putting the record straight...
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Posted:Dec 16, 2007 9:25 am
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2008 6:29 am
3954 Views
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well weekend was supposed to go with a good start......got dressed up fought our way through traffic and stopped a few people too (ie: the cute ambulance driver on the way there)......and finally ended up in the "punch and judy" pub..... that wasnt too bad,couldnt for the life of me find anybody that we even remotely reconised....got offered a few shags on our journey(s) through the pub and we then reconised my weird ex friend markiemark....wearing a blonde wig (always thought he was jealous of my hair so much so that he decided to try it out for himself) BUT the stupid ass actually glued the wig to his head or so hunny said... so moving on from that .saw a few people who reconised me,although I cannot remember who they were,so if i missed you or looked a bit vague...my apologies
then came the highlight of my evening.......
ELLA.......... now this is mainly to IT and I think speedbird for so brilliantly ruining my evening... you see...the beef I have with ella is a personal one (now I am sure you all know what personal is) and it is between myself and ella only....now I dont hide behind guys,and never will if I had said in the room many moons ago what ella did then I would expect to face the music..... so please guys butt out or you will be next I can assure you..... I WILL not be letting this go and whoever gets inolved in this will be extremely stupid
now that I have got that off my chest feel free to ask anything if your at anytime unsure
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spartacus and he-man !!
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Posted:Nov 5, 2007 1:34 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2014 9:04 am
3219 Views
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<<<a question on history.
this is dedicated to my mate shamuli....
on watching one of the many great blockbuster films (mainly Spartacus),it was noted that ALL the soldiers in the army's around that period..were of a strapping ,god like-Adonis type build ,Brad pitt (always a hero of mine) was true to form and i would expect him to have a good body,but the rest of the army??? so in conversation with shams my weird vodkaaa loving friend his reply was this>>>>
"they did have gorgeous muscles they were ALL athletic and couldn't even have an excess of 6lb of fat otherwise they would not be in the Trojan/Greek/spartan army !!! .Now i did ask him how he was so sure they did and it wasn't just done for the film to instill a sense of "power" but he assured me it is common knowledge they all had a six pack (but he did mention that they had a small wang )
hehehehe
that settled that one didn't it!
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just for the sheer hell of it !!
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Posted:Oct 18, 2007 2:11 pm
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2007 5:34 am
3179 Views
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okayyyyyy !!!
here goes, just a quick one can someone please enlighten me...
flash gordon the film,.......battle to save the universe(yanno the blonde hunk from planet whatever?)
well you knowthe tree men of the swamp in that film?
where they relatives of robin hood or not???
much obliged hehehehe
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Missing....
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Posted:Oct 3, 2007 1:10 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2008 11:42 am
4133 Views
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REWARD...
on sunday around the early hours of the morning..
my partner and I,were discussing the "events" of the day and were sitting quietly around the TV when he decided to make a nice cup of tea
a few moments later I hear a crash and I rush out to find what looks like an abduction !!!! My partner was nowhere to be seen
I have given descriptions and said photo of him
he is described as flesh colour, brown eyes blonde hair and was at the time wearing a bra of mine (see enclosed pic <<<
If you know of his whereabouts please call crime stoppers (or watch) ASAP
I need my bedtime partner back (with or without said brassiere !
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for the doobie brothers..
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Posted:Sep 24, 2007 11:14 am
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2007 1:58 am
3979 Views
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to lucifer and keviness
you have may have deleted me from your lives....but if you are intelligent enough and have some friggin sense you will see the error of your ways......and if you propose to stay with the women that are obviously holding you back then i hold you both in less disrespect than i did before.......and not only will you be an "ex-friend" you will also be an "enemy"
so think that a clever solution....or a hindrance,but if I were you two I would find out why I am getting the blame for all this stupid and unreasonable nonsense in the first place....after all "I" NEVER slagged you off.....
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where has dorothy gone !!!
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Posted:Sep 14, 2007 9:43 am
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2007 1:50 pm
4081 Views
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OHHHHHHHH
where art thou dorothy ????
following on from a tragic incident in which poor ol'dorothy from kansas made one last bid to save harry potter from the wicked witch of the east (or was it west ...feck knows ) anyway.....
recently discovered locally were the late dorothy's shoes and the question remains....
WHATEVAAAA happened to dorothy ???
(answers on a post card please )
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anyone seen this ermmmm !!
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Posted:Sep 11, 2007 9:51 am
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2007 6:22 pm
4123 Views
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WANTED.......
have you seen this van/lorry/monster type thing anywhere driving or visciously parked around your area ?????
wanted in connection to some failed mission mainly that there were duties owed to a resident and this duty was never completed.
Do you know its whereabouts?
please mail me directly with any information as to where it may be
Inspector fox
(giggles hehehehehe)
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madness is back
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Posted:Sep 4, 2007 9:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2007 5:33 pm
4083 Views
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WELLLLLL....
I is back ,yep the "crazy lady" is finally back from her hols all nice and tanned and refleshed after me paradise lice and raring to go
still trying to catch up on all the gossip but from what I've been hearing I AM the friggin gossip as per usual (giggles) whats new there huh?
anyways..... hunny is glad to see me back (and front)and thanks for all my birthday text's whilst i was on holiday for the grand old age of 21 !!!!!! (apparently I am having a midlife crisis.. ..thought that was normal for me)
well good to be back..(not) and a big dusky sultry wave to all me ol'codgers
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arabian nights.....mmmmmm steamy !!
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Posted:Jul 11, 2007 3:48 am
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2007 3:36 pm
4100 Views
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well the people that know me best ,have always said I'm a bit of a dreamer,a romantic at heart,and a good (shag).....combine that with hunny marsh's (with a little bit of my imagination too) extremely excitable sensual desire of something far eastern (and nope not turkish delight sweets)we have been drooling over...none other than
MR. OMAR SHARIFF........
CORRRRRR what a dream boat and a sexual fantasy hehehehe
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size DOES matter to certain species (inc .us lol)
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Posted:Jun 27, 2007 1:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2007 3:53 pm
4396 Views
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According to the nature boffins a blue whale's penis is between 1.8 and 3.0 metres in length (thats 6-10ft for us brits).they have an 18inch girth and the ejaculate is approx 20ltrs (or 33 pints to the welsh farmers) the testes weighs 70kg ( over 150LB ).
The outer foreskin of a whale can be turned into a floor length water proof apron (handy for those rainy days)
Barnacles stand on head and eat with their feet (another fine example of multi-tasking) and THEIR penis is 7 times its body length !!!
and finally......
chastity belts were NOT a female garment ...they were originally invented for male wankers to stop masturbating hehehehe
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damn northerners lol
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Posted:Jun 25, 2007 11:14 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2007 12:57 am
4181 Views
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HURRICANE HITS NEWCASTLE
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Newcastle in the early hours of Thursday with its epicentre in Byker.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fukinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of improvements. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Metro FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Byker.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), White sport socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
***Breaking news***
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "WALLSEND" said the girl, "wats that gorra de wit you?"
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Newcastle - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it anyway.
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If Men Wrote Problem Pages....
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Posted:Jun 13, 2007 3:35 am
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2007 6:27 am
4592 Views
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Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A. Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (its great time to clean the house too). J ust look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A. Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help you. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
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