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| Blogs > nerdygirl721 > Full disclosure |
Maybe I was too friendly
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You shoulder the important part of the blame, because you're old enough to lookout for yourself, plus you also have the responsibility of your daughters safety. You are right. I do have a responsibility of my daughter's safety. While I can do all I can to protect her and keep her safe, I wasn't able to keep her from this adult situation. I wasn't able to predict his unstable tendencies and when I did notice them I dismissed them as harmless. But like you stated in another post, we don't stay in an utopia society. There will be things that I wont be able to protect her from. But I can show her how to respond to things and how to stand up for herself. Even though I do feel guilt, it's because this situation has shown me that as a human being I won't be able to keep bad shit from around her. But I can minimize it.
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You are right. There is no justification for it. I for one will not live in fear. I should be able to change my mind or decide if I want to be with someone. I will put up better safeguards. But maybe there should be a blog (meaning debate) about this. To be forced to do anything against one's will is abhorrent.
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While I do agree that I should have did recon, I was flirting as a single woman. He was flirting back like a single man. With the first hello, he could have said he was married and I would have left it alone. But he didnt. If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? Or to take it a step futher, if he just took it would I still be to blame? At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that. With the first hello, he could have said he was married ... Sure, but men won't always do that, when they see a chance for some good tail. If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? .... You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react. if he just took it would I still be to blame? ... Partly, yes, because you put yourself, and your daughter, in that situation. You didn't think. But meanwhile he would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. ... So at anytime when that happens, you can go see him. So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? ... You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions. I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. .... Okay, and I'll put on record there will always be a chance you'll be sought out for sex, when their wives have a headache, too many times. I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. ... Fine, but again, you're creating a potential situation, where you're going to be shocked one of them wants to have sex with you. He ...is....a ... male. None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that. ... Not yet.
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You shoulder the important part of the blame, because you're old enough to lookout for yourself, plus you also have the responsibility of your daughters safety. You are right. I do have a responsibility of my daughter's safety. While I can do all I can to protect her and keep her safe, I wasn't able to keep her from this adult situation. I wasn't able to predict his unstable tendencies and when I did notice them I dismissed them as harmless. But like you stated in another post, we don't stay in an utopia society. There will be things that I wont be able to protect her from. But I can show her how to respond to things and how to stand up for herself. Even though I do feel guilt, it's because this situation has shown me that as a human being I won't be able to keep bad shit from around her. But I can minimize it.
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While I do agree that I should have did recon, .... Okay so that's all there is to this really. With the first hello, he could have said he was married ... Sure, but men won't always do that, when they see a chance for some good tail. If I say that I dont want to fuck you cause you're married, does that then give him the right to stalk me or approach me while I was with my child? .... You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react. if he just took it would I still be to blame? ... Partly, yes, because you put yourself, and your daughter, in that situation. You didn't think. But meanwhile he would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. At any point in time, when new information is made available I may change my mind on if I want to fuck. ... So at anytime when that happens, you can go see him. So since my mind was changed does that means that he is justified to still pursue me? ... You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions. I want to put on record that I do have married men as friends, some of them I know their wives and some I don't. .... Okay, and I'll put on record there will always be a chance you'll be sought out for sex, when their wives have a headache, too many times. I don't agree that I shouldn't be platonic friends with married men. ... Fine, but again, you're creating a potential situation, where you're going to be shocked one of them wants to have sex with you. He ...is....a ... male. None of the other married men I know have ever came at me like that. ... Not yet. The only thing I want you to say is what you really think. I don't want you to pander to me. You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions. Look above at my first statement. I'm aware that I can only control my own actions. In every responses I've made, I've admitted to things I should've done differently. But I refuse to make excuses for someone who is significantly older than me and should know better. Using the excuse that he is a male does not give him the right to try to force the issue. I'm not saying that you have to agree with me, but I refuse to go around acting like a bitch just because one man couldn't control himself. I tried to keep things peaceful by being nice. Things got out of hand. With everything that happened I tried to do the right thing. I appreciate your comments and it gave me alot to think about.
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You want me to say , "No it doesn't", but again, in the first place all this was up to you to do proper recon, and use common sense because we don't know how others are going to react. The only thing I want you to say is what you really think. I don't want you to pander to me. You want me to say "No" again, you can't control what others will or won't do. You can only control your own actions. Look above at my first statement. I'm aware that I can only control my own actions. In every responses I've made, I've admitted to things I should've done differently. But I refuse to make excuses for someone who is significantly older than me and should know better. Using the excuse that he is a male does not give him the right to try to force the issue. I'm not saying that you have to agree with me, but I refuse to go around acting like a bitch just because one man couldn't control himself. I tried to keep things peaceful by being nice. Things got out of hand. With everything that happened I tried to do the right thing. I appreciate your comments and it gave me alot to think about. But I refuse to make excuses for someone who is significantly older than me and should know better. ... You would not be making "Excuses for him", you'd only be covering your own ass. Making sure you and your daughter don't get into trouble. Using the excuse that he is a male does not give him the right to try to force the issue. ... Didn't say it did, but because they are male, and because they may be attracted to you, you can bet some will try "to force the issue". It's not an excuse, just a fact. .. but I refuse to go around acting like a bitch just because one man couldn't control himself. .... Why do you think you need to be a bitch to avoid or get around trouble? Just use your head, and listen to your motherly instincts. Between the two, you should be okay. In terms of protecting yourself, being polite is the safest measure, getting bitchy should be the last resort. I tried to keep things peaceful by being nice. ... That's one way, probably the safest way because you don't know what might trigger a guy into rage. Just be more careful with the men you approach.
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don't chase dick....let the dicks chase you. .... No. A successful dick doesn't chase. Poon comes to him. That guy doesn't sound like he's successful, but may have a certain amount of game. Women do have to be more cautious than men..... No. Men still need to be cautious, too. Women just have a different kind of agenda, a man has to be cautious about.
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Don't knock burkas, some women look pretty hot in them.
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You will never stop men being creepy assholes by changing women.... What are you going to do? Go out there and yell, "Be nice you big bully!" Everyone, including men, needs to consider their own safety, and always take necessary precautions. being more careful how she flirts won't stop this type of behaviour. ... Being careful about with whom she flirts will greatly reduce her encountering that type of behavior. Your premise that we can't change men's behaviour ..... That has nothing to do with this. The primary point is , everyone is responsible for their own safety and the safety of those they are acting as guardians. so we have to focus on changing women is wrong. ... Actually it isn't, and has already been done. Also the attempt to change men has been done , as well. Now go unblock me and we can further discuss your own woman problems.
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While I dont fuck random guys and my daughter hasn't been exposed to incidents like this before, I do appreciate your comments. But since I'm grown and single, I'm looking for an exclusive fuck buddy. Just because one guy couldn't take no for an answer, I won't be celibate. I'm don't chase dick, it just follows me around. He is harsh, isn't he? 
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Btw last guy I was with was for two years, before I was with him I was celibate for two years. My child is 4. I didn't fuck the married man. So please before you judge me for being a mom trying to get laid, ask first. Because I feel like I've been pretty cautious since becoming a mother.
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You both have good points. Heathen_G, I should be more careful. Maybe pull back on the friendliness. Recalcitrant72, I shouldn't have to change who I am, I agree with you on that. But Heathen_G is valid in pointing out I can't control other people and no matter how clear the boundaries are, they might cross it. If more men thought like you, Recalcitrant72, I wouldn't have to think about being too friendly, but they don't. That night could have had a different outcome and that thought makes me uncomfortable. In the moment, I only thought about how to keep him as calm as possible. Me slapping him, could have went badly. I'm glad I wrote about it because all the comments helped me to go about things differently.
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Fighting back and getting the police. ... For men, or for women, this is what you do when faced with a threat, however, in her case, she would not have to fight back nor get the police if she first exercises reasonable judgment with whom she might flirt with. Women get attacked in their own homes and out on the street, ... So do men. Why aren't the countries where the burka is in common use havens of women's rights? ... Go do your own research, they're an entirely different culture. We can't just march in and tell them how to behave with each other. Don't ignore this, explain the abysmal failure of your strategy worldwide .... You mean the strategy of using good judgment and observing for awhile with whom you want to flirt, -that works great in cultures that permit. and why you think it will work for nerdygirl. ... Already did that. She understands. You seem to want all the men to be mamas boys and put women on a pedestal. That doesn't solve anything. Now go unblock me and we can further discuss your own woman problems. So long as you are rude, misogynistic and disrespectful: never. ... But you're willing to carry on a conversation with someone you feel is rude, misogynistic and disrespectful on another persons blog? That's so funny. I don't need your lying manipulative bullshit. ... According to your blog, you certainly did.
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8/29/2016 11:48 pm |
You did all the right things. You flirted until you realized he was married, then you set limits and boundaries, which was perfect. He couldn't and didn't respect them, clearly and turned into a stalker of sorts. And then do disregard you and your daughter they way he did and disrespect you two and to bring that kind of fear, no, not kool at all! You were never in the wrong, he had some serious issues!
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You did all the right things. You flirted until you realized he was married, then you set limits and boundaries, which was perfect. He couldn't and didn't respect them, clearly and turned into a stalker of sorts. And then do disregard you and your daughter they way he did and disrespect you two and to bring that kind of fear, no, not kool at all! You were never in the wrong, he had some serious issues!
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Each and every person is responsible for their own safety. I didn't say any such thing supporting the actions of that guy. Clear your tears and think about what you are reading. It's unfortunate I've gotten you upset. As for "Lying". Unblock me and we'll study that remark, and how it was used in context. ...Okay sport?
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9/4/2016 10:16 am |
Too friendly .never
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9/4/2016 1:59 pm |
as far as I can see, you didn't do anything wrong. The person in question just needs a wakeup call...
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Too friendly .never
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Wow. Not that you did anything wrong but sometimes we don't see our situation as well as our friends do. Apparently they saw some things that you didn't. What we perceive as innocent talk could be seen as flirting by those close to us. There are many things we do that we don't see from their perspective. How are we talking? Are we using our eyes to communicate silently. What is our body language as we communicate? Even a type of laugh to someone can be construed as something different. I am glad the situation did not escalate to more than it did. Life is all about learning. Learn from this and trust your friends more. Be safe. Ciao. Gina
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Few things are as obvious in real time as they are in retrospect; you set boundaries and followed them. He didn't, though, so the only thing that you could have done differently would be to stress over and over that the relationship was platonic. The bottom line is that he was the one in the wrong.
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You did the right thing
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Guys like that can't be trusted.
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I would tell anybody the same thing, and I have. File a report and press charges for assault, even better that you have a witness. Next time he might escalate the situation even further and you have no record of the first complaint. You don't really know him .. there is no reason to protect him and his family has the right not know what kind of man he really is. It is a safe bet that he has done this before and will again, if not with you, someone else. Even if you don't report for yourself ... report to project the next victim. You were lucky ... the next woman might not be.
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what happened
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