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Sexual Ethics for a New Millennium
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Sexual Ethics for a New Millennium I was quite curious when “Sex Appeal: Six Ethical Principles for the Twenty-First Century,” a slender volume from Oxford University Press by Paul R. Abramson, a psychology professor at U.C.L.A., crossed my desk. My initial reaction was, Huh, I guess I haven’t seen an intellectual (secular) rulebook for sexual conduct (not a how-to bedroom guide) in a while, if I’ve ever seen one. And I thought, What a great idea. Sex is confusing and our options for edification are both abundant and slight. I’d say that the embarrassment of choice represented by Cosmo (and every other women’s magazine), “Sex and the City” (and every other girls-only book/TV show/movie), advice columns, and self-help books is really just an illusion of choice—or, as the theologian Oswald Chambers put it, “There is a darkness which comes from too much light.” The idea that we might be able to avoid confusion by following six clearly defined principles seemed (much like the idea of no-strings-attached sex) both seductive and too good to be true. And indeed, Abramson frames his plan in utopian terms: “Many if not all of the rewards of sex can be enhanced, and its difficulties alleviated by adherence to these six easy-to-understand ideas,” he writes. “Imagine what a better world this would be.” Abramson’s six principles are: Do No Harm Celebrate Sex Be Careful Know Yourself Speak Up/Speak Out Throw No Stones Do no harm means, essentially, don’t violate anyone using sex (Abramson focusses on both the individual level and the societal level—he is an expert on sexual assault in the U.S.—and he lays out his ideas for how we can better protect ourselves and our ). Celebrate sex means take delight in the idea of sex as a pleasure, not just as a tool for procreation. Be careful refers not just to using protection but to the sorts of relationships you enter into. Know yourself means know yourself. Speak up/speak out means allow your strange inner monologue about sex to come out sometimes; also, educate yourself on public issues like abortion, gay marriage, and . And throw no stones means don’t judge people for what they do behind closed doors. I completely agree with Abramson that if we all adhered to these principles, the world would be a much better place. But I disagree that, however gloriously simple they appear on the surface, they are easily applicable—”know yourself,” in particular, seems like something one could labor at for a lifetime without ever mastering (or even understanding fully what such a thing implies). Each demands rigor and health, intelligence and a refusal to act out of fear. If most of us were capable of meeting these demands, we wouldn’t subscribe by the millions to Cosmo, etc. Nevertheless, I do wish that more literature on the subject resembled Abramson’s book. It tips the scales, however slightly, in the right direction. |
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