Honesty !!!
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Posted:Sep 1, 2013 1:23 am
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 12:37 pm
9123 Views
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Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
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So sad!!!!
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Posted:Aug 28, 2013 10:50 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 12:38 pm
9057 Views
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Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
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So ... How was your Tuesday ???
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Posted:Aug 27, 2013 9:18 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 12:39 pm
8821 Views
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Well you know ... It has been a Tuesday from hell!!! People screaming at me because someone in Buttfucknowhere Canada screwed up their order. Bosses screaming at me because I screamed at someone screaming at me!! In retrospect that might not have been a great idea!!! My truck breaking down and being stuck on the side of the highway for four hours because an inept mechanics helper can't tighten a clamp on an air fitting. Then I get a call from the woman who I told I love but just wants to be friends. She wanted to borrow(maybe) money to pay bills. And like a total idiot, I gave it to her. Now I feel like a total loser because I can't say "no"!! So ... to the people who commented on my blog ... I hope you don't mind, but I think I might just reply to your comments tomorrow when I'm in a better frame of mind.
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4
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What an asshole!!!
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Posted:Aug 26, 2013 8:59 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 3:14 am
8882 Views
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John went to the store the other day. He was only in there for about five minutes, and when he came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So John went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored John and continued writing the ticket. So John called him a stupid idiot. He glared at him and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
Then John really got angry at the cop. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more John abused him, the more tickets he wrote. John didn't care. His car was parked around the corner
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Friday night ... the geek way!!!!
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Posted:Aug 23, 2013 11:39 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2018 5:45 am
9319 Views
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I'm kinda having fun tonight (the nerd way) ... sort of half heartedly working on an android launcher that I've been building for a little while, got a copy of "Monty Python's Holy Grail" playing on my other monitor (LMAO---"It's just a flesh wound!!!", "I fart in you're general direction", etc.), and browsing the blogs ...
Not too exciting by many peoples standards ... but I'm having a ball!!! After a long day driving (I drove to Edson and Hinton today) it's nice to sit back and just have a laugh!!
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OOOOPS!!!!
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Posted:Aug 22, 2013 8:09 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 3:01 am
9192 Views
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A father put his three year old to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing
to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange
coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up
at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all
day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could
get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the
day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened to me.
This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch
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If you're not absolutely sure ........
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Posted:Aug 21, 2013 9:58 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 2:41 am
8522 Views
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A couple is on a plane in the middle of the night, and it is dark and quiet.
The woman says to her husband: "let's have sex right here".
The husband says: "You are crazy. people will hear and see us".
"But everybody is asleep", claims the wife, "I will prove it to you. I will ask for water and you'll see that nobody answers me and nobody even hears what i'm saying".
So the woman says in a low voice: "Can I have some water please?". But no-one answers. So the husband starts having sex with her.
After the plane lands, a man runs to the steward and says: "quick, give me water. I have been so thirsty for the last 5 hours".
The steward gives him water and asks him: "why didn't you ask for water during the flight?".
so the guy says: "No way, a woman two rows in front of me asked for water and you won't believe what they did to her!"
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2
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I needed a change ....
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Posted:Aug 15, 2013 10:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 2:34 am
9561 Views
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Last night I felt like I needed to change something about myself. So I decided to shave ... no, not that!! ... that's almost always shaved!!I decided to shave the beard off ... Personally I think I look goofy without it, but I've been told today that I look better without it. I thought I might put up a couple comparison shots and get your opinion!! Don't worry about picture quality or the fact that I'm filthy dirty after a long days work. I just want to know if I look better with or without the beard. Also if you think I look like Lurch from the Addams Family or something let me know ... I love those kinds of comments!!!
Anyways the picture on the left was taken about four months ago and most of you have seen it already. The picture on the right was taken about twenty minutes ago and I'm willing to bet that some of you will be haunted for the rest of your lives after seeing it!!
Please let me know.
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3
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If at first you don't succeed.....
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Posted:Aug 13, 2013 8:01 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 2:08 am
9007 Views
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Flying In The Plane Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, “The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.” They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, “Do you know where we are?” “I think so,” replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year!”
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Just curious .......
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Posted:Aug 13, 2013 7:10 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 12:41 pm
9031 Views
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Has anyone ever seen Steve Tyler and Joan Rivers in the same room at the same time?
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3
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She's cured!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted:Aug 12, 2013 6:58 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 2:03 am
9491 Views
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A woman went to her doctor’s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”
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To link to this blog (castomper) use [blog castomper] in your messages.
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But getting better ????
