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| Blogs > secret_lade > Ramblings of the depraved..... |
Sometimes I wonder....
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Sometimes I wonder.... Why can't I just be normal? Or, some relative semblance of normal? Most of the time I feel like a fucking neurotic crazy person. I was doing ok this morning. My Middle was getting ready for his day, as you may recall, he headed down to Detroit today to do his Marine testing. He had just gotten out of the shower, and the door was closed, but I yelled through the door to have a good day and wished him luck. Then I went to leave. And, I headed back to the closed door and told him to bring cash and that I loved him. Then I went to leave. And, I headed back to that goddamn door one more time to tell him I'm proud of him. This time I forced myself to leave as I was going to be late for work. So far, so good, no emotional breakdowns. I'd handled the whole thing like a champ! And then the Beatles song 'Yesterday' started to play. First the eyes teared up. Them my lips trembled as I tried to hold it back. The next thing I know I'm a blubbering mess in the parking lot at work. Fucking fantastic. I managed to pull myself back together and head in. Thankfully the most irritating man on the face of the planet had decided to walk in at the same time so I was able to shift my sorrow to irritation and hatred of the most irritating man on earth. You know the guy.... The one who says stupid shit that requires no answer or comment back and stares at you like you're supposed to respond. I made it all the way to my office and worked for a bit before I managed to get emotional not once, but TWICE while talking to Nose Hairs, complete with teary eyes and hitched voice. Beautiful. I think I even said to him, "oh my God, I'm a fucking crazy person." He just listened, he knows I'm having a hard time with it all, and I told him that today I was worried about my being down in Detroit.... Crime.... etc. I think, sometimes, the best conversations are the ones where you can just talk while someone listens. I get it now.... Right now, this very moment, why people love to talk to me. I have a lot of conversations, and a lot of people come to me for help. Not because I'm a genius or have every answer.... They come to me because I listen. I'm seeing it all, right now, from the other side. I'm usually that person who is listening. Sometimes I have input, sometimes I do not. But, I always listen, and empathize, and share the moment when there are tears as I offer encouragement. I get it. |
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Do you cry?  I don't know the episode, but I'll get it's sad. I don't remember who Henry was.... Henry Blake was the MASH Commanding Officer in the first 2 or 3 seasons, the show as a big part of my young TV life and it was one of those 'not expected' TV moments 
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I've always been a listener than a talker myself. You're a mum doing normal things 
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Somehow I think it is more than Detroit you are worried about. I thought about joining the marines when I joined the service. But after looking into things I decided that the Air Force had better technical training programs that covered a wider range of areas. He would be less likely to be a causality of war serving in the Air Force and get a better education. If the test was the standard entrance exam it should be good for any of the services. Maybe you can get him to consider looking at the Air Forces options.
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Somehow I think it is more than Detroit you are worried about. I thought about joining the marines when I joined the service. But after looking into things I decided that the Air Force had better technical training programs that covered a wider range of areas. He would be less likely to be a causality of war serving in the Air Force and get a better education. If the test was the standard entrance exam it should be good for any of the services. Maybe you can get him to consider looking at the Air Forces options. Vive La Difference
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I've always been a listener than a talker myself. You're a mum doing normal things 
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You’re not the only one. I’ve always been someone that people will unburden themselves to whether I want or not. For years I hated it because there was no one to listen to me. Then online happened and slowly but surely I was able to open up to people who I thought would hear me. Silly me. Yes I have found a very small percentage that show they care but I still encounter those that seem to listen but only if I have something funny to say or it’s a helping word. You’re not alone. I’d love to be able to just have a heartfelt conversation where it’s not just me propping everyone up. I’m probably overexagerating for effect but today just feels that way. Your post came at the same time I’m feeling how you do. Hugs.
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you should see me when i watch the M*A*S*H episode where Henry Blake doesn't make it home from Korea  I don't know the episode, but I'll get it's sad. I don't remember who Henry was....
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Don't worry about your son being in Detroit. It's not as bad as people believe.
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He's not normally a go to person for me... I usually talk with my Work BFF about the tough stuff. I just don't work with him very often anymore.... It's good to know I have another go to person if needed.
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Don't worry about your son being in Detroit. It's not as bad as people believe. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Yep... I hear ya... ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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you should see me when i watch the M*A*S*H episode where Henry Blake doesn't make it home from Korea
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Hi secret_lade thanks for sharing today we all need somebody to listen, at some point we may be hard as nails on the outside, but, we are human underneath it all and, we have to make it thru life as I get older I (sometimes) feel like I have put my foot in my mouth so many times, that I have no business listening to anyone else but, those that know me, know that in the end, they are going to get the "uncut" version of my thoughts if they ask sometimes, (rarely) I do, just listen if asked, for a response, I may hesitate, and, be compassionate we need that when people ask me to sign up for great causes, I don't, my beliefs are that the smallest causes are the ones where I can make a difference someone having a heart attack someone about to faint someone lost in a foreign country someone who does not have a voice, and just needs a little support it will be alright it's ok to cry be safe I always remember the movie "Young Frankenstein" and the brain of "AB Normal", that scene always makes me laugh Todd Rungren - "Hello, it's me" Hello, it's me I've thought about us for a long, long time Maybe I think too much but something's wrong There's something here that doesn't last too long Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine Seeing you Or seeing anything as much as I do you I take for granted that you're always there I take for granted that you just don't care Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through It's important to me That you know you are free 'Cause I never want to make you change for me Think of me You know that I'd be with you if I could I'll come around to see you once in a while Or if I ever need a reason to smile
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I guess that might be why so many people tell me things, sometimes things I don't want to know. Occasionally, things that people could die for knowing.
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You’re not the only one. I’ve always been someone that people will unburden themselves to whether I want or not. For years I hated it because there was no one to listen to me. Then online happened and slowly but surely I was able to open up to people who I thought would hear me. Silly me. Yes I have found a very small percentage that show they care but I still encounter those that seem to listen but only if I have something funny to say or it’s a helping word. You’re not alone. I’d love to be able to just have a heartfelt conversation where it’s not just me propping everyone up. I’m probably overexagerating for effect but today just feels that way. Your post came at the same time I’m feeling how you do. Hugs. My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment
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Hi secret_lade thanks for sharing today we all need somebody to listen, at some point we may be hard as nails on the outside, but, we are human underneath it all and, we have to make it thru life as I get older I (sometimes) feel like I have put my foot in my mouth so many times, that I have no business listening to anyone else but, those that know me, know that in the end, they are going to get the "uncut" version of my thoughts if they ask sometimes, (rarely) I do, just listen if asked, for a response, I may hesitate, and, be compassionate we need that when people ask me to sign up for great causes, I don't, my beliefs are that the smallest causes are the ones where I can make a difference someone having a heart attack someone about to faint someone lost in a foreign country someone who does not have a voice, and just needs a little support it will be alright it's ok to cry be safe I always remember the movie "Young Frankenstein" and the brain of "AB Normal", that scene always makes me laugh Todd Rungren - "Hello, it's me" Hello, it's me I've thought about us for a long, long time Maybe I think too much but something's wrong There's something here that doesn't last too long Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine Seeing you Or seeing anything as much as I do you I take for granted that you're always there I take for granted that you just don't care Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through It's important to me That you know you are free 'Cause I never want to make you change for me Think of me You know that I'd be with you if I could I'll come around to see you once in a while Or if I ever need a reason to smile To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog: Good luck!!! 
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7/6/2020 4:01 pm |
I guess that might be why so many people tell me things, sometimes things I don't want to know. Occasionally, things that people could die for knowing.
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