Inner Demons
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Posted:Jun 25, 2014 11:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2018 11:36 pm
4727 Views
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Cant stop the tears…..
The loneliness chokes….
the fear over whelmes….
the fire fizzles out….
the pressure suffocates….
When life comes to a pinch….
you worry about your friends…
you worry about your family…
you worry about yourself….
the thoughts you can not bare….
dreams of what could be….
the reality that is…..
the disappointment that wasn't…
the inner guilt, of not being enough,
destroys a woman's heart….
to always look up at someone you desire,
and see the rejection, and feel the disappointment,
slowly destroys your soul, dries up your hope,
eradicates who you are….
The pain inside kills me daily….
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trust is a funny word
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Posted:Jun 24, 2014 11:29 am
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2017 11:59 pm
4679 Views
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How many times do you think one person can take being fucked over? Promise you the world, then SQUASH IT with one foul lie.
Why is the human male so inclined to lie about everything?
I cannot tell you how many times I have given an open door to tell the truth, but nope…lies lies lies. I think it must be a thrill or a rush to continue to lie. I don't get it! What is the thrill??? Can someone please enlighten me? Why is it so hard to just tell the truth? If someone loves you, they will love you for you, not for what you want them to see…
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Depths of my heart
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Posted:Jun 20, 2014 11:03 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2018 11:39 pm
4899 Views
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The insight to a fairly young deep feminine heart…..
Night after night, as the woman in me lies here, dreaming of what could be, what would be…I couldn't help but dive deeper…
Deep into the sub conscience of my love.
Just to see what the capabilities are within my heart….
Dreams and heart do not seem to have proved themselves to work hand in hand together. Sort of like that opposite magnetic reaction you have when you place two magnets together as they repel each other like water and oil.
What extreme does one have to endure in order to just have one drop of their dreams bless their life.
For this girl the dream is very simple, very intense, but deep.
My feminine heart does not desire finances for which creates the ease of life, nor does it need belongings for which i cannot carry within my own hands, nor does it desire fancy destinations full of luxury. The one thing my dream could deliver to my heart that could complete my being to the core would be just this;
First fulfillment would be that look…. The one where you look up, and a strong, handsome, confident, exotic looking and uncontrollably sexy masculine man locks his glance on you like he has just seen his first sunrise and completely engaged in you like you could be his everything. And then the second moment in which he shocks you to the core. WIth all the electricity one man can hold in his fingertips he connects with the electricity in your fingertips and create lightning. So deep that it shocks you to your soul, and you can feel the weakness in your heart. And for a brief moment in time, you can feel your soul leave your body just so that it may see the glow on your face as it reassures your inner self that this couldn't be more right, and you see the angelic possibility in this man who has awaken your heartbeat.
And one this male creature puts his hands around you and connects with your flesh, then you know you are gone. Then your whole bodies envelop each other, and the magic of that first time he kisses you with his whole self, and you melt into his body.
But thats not all…..every kiss after this one, is just as deep and full… and you lay down in your magic love, and make love for the rest of your life…. and not because you have, but because you can not wait to experience this man all over again everyday.
And the imagination that the feeling is mutual….imagine that….
And you think to yourself……and he thinks to himself….
How long will I love you…..?
To love, and be loved, is the one thing that this feminine heart desires….unconditionally, and wholeheartedly…to the end of our existence…
To dream… unrealistic….
Reality steps in, and life is chaos…..
Once I open my heart, the emotional bomb explodes and everything is covered in bloody debris….
If only……ones heart could connect with their dreams...
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Today's Tomorrow: My complications
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Posted:Jun 18, 2014 9:57 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2017 12:07 am
4886 Views
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I just want to take an opportunity to introduce myself.
I am a 34 yr old mother of 2. I guess you could say that I am married. I married the father of my 14 years ago. We have had many HUGE fluctuations in our relationship. We started out as two foolish, teenagers in love. Did what a lot do, and got pregnant (unplanned), and thought it would all be okay. I think back to the day I realized I was pregnant at the very young age of 17, and have realized that from that very day, I have lived afraid and depressed for the future. If there is one thing I am good at, its acting. Acting like everything is great, and its the same as it was before. I do love my family, but the real me has been trapped deep inside of me for many years. My family sees me as the mom. The matriarch of the family. The one who keeps things going, the one who is watching them, and like ducklings, keeping them all of the same track. Deep inside, I am just a girl. A scared girl. A person. A girl afraid to let her guard down. To the rest of the world, I am a tough girl. I don't take insults, anyone stomping on me, or anyone close to me, and I keep most people at arms length from me. Deep inside, all I want is to be enclosed in a life of love. I feel like the life I built is crumbling. After the birth of my , I changed. The combination of the in laws, and the man I love's transition killed me. He turned into a critic of me. And his family followed his steps. When I first thought that I had a man, and I had protection, I was dillutional. I went from being a carefree soft girl, to a beaten down slave auditioning for the role of a mother to my . And thinking back to that time in my life, I see that I have built up a lot of scar tissue since that first day. So here I sit, a woman in her 30's struggling through life, doing my best to wear the armour to hide the exposed raw heart that lays deep on my heart. Praying and hoping that one day there will be a man strong enough to remove that armour and expose the heart in me. There you have my complications.
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