here we see a representation that when a woman says, “no” (protests) that a man should in fact listen to her and yet still try and persuade her to have sex by massaging her body, thus possibly getting her aroused and then desiring the sexual acts to come. This is a large problem because if a woman says, “no”, then a man should listen to her and not continue to pressure her thereafter. With all of the sexual assaults that happen around the world on a daily basis it leads me to believe that men still often think and act this way. It is not okay at any point in time for a man of honor to persuade a woman to do something that she does not actually feel like doing. If a man of honor is to engage in any kind of sexual activity with a woman then it needs to be something that the woman truly desires on her own and not by his cunning (persuasion). “If she is a young girl, he should first put his hands on her breasts, which she would probably cover with her own hands, and under her armpits and on her neck.” “If however she is seasoned, he should do whatever is agreeable to him or to her and fitting.” “After this he should hold her hair and chin in his fingers to kiss her.” ‒ Kama Sutra In modern society I think a lot of people only associate inexperience with virginity. Many people have the attitude that once they are no longer considered a virgin that they suddenly know everything that there is to know about sex. Therefore, when the Kama Sutra says “young” it makes people immediately associate it with a girl probably between the ages of 13 to 20 and thus assume that because of the younger age it means she is still a virgin. I will mention that a man or woman being a virgin or not has nothing to do with their sexual knowledge or potential. Previously I was speaking to an older gentleman who is a co-worker of mine about why I was writing this book. Eventually within our conversation the topic changed to my opinion on sex and how the youth of this world handle it. I was quick to mention that I think that many of the youth in today’s world are stuck on themselves and think that they know everything that there is to know about both life and sex. I stated that I believed that regardless of how many times you have sex, it would not always mean that you are learning anything new or experiencing different things. Most people often have sex the same way each time they do it and only change who it is they are having sex with. It was here that he stopped me and said, “I think you are right about this. My new girlfriend was married for 20+ years and her husband had never done anything but fuck her. Until she met me, she had never been with a man that actually believed in slow and sensual sex. While she desired to experience it, he only did what he wanted and cared very little for her. Now that she has finally experienced it, she loves it so much that she never wants it any other way. By no means am I complaining because I also like slow sex better then that rough stuff that you youngsters seem to do. I just think it is a perfect example of how correct your way of thinking is.” Here he is sitting there and confirming exactly what I was thinking. Just because someone has had sex does not actually mean they really know very much about sex. Unless someone studies and tries or just studies numerous sexual aspects in general then they will often not really know anything about sex at all. Women do in fact often cater to the sexual desires of a man before she does her own and thus it puts women in a position where they miss out on a lot of various sexual experiences. In this particular situation the only thing the woman’s husband did was fuck her and therefore she went 20+ years of her life without experiencing anything new sexually and also not gaining any kind of true sexual pleasure. She wanted one thing and he wanted something different and as usual, the husband only followed what he desired and disregarded her desires. Here we see that a young (inexperienced) woman should be massaged to help her relax and learn about what she likes best. In order to help her learn what she likes best it gives directions on specific places to touch. What is not mentioned is the fact that in order to truly learn from foreplay it would involve applying different pressures and speeds to your techniques so that a woman can see how her body reacts and thus revealing what truly turns her on or not. If a woman is seasoned (experienced) then a man should do what he knows she likes or he should listen to her if she tells him where and how to touch her. Young or seasoned, we then see that kissing is also a very important factor. Once the sexual union is finished, a man should not just get up and leave her there. He should in fact continue to show her his affection by cuddling with her and or conversing with her again. “Man and woman, being of the same nature, feel the same kind of pleasure, and therefore a man must first sexually arouse the woman by ardent love play, and then vigorously commence his sex act, so that she reaches the climax earlier or simultaneously with him.” ‒ Kama Sutra Once again we see the mention that it is very important to please a woman’s entire body so that we do not finish ahead of her. While many women might not mind the occasional misfire, they will eventually become displeased if it is a constant occurrence. There are several ways you can tease and arouse a woman; the most important thing to know is that every part of your body will provide a different sensation to her. The most common of these parts you can use are… Mouth, Lips Tongue, Teeth Nipples Hands, Fingers, Fingernails Toes, Toe Nails Now that you know what parts of your body you can use, you have to know what parts of her body to use them on. Not only does each part of your body that you use to stimulate her provide it’s own unique sensation, but the area in which you are touching her will provide another unique sensation. There are numerous ways to go about touching a woman; the following is a basic list of different places and ways to stimulate your partner. On one last note I will mention that foreplay is setting the stage for the way you will soon be having sex. If you plan on engaging in rough sexual intercourse afterwards then I would suggest you be a little firm when you are caressing her body so that she can sense what kind of mood you are in. If you want to make love to her slowly afterwards then make sure you are very gentle and loving in the ways you caress her body. Either way you desire it you should make sure that you keep pace. Massaging her roughly will probably get her set in a more aggressive mood. If you then suddenly make love to her when she felt like you were going to fuck her then you will loose your connection to her and thus probably not be able to obtain the maximum sexual pleasure possible. Always follow the rhythm in which you set! Altering it greatly can in fact ruin the pleasure and possibly even the mood altogether. The mouth: Many people often only think of the mouth in terms of kissing. While kissing is wonderful (as addressed in a previous section) sometimes there are other things that can be done to it. Finger(s): Slowly trace around her mouth. Slowly run one of your fingers across her upper and lower lips. Insert one of your fingers into her mouth so she can suck on it. Tongue: Lick along her lower lip. Lick along her upper lip. Lick the corners of her mouth. Nape of the neck: You can softly slide your fingertips or the palms of your hand along this area alone or while you are kissing her. Kissing here gently while stroking her breasts is a nice combination. Always try blowing gently while sweeping your head side to side. The ears: Not all women find the ears sensitive, some do love it though. You can kiss and suck on her earlobes or just stroke all the way around the ear with your fingertip(s). Some may choose to flick the earlobe with their tongue. Inside of the elbows: As with the back of the knees this area can be very sensitive for some people. Kissing or running your fingers around here is a nice touch though. The breasts: Not all women do actually enjoy breast or nipple stimulation as sensitivity varies from woman to woman. While some women have highly sensitive breasts, you will find that others have little to no sensitivity. The easiest way to tell if the woman you are with enjoys the stimulation is by her reaction. If you are touching her breasts and she gives out a loud or gentle moan, or closes her eyes while she thrusts her head back and chest forward, then it probably means she likes it and wants it to continue. Here are some of the things you can do if she does like having her breasts played with… Finger(s): Run small circles (clockwise or counter-clockwise) around the base of her nipples or to the tip directly. Using two of your fingers, gently pinch her nipple or roll it between your fingers. Run one of your fingers back and forth over the tip so it rocks back and forth. Flick the tip gently with one of your fingernails. Hand(s): You can cup the entire breast in your hand and gently squeeze it. Softly place your hand against her breast so that it is hardly making contact and slide your hand up and down to tickle them. (The grooves in your hands can create added friction against the tip of the nipple if you line your them up right). Mouth and tongue: Gently suck the tip of her nipple, or slide your mouth around the base and suck on all of it. Flick the tip of her nipple with your tongue (rapidly or slowly), or softly run clockwise and counter-clockwise circles around the tip and base. Blow a small puff of air against the tip of her nipple. Kiss her nipple lightly or kiss all around her breast. Lick down around the base of her breast. Lips: Gently brush your upper or lower lip against the tip of her nipple. Teeth: You can use your teeth to lightly bite or graze the tips of her nipples, however this should be done with caution as it may not be what very many women might like. Nipples: Softly press your nipples to hers and gently grind them together. This is a very nice addition for when you are kissing her. When playing with a woman’s breasts you should make it a point to alternate as to not get one overly sore. Treat them with care by doing the same thing to the new one as you just did the other. Some women seem to have varying sensitivity between breasts, it would be a good point if you knew this before tackling them as it could mean some techniques will work better on one then the other. The hands: Women love to suck on a guy’s finger to tease him and men can do the same! Suck on her fingers, and run your tongue over the tips to give her a preview of the action you are about to give her genitals when you get down there (if you are planning to). You can also run the tip of your tongue across the grooves of her hands and around her fingernails. The back and shoulders: The back and shoulders is another place that often seems to be over-looked. This area houses the spine and shoulder blades, which as we all know can provide intense pleasure when stimulated. Finger(s): Slowly dance your fingertips up and down her spine Slowly run one of your fingers along the base of her shoulder blades. Softly caress her shoulders, either at the same time or one at a time. Mouth: Kiss up and down her spine. Kiss across her shoulders. Gently blow small puffs or one long puff of air along her spine. Tongue: Lick up and down her spine slowly. The stomach: Depending on the woman’s body structure her stomach may be very sensitive. If she is someone who is sensitive then you should make it a point to spend some time here. Finger(s): Run one of them around her bellybutton. Gently slide your pinky finger in and out of her bellybutton (if you can). Slowly trace along her abs. Mouth: Kiss her bellybutton Kiss down the center of her stomach to her bellybutton and then back up. Tongue: Lick around her belly button. Dip the tip of your tongue into her bellybutton. Lick along the center of her stomach. Lick around the base of each of her abs. The buttocks: Many people are uncomfortable with having their butts played with. Make sure that the woman does not mind your hands being in this area before you approach it. If you have a green light there are several things that can be done… Finger(s) and hands: Run one up and down her crack. Gently press one of them against the opening of her anus. Do not penetrate into her, the object is to tease the muscle and get it to flex or spasm a little. Lightly tap one of her cheeks. As with the breasts you should make sure to alternate between cheeks if you are going to do this for long. Focusing on one for too long can result in getting rather sore. A little sore can be arousing, however obviously getting to sore could ruin the mood quickly. Tongue: Lick up and down her crack. Lick circles around the opening of her anus. Once again do not penetrate, you are just trying to tease the muscles. Mouth: Gently blow along her crack. Softly blow across and around her cheeks. The vulva: When it comes to light foreplay you can pay attention to her genitals, but do not become too aggressive yet. This is a good way to tease her, but also will help you test her level of arousal. If you get your fingers down there and she is soaking wet then you know she is enjoying herself and will be able to accept your penis easily when it comes time for penetration. If you do not feel much wetness then it is a good indication that you still have some more work to do. Here are a few things that can be helpful for toying, and testing this areas level of arousal before you continue further. Finger(s) and hand: Cup your hand over her vulva and gently rock it (your hand) like an ocean wave. Gently tap her clitoral hood with one or two of your fingers. Using two of your fingers, gently pull on each of her labia. Take one of her labia and run it between two of your fingers, gently massaging it. Run one of your fingers up and down between her labia. Slide one of your fingers to the entrance of her vagina and circle it without penetrating her. Inside of the thighs: I have noticed that many people approach the thighs only when they are getting ready to stimulate her genitals. If you always do this then a woman knows that the “innocent” fun is about to stop and become much heavier and intense. While this may be great a lot of the time, I do not think it would be all the time cause nobody always wants exactly the same thing over and over again. Because of the guessing game involved with this area it can really help to get a woman over the threshold. Mouth: Kiss up and down her thighs from her kneecaps to her hipbone or kneecap to just below her genitals. Tongue: Following the above, lick instead of kiss. Finger(s)and hands: Gently dance your fingers up and down. Using your hands rub small clockwise and counter-clockwise circles along her thighs. Behind the knees: For some people behind the knees are often a very sensitive area. If this area were to be normally very ticklish on them then you would probably want to avoid it. Using your fingertips to gently massage this area can feel very wonderful for some though. The feet: Some of us have very sensitive feet, actually I would say most people do. Even when ticklish the feet can provide some wonderful sensations that travel all the way back up our bodies. It would be good to make sure that her feet are clean before getting into heavy play here. If they are clean then taking a turn with sucking on each toe or licking slowly between them is something many women love. If you do not feel comfortable sucking on them then you can gently massage the heel, ball, and toes with your fingers. Using your feet: At the beginning I mentioned that you could use your feet, however I did not give any details about it above. Your feet and legs can work wonders as a helping hand when playing with a woman’s upper body. If you are in an embrace with her kissing her mouth, breasts, shoulders, or arms you can always gently rub your feet up and down her calves. You may often find a woman naturally doing this to you as a sign she is enjoying what you are doing. Doing it to her if she isn’t you is a nice add-on though. There are of course other things that can be done that I did not mention. Remember that we all like different things. I use the word “gently” a lot because I like things gentle, you can be rough if you desire, but make sure that is what your partner wants as well. Teasing can be a wonderful thing and foreplay can be a wonderful way to accomplish that. You want to know the limit though; sometimes there is such a thing as to much teasing. Once it comes to that point it is possible that she may become frustrated and then ruin her mood. |
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4/20/2011 7:27 pm |
good confirming info. liked reading, what i enjoy doing, in words.
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2/5/2007 5:33 pm |
iS TRUE MEN NEED TO TAKE TIME IN A WOMAN CARRES THE WOMAN TOCH FOREPLAY
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YW zoom968...
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Lol ellenluv... I have much work to do, will take a few years to write this because I am focusing on much more then just sex. I am glad that you liked this particular part though.
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7/29/2005 8:26 pm |
Damn, I just read your blog/book and wow! Keep going and when you're done will come over and make love to me? I would love it. You definitely are on to something here honey.
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