Made it home
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Posted:Aug 31, 2014 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2015 5:42 pm
17802 Views
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They said 6 weeks to 2 months and he almost made the 2 months...
I have experienced the hardest thing I had ever had to battle in my life but yet in some way it was probably the most satisfying..
I had exactly 54 days from when this journey began to talk, listen, express, cry, scream, pray, beg and watch my best friend take his last breath and I'm not here to say it was easy cause it was anything but...
This man has adored me for years and I've witnessed him battle some of the biggest demons in his short time here but this last one was not one he could fight... Of course I am selfish and I cried for him to stay but he told me " this is the last time I will hurt you, you have to let me go", but it will be a long time before I will find the strength to do that..
It's ironic how something in your life that was just there and you never really noticed it until someone tells you, it won't be here for very long that it finally hits you..
I finally made it home today after making the arrangements and I have to say it sure is hard coming back to this town knowing he's not around anymore, I've only been home for a few short hours and already questioning myself if I can really stay in this town but I know I need to give myself time but it's hard when you don't have that sense of security anymore..
On Tuesday I will put him to rest and decide where to go from there, maybe jump in my car and drive, drive away from the thoughts...
Please send me some strength, I sure can use it
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5
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I'm not ready for the changes
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Posted:Aug 4, 2014 9:46 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2015 5:41 pm
21496 Views
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Exactly one month ago, I sat in a chair listening to a doctor tell him "it's bad, not much time left" and I just stared at him because I couldn't really process what was happening..
As the weeks went on and I saw the changes, I have come to terms with what is happening or at least I thought I did..
I guess I took for granted that the last few weeks have been fairly uneventful and got used to it until tonight when I noticed something that was different and an alarm went off.. I talked to the nurse about it and she explained this is a sign and that I should get used to these signs and changes, that his time is coming.. Well you want to know what?? I can't get fucking used to it and I don't want to see anymore fucking signs!!!
It's the selfishness in me, I'm not ready for this at all, I don't feel strong enough and when I see these changes I want to fucking scream....
As I left the hospital late tonight, I sat in my car and prayed, I'm not ready to say good bye, he always give's into my selfishness... Can he give in just one more time??
My heart is so heavy I can barely breathe, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever experienced....
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4
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I got to get off the pretzels
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Posted:Jul 31, 2014 8:56 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2015 5:40 pm
21557 Views
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Hello everyone
I thought I would throw out a short blog tonight and even read a few which I'm doing...
I'm still spending my days at the hospital and after 2 pretty good weeks, the docs finally had to raise his meds to keep the pain controlled better.. Unfortunately with the increase comes with some hallucinations, sleeping about 16 hours a day and assisting him more with everyday things..
But I'm not complaining, I've excepted and come to peace with what is happening to this soul and seeing his smile when he does wake up gives me the courage to be the best friend I can be....
Day 28 today and I realized that I buy a bag of pretzels every 4 days, vodka would work better...
Thanks for the hugs xx
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2
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What a journey
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Posted:Jul 20, 2014 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2015 5:41 pm
23394 Views
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Today is day 17 of this roller coaster of a journey.. Of course it's a very emotional one but I am dealing with it one day at a time, learning to accept the bad days with the good ones..
The hardest part is realizing that even though we have been separated for a few years, I always felt responsible for him, wanting the best for him, supporting him and making sure we always remained friends.. I am not the type of person who cannot care, I know I am genuine in that aspect, life is too precious not to give people your heart at times and here I thought I was emotionally crippled. nope I'm not..
Having this chance to hear him tell me his deepest secrets, share with me his accomplishments and regrets in his life is something I will never forget, sitting there and just listening is more gratifying then anything I imagined and I will never forget..
I always felt protected by this strong man and today he told me he feels protected with me..
I've been blessed for many years and according to the experts, I still have a few more weeks to listen to his thoughts, I'll take it..
Anyway I apologize for boring you, I know that this is a sex site but sometime it just helps putting my thoughts down..
To everyone who inboxed, text or emailed me, thanks kindly xx
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4
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This isn't good bye
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Posted:Jul 5, 2014 7:49 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2015 5:40 pm
26785 Views
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In the last few days I have been tested, more than I ever have in my life....
Someone who I truly adore, who has loved me unconditionally for the last 20 years, someone who has battled more battles than anyone I know and also my best friend has been diagnosed with cancer and unfortunately there is no hope except try to make his remaining time with us as comfortable as possible and that is what I plan on doing...
I have taken a leave of absence from work and unfortunately I need to take a leave with every other thing going on in my life...
I have a few friends from here that I enjoy hearing from but at this time I will have to take a break from that also and concentrate on the priorities in my life, I know you will understand...
I am still trying to digest this all and hopefully will find the courage and strength to be by his side and be the best friend I can...
This is not a good bye but more of I'll see you soon...
~C~
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8
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Is it just me??
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Posted:Jul 2, 2014 2:06 pm
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2014 8:04 pm
26414 Views
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There is some weird shit going on around this place
I first noticed this a few weeks ago and thought there must be some changes coming on this site and yep there has been but now I notice that one day I have a ton of watchers and the next I only have 2, did everyone get that bored with me in less than 24 hours?..
Today I noticed that almost everyone that has viewed my blog in the last week is showing stealth mode on my "recent visitor list" and now my blog doesn't even show up in the Ontario list hmmmm am I gone somewhere else?? Cause I'd really like to know??
Anyway...
I had a great long weekend, didn't get on the lake like I was anticipating but I am not complaining... Spent a night in the city for some ME time and it was well deserved and put a huge smile on this mug of mine..
Sponsored a Canada Day celebration in the community I live in and it was nice to get out and mingle with the members during the festivities which ended in a spectacular fire works display
Not much else to report really, thinking I may phone up the dictators of this site and see which continent I am blogging on, would be nice to know dontcha think??
Happy hump day xx
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10
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The next best thing??
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Posted:Jun 22, 2014 6:18 am
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2014 6:24 pm
27766 Views
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To actually having sex, nope it's not self luvin either
It's the northern thing to do
Have a beautiful day xx
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13
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I can be excited every once in awhile
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Posted:Jun 21, 2014 8:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2014 7:15 am
26742 Views
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Hello all my pervy friends
I guess I have been a bit neglectful around here, still checking things out every once in awhile or when my schedule allows it but haven't been really up for much blogging..
So it's been a few months since I have been close to anyone and right about now I miss it or at least that is what my mind is telling me.. I miss the companionship of the opposite sex but there's not much I can do about it except keep myself and my mind occupied.. Not that easy on beautiful mornings like this, I woke up wishing and it will be on my mind all day I'm sure..
I tried chatting with a few different people but of course nothing really interests me... Hard to forget people you never really gave a chance to at times...
But...
I keep moving forward and instead of looking at my glass half empty, I still choose to see it as half full...
It's ironic that my career seems to be so fulfilling, smiling at people all day long, building sustainable relationships for my company where ever I go but in real life I can't build my own.. My boss says I have a gift that comes from life experience and people just draw to me, really?? Fuck is he blind lol
Late last might I was texting a friend back and forth about emotions and yep I do have them, I know like today they do come across on my blogs, I try to avoid them all together but sometimes it's not that easy.. Excitement is a great emotion and even though I try to encourage it, I need something of my own to be excited about and I just don't see it in my near future, not at this time anyway...
I had a long trip this week and 5 more open houses in 5 different communities next week and go ahead, ask me if I am emotional about it, I dare you
But I will put on my pretty smile and let my life experience guide me, who the fuck am I kidding lol
So remember my friends, when you are wishing just once to wake up next to someone and no not for sex but just cause a friend is there, it's an emotion you can't hide..
I hope you all have a wonderful day xx
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6
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I just couldn't help myself
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Posted:Jun 13, 2014 6:42 pm
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2014 7:59 pm
28303 Views
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What I would pay to see a few of you in a pair of these!!!
It really is a fashion statement
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18
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I need auto pilot soon
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Posted:Jun 12, 2014 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2014 11:47 am
27568 Views
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Wtf is going on around here??
I noticed I have a whole sea of yellow to catch up on and I will in due time, some of you blog a whole lot lol
If your thinking I ran off and found me a man well your sadly fucking mistaken, mind you a man for a few hours right about now wouldn't be such a bad thing hmmmmm..
Work had been more then busy even for this chick, really overloaded and overwhelmed even more that I have to hang my time or two these last few weeks
Yup even us northern chicks cry every once in awhile..
I keep buying lottery tickets but by Monday I am back at work, life is so unfair at times dontcha think??
I did take a break last weekend and partied like a dam rockstar for 2 days and let me tell you I now know I am not 20 anymore but you know me I have to prove that to myself
So I am off to the other end of the dam province next week and I absolutely love going there, the people are so warm and inviting but its a very long two days just to land again in the north..
I think I am need of some me time, anyone?? xx
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10
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Dogging anyone??
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Posted:May 31, 2014 8:34 pm
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2014 6:01 pm
30034 Views
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Ok you go right ahead and send me a picture cause it's definitely not for me
So I've been seeing a few posts here and there about dogging and I'm still not sure what it is cause I read two different explanation's about it..
One is you go to a public place and let anyone who wants to fuck your partner as you watch ehemmm NO WAY!!
Second is you just fuck your partner in public and anyone can watch hmmm not too bad I'd say, well the fucking in a public place, yaya I'm a perv
Now I'm sure this dogging thing has been around for awhile but over here in the deep north, we are late bloomers
Anyone ever experience something like this and would you want to experience this? OHHHH with your partner of course lol
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14
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Do you think this will work??
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Posted:May 30, 2014 7:47 pm
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2014 5:49 am
29027 Views
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After a few failures, I was thinking of changing my profile a bit and of course I want your opinion on it..
Looking to serve and no not talking about serving a Dom, I was talking about your beer, your slippers and even clean your fish if necessary..
I will lay down when you walk in the door so you have something soft to wipe your feet on...
I will fetch your remote when it's right in front of your fucking nose and will be spread on the bed when the mood strikes..
I will wash your back, clean your tools and change your car oil when they need it, will cook you gourmet meals every time we are together and wash the sheets before you kick me out..
I will give you all my undivided attention and tend to your every need and want...
I will drop to my knees and honk on bo bo when you want or a hand job when you need to relieve a bit of tension..
I will get gas for your boat or if you don't have a motor, no problem I'll paddle the fucker for you...
If you think this is something your searching for, please don't hesitate to get in touch...
So be honest, you think I might have a better chance of compatibility?? Just might work, am I missing anything?? Please don't shy to let me know
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6
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To link to this blog (excited_4_now) use [blog excited_4_now] in your messages.
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