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Blogs > livelifefully100 > My Blog

My partner is much more sexual after drinking...How do convince her to be that way without drinking?  

livelifefully100 48M
2 posts
3/25/2015 1:09 am
My partner is much more sexual after drinking...How do convince her to be that way without drinking?

My girl is totally awesome in bed when she gets her drink on...Without it...She is completely vanilla I have communicated that I would love to hear her fantasies, do role plays, or anything she wants! She says her libido is SHATOCKY MUSHROOMS(SHIT). She takes medicine for a health condition and we have considered that as a source of her difficulty...She may also be another victom of a guilt ridden Catholic upbringing...Any suggestions for how you successfully improved your non drinking sex life? I do drink, but we can't do that 4-5 times a week...And I do not want her to develop a problem either...Curious with what ideas you all may have?

er2011rg 57M/57F
289 posts
3/25/2015 1:51 am

 Open lines of communication... continue to approach the subject...


2happyhumpers4u 76M/73F
20 posts
4/9/2015 11:07 pm

 Hi LLF100,
I have some experience with this, and a background that enables me to speak to some aspects of the issue.

My late wife (Roman Catholic upbringing) never had low libido, but nonetheless her sexual comfort factor was impaired because she had been scarred by the nuns in her school who had unjustly derided her before the class for "stuffing" her bra in 6th grade (she was well stacked, early on). It took 20 years of encouragement and affirmation before I was able to make he believe her breasts were beautiful and sexually desirable. From that aspect, you need to counsel her to tell you the nature and origins of any issue causing her shame or guilt.

Neither of us drank until we were in our 30s. I still don't But it was then she discovered she could really let go and enjoy sex to its fullest -and it was great for me, too. I didn't like her drinking but the payoff for me was hard to resist. It became a problem, however, when she started doing it on a regular basis. One day she picked me up from work and I was able to tell from the way she was driving as she maneuvered through traffic toward me that she had been drinking. I let loose on her when she opened the door and told her, "This stops NOW!" I told her she had a choice and if she chose to drink, I would no longer be in her world. Fortunately, she chose to never drink again. So what enabled her to enjoy sex so much better when drinking? It was because one of the first effects alcohol has on the mind is to shut down inhibitions. Unfortunately, one of the first inhibitions it shuts down is the one against drinking. And how did we get past this issue? In part it was because by now, she had learned she could enjoy things that she had previously been too inhibited to enjoy, and in part it was thanks to the advent of readily available pornography, which enabled her to see all the acts others were performing with joy and gusto, and to get revved up so her inhibitions took a back seat to her lust. For a year or so, we watched porn on a nightly basis (fortunately, this happened about the time our child left for college). She would call me almost nightly before I left work and ask me to pick up a movie at the video store. I didn't get a lot of sleep during this period, but wasn't complaining. Finally, she got entirely past her inhibitions and we had wonderful, unrestrained sex thereafter. I was devastated by her loss to cancer at age 55.

You mentioned medication, but not what kind. Some medications definitely can cause lowered libido. One class of antidepressant (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs) is well known for this. If she is on one of these, please ask her doctor to consider switching her to bupropion (brand name, Wellbutrin). This rarely inhibits libido.

One other consideration if none of the above work for you is to have her testosterone and estradiole levels checked. Although it is males and testicles that we normally associate testosterone with, in women, the ovaries also produce it, and it is the testosterone that drive libido in women as well as in men. High estradiole levels may inhibit testosterone effectiveness. If she has low testosterone, it can be supplemented. She needs to monitor the level so it doesn't get too high, though, or her voice will change and she'll grow facial and body hair.

I hope this helps.

Bob


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