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Be warned, this is a place where I WILL write about ANYONE or ANYTHING that I deem blog worthy.
If you don't like that idea well....you see that little red X at the top right corner of the window....click it.
As of now my blog is exactly that...MY BLOG...it's about me and the events in MY life that I want to talk about in the way that I viewed them.
It will be a place where I can let my hair down and write about ANYTHING that is on my mind. From what I had for dinner, how often I get laid, things that make me happy, upset me, make me laugh, or make me go hummmm.
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Another happy note
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Posted:May 25, 2006 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2006 3:45 pm
9587 Views
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As I have told friends ..... I am supposed to of been getting a new house for a couple months now. Well the house is being moved to town not this weekend(Memorial Weekend) but the next. Yeah I know I have been told it would be moved before and it never happened but this time it has to be moved. The people who own the land say get it off their property. So I will be getting my new house sooner than I thought.
I am happy about that. And when I get it all set up I am going to start a quilting business. Also, once it is set up those of you from the group that can have to come visit.
Now just remind me don't piss off mom and dad in the next couple weeks. Keep reminding me to beware of the crazy people that can take my new house away from me....lmao.
Man it feels good to smile and laugh again. It's been to long.
Love you all,
Fuzzy
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Thinking Positive
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Posted:May 25, 2006 4:47 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2006 7:19 pm
9859 Views
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After talking to several friends since yesterday's post I have come to the conclusion that for once it's time to think of me and distance myself from my family stuff. With that said I had a longgggggggg talk with my friend OC this morning and then an even longer talk with my therapist today.
My therapist says also I need to remove myself from this situation and to surround myself with positive things. Infact my therapist says even though I am scared to death of falling on my face I need to take a risk and possibly move away from here. He says I could handle moving better than I could the family stuff anyways. Gee does he know me or what.
Now all the people who have taken the time to get to know me through the group FTLS knows after my visit to Illinois I would love to move up there. Well I have been thinking on that alot. And while I may not move up there immediately I am going to work on things here at my home and try to find a way to come to Illinois more often.
I have reached the decision that my 34 yr old brother has to take care of himself. All I can do is finally be there when he WANTS to get his life cleaned up. Until then it's not right to put my life on hold to worry about him all the time. And from now on sure I will get upset once in a while about it who wouldn't after all it's my brother....but he's on his own.
It's time for ME to be happy and positive. OC I owe you alot for our talk this morning. You may not have realized just how much of an impack you made on my way of thinking. Thank you very much.
Fuzzy
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What should I do?
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Posted:May 24, 2006 5:40 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2006 3:47 am
9517 Views
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I am choosing blue to write this because it fits my mood. Do you all remember my post about a family crisis. Well, I am coming out in the open about what that is. My one brother has become a very violent, moody, paranoid meth user.
To make a long story short last week ended with him threatening to shoot people and him going to jail. While there he called anyone and everyone he could think of to try to get bailed out. He got even more pissed when no one would take his calls.
Yesterday was his first appearance in court. Somehow he bonded himself out and is now out of jail. I have been told he has very severe restrictions which include not getting high again which people seen him this morning as jittery as a in pen full of rattlers. The bad thing is he is so mad at all family members and I no longer feel safe in my own home after what he did last week.
My parents want him to get basic counseling and you can't get it through their heads that he needs more than that....he needs full blown rehab. My parents even though he is pissed at them don't think it's that bad.
My delima is I am torn between staying around here to support my other brother in the fight to get my brother on the meth cleaned up.....or.....taking myself out of harms way. It's a fact that I am no match for my one brother when he isn't on meth but I know for sure he could really harm me before I could get help when he is on the meth. I feel like I would be running away and leaving the rest of my family in the lurch if I removed myself from this situation but then again what happens when my brother shows up here high on meth again and hurts me.
I also feel like I have let my brother down in some way. He was a good guy. Now he has lost everything and everyone. Surely there was something I could have done to help prevent this. It is tearing me apart mentally......I have cried more than I care to admit lately and now that I know he is out of jail I have worried myself sick about what he is going to do to the family. I am to the point I have a very terrible headache and have made myself physically sick over this. I mean my parents don't deserve this, my other brother and his wife and don't deserve this, and I don't deserve this but what can we do it's my parents and my other brother and I's sibling......how do you just walk away?
*Puts my head in my hands and bawls and asks why why why*
Signed a very upset, exhausted, and confussed;
Fuzzy
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The Pictures are in!
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Posted:May 24, 2006 3:49 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2006 8:00 pm
9913 Views
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Just letting my friends I met in Decatur know that the pictures I took while there are in. And I am wanting to know if it's ok to put them on my personal website on my friends page. This is a page where I list my friends and say a little bit about them off to the side of the picture.
People in the pictures are as follows:
elf & maiden, STA, Larry, Jeff, Bigg, Mighty8, Kitty, OC, NB, Fly, BBW, Nessa, and Hellz!
Sorry those are all the people that I was able to get pictures of I know there were over 40 in attendance but someone forgot to snap pictures for me while I was outta the main room.
Oh and do you all who were in the group photo think the black lady from the motel will mind having her picture put on my website......lmao.
Anyways, I will send you all IM's and ask also just to make sure.
Still missing you all.
Fuzzy
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Why have a blog
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Posted:May 22, 2006 4:23 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2006 1:25 pm
9898 Views
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I caught myself asking this question yesterday. Why have a blog when very few people post replies. I have to say thanks to Da Lone Elf for being a consistant poster. And to OC and Fly and NB for at least viewing if not posting. But truely other than those close friends no one else seems to post anything.
Makes me wonder are they sick of hearing about the bad things lately.....if so sorry I can't help it. I started this blog off on a good note or two. Not my fault things go to shit in peoples lives occassionally. Take the bad with the good or just don't take me at all is my thoughts. In other words if ya don't like what ya read here then don't look....but if ya do look please be kind enough to leave me a message. Doesn't have to be an everyday thing but at least occassionally I like to hear other peoples opinions. And trust me as soon as Local Sexy Swingers lets me have a confirmation number I will try to reply to statements.
Anyways, after asking myself that question I realized why I created a blog. It's to let my close friends on Local Sexy Swingers know what's going on with me when we don't get chances to chat on the hoo or for the friends who aren't on my hoo list yet. You all may say yeah we know what kinda friends you have from a adult site but truely the group I have joined FTLS(Folks That Love Sex) are there as more than just people looking for sex....we are there for the friendship and we care about each other. Ya couldn't ask for a better group of people even though we have our ups and downs just like any other group of sex crazed people in the world.
Ok enough for now....I've been up all night and think I am finally making some sense so I better go get some sleep so I can get back to my normal bitchy self.
Night all
Fuzzy
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VENTING & CONFUSSED
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Posted:May 19, 2006 9:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2006 4:32 am
9701 Views
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Have you ever did something that later you regreted? Well at first I thought what I did was the greatest thing in my life. Now after 2 weeks have past and several discussions I am not so sure.
As you all have read I went to a meet and greet for the group I am in. Thought I had a wonderful time except for a few awkward moments. I talked to friends about and was trying to let them go. Now though since that time my personal life here has gone to hell and now some of the people I met at the m&g have gone to hell.
I am just begining to think that if I hadn't left my state then none of this would be happening. Which makes me regret my trip. which upsets me even more because I don't want it to be a regret.
I don't know how to feel about anything right now. My mind is on overload from my family crisis and now things that were brought to my attention.
Sorry this is more of a vent than anything.....I needed an outlet that is why it is on here and not in a thread for everyone.
Please no one take this as anything against them.....my mind is just fried right now. So much going on and I am never good at handling my own things.....I am better at dealing with other peoples problems.
I think I need a vacation to someplace up in the mountains with cooler climates and maybe a big strong man to protect me from everything that's going on.
Ok sorry for the rambling vent I am gonna go mix me a drink now and try to chill.
Fuzzy
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THINGS WENT WRONG!
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Posted:May 17, 2006 4:14 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 5:17 pm
9867 Views
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I can't explain right now. Nor do I have time. But you might not see me online much for a few days. Big Big family crisis is happening. Will try to send out a quick message on the hoo for those on my list otherwise ya all just gotta wait until ya see me to find out. Sorry legal issues with posting about it.
For those who can't wait to see me to find out tres and divemedicdave know a small part of what is going on.
Fuzzy
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About my disability!
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Posted:May 12, 2006 7:56 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 5:11 pm
9959 Views
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Ok since I know a friend will be looking at my blog and wondering what I meant on his blog I figured I would write something. It's gonna be short and sweet and to the point.
In May 2003 I got my disability. I have followed Dr's orders long than I care to admit. I finally had surgery to fix part of my problem. Everything was healing well. Then I get this letter saying my disability is going up for review because a nosey neighbor turned it in that I was seen carrying bags of groceries and doing yard work and a ferw other things. STA knows about this I had told her when it first got brought to my attention. I didn't want to tell anyone because truely it's my problem. Though to me it isn't a problem....I want to return to working. Sitting at home everyday not doing anything gets very very boring and it lets your brain waiste away. So in a way I am looking at this as a blessing though my neighbors should have minded their own business. They didn't see me doing those things it was my mother. She and I look alot alike. The reason I know it was my mother is because I haven't carried anything other than a sack of bread into the house since I got hurt. Also if you seen my yard you would see the only yard work needing done is mowing and tree triming which my parents and my brothers do. I own no mower and there's no way you are getting me on a ladder to trim trees. If my friends want a better explaination than this then they know how to reach me. I am afraid I said to much as it is.
I haven't told my family about this review yet because truely they have enough to worry about on their own. This is my problem and I WILL survive.
Da Fuzzy Woman
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Poetry that I have written!
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Posted:May 12, 2006 2:07 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 4:26 pm
9703 Views
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Here are a few poems I have written and had published. Thought you all might like to read them.
FOR ROBIN
Fourteen years
She's just beginning
Fifteen years
She's already wilting
Unwilling to go on
Unsure her job is done
How can one so young be so old
How can one so warm be so cold
How can life begin and end so quickly
How, how is the question we all ask
How can others judge people without judging themselves first
How can I judge others without judging myself first
Only one soul knows these answers
Only one soul knows all answers
Some refuse HIM
Some use HIM
Yet others seek HIM
HE is the only one that should judge people
For in HIS eyes we are all equal
By Fuzzy
Copyright ©2006
And then this one I wrote not long ago after my grandmother passed away.
The Darkness
Lost in a darkness that only envelopes me,
Trying to find my way of which I can not see!
Lost in a darkness alone and afraid,
Trying to find a way to save myself from me!
By Fuzzy
Copyright ©2006
I have a couple others in the works. Just normally can't write without having my heart really into the subject or unless I am angry as heck. I tend to be 100% focused when I am angry, which is funny cause I would think I couldn't accomplish anything while angry but I do.
Anyways, give me some feed back on my poems.
Fuzzy
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What A Wonderful Suprise!
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Posted:May 11, 2006 6:00 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2006 3:26 pm
9720 Views
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Well shucks I am so speechless. Can you imagine my suprise when I open a box from FTD to find 18 long stem Bi-colored Peach roses. I had known someone was up to something when I was asked questions such as what's your favorite color(which is Peach) and what kinda of flowers I like (which are carnations & roses). Then when I was told there was something being sent to me yet no one would tell me what it really got me to thinking....what in the world are those 2 up to. I really didn't know wether they were pulling my leg or not, see I have been told before that there was a package being sent to me and never got anything, so I just wasn't sure. But then here comes a box from FTD and a card that reads..."Fuzzy, it was great to see you on your visit to 'Chicago' to see Nessa. We really enjoyed seeing the sights with you. We hope to see you again before too long. Tim & Mike"
So here I sit thanking Elf & Flyrodder for making this a wonderful day. It meant the world to me recieving this wonderful gift. And you better believe I am coming back to see you all. The roses smell so great guys. My house is filled with that sweet natural rose smell. I am almost high from it. I can't get the smile off my face.
HUGS & KISSES to you both.
Fuzzy
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I'm Home or Am I
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Posted:May 8, 2006 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2006 3:24 pm
9902 Views
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I am home, though I don't know why I call it that now. I've always been told home is where the heart is and to be honest my heart at the moment sure the hell ain't in Kansas no more Toto. You all made me feel so welcome and included me is everything I was up for. I enjoyed myself completely and for the first time I came outta my shell. When it was time to leave it was so hard to know I was going more than a few towns away. Also not knowing when I will get at chance to come back. I teared up when I got in STA's car to head back to her place. I teared up again when I wrote the thank you post to the hostesses and hosts. I tried to keep it together at the train station but I think STA could tell how much it hurt to say good bye. Once in my seat on the train I finally let it all out. .....Cried so hard for so long the other passengers even sent for the conductor to check on me.......so I made myself stop crying and I sat and stared out the window. When I finally got off the train at 4am and crawled into the truck with my friends they emediately started asking how my trip was and again I teared up and imformed them I wanted to stay and never come back to Kansas. My friends kept telling me for someone who had a good time I sure did look like I lost my best friend......they don't know how true that is. I count you all as the best friends I could ever have. You all accepted me for me, which no one not even my family has ever done. I finally got home to my house at 2:30pm this afternoon and imediately went to get the dogs who were by the way happy to see me.....then I came home and got on here. I have read the responces to my thank you post and those comments brought tears to my eyes again. You all will never know how much you all mean to me.....as friends.
A special thanks goes out to STA, BB, Kitty, Maiden, Elf, Flyrodder, OC, and NB for making me feel so comfy with everything and being understanding when I wasn't. Also for dealing with the embarassing moment with my bloodsugars in the main room. I honestly think Fly & Elf could tell I would need someone to lean on and they became my comfort zone people. Then again OC, NB, and Maiden became extra comfort zone people. I thank you all for that. You all will always have a special place in my heart.
The other thing that made it hard to leave was Nessa & Hellz. They mean the world to me and I didn't wanna leave them at all. I hated walking away from the motel the next morning and leaving Nessa behind.
Love ya all,
Fuzzy
Oh and PS......STA didn't appreciate the wet spot in the back seat of her car on the ride to the train...lol....all those bumps with my ummmm thingling body was a strange but ummmmm so good combination.
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The Meet and Greet!
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Posted:May 8, 2006 3:02 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2006 9:56 pm
9699 Views
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All week long I had been up and down emotionally about getting to go to a meet and greet with the people in FTLS group. It wasn't because of being afraid of the people, it was because I am just a very nervous person I guess. Nessa would tell you its cause I over analyze everything. Anyways, the time has come for me to leave for Galesburg, Il where STA will pick me up from the train. I am so nervous I can't sleep on the train until the last 2 hours on the train. As I get off the train I am thinking what an idiot I am for going to meet people I don't actually know in person.....until I see STA, BB, & a male FTLS member(we will call him Q for now) standing there with smiles and a sign with FUZZY written across it. That gave me courage and I swallowed my nerves and walked right up to them and said HI. We all went out to eat then returned to BB's house so she could go to work. The plan had been to leave BB's and go to STA's house but "Q" and I got to talking and well one thing lead to another and I'll just say I got welcomed to the group and Illinois very nicely.
From there STA and I head to her house. She then introduced me to Proftourist, who had to call and tell me and STA that I was a very sexy lady....I think he has lost his mind but oh well. Then we went shopping. STA took me to my first ever adult store....seen some very interesting stuff there. Though silly me I only bought a keychain. You gotta know me though...I collect keychains. Then STA took me to eat supper(thanks prof). We then went to Walmart where I bought condoms for the first time & a new bra & undies to wear to the m&g. And yes the first time I bought any....can't you believe a 29yr old could go that long without buying those. And of course I had to buy batteries for my toys I brought along but NEVER used. We went back to STA's where I logged online long enough to say hi to everyone and chat a bit then I crashed for the night.
Ok here we are the BIG day & night I had been waiting on. It's 6 something in the morning and STA is saying it's time to wake up.....ug. After STA and I get ready we head off to BB's house where we meet up with BB & Amberdragonfly. I crawl in with Amber to ride to the m&g while STA & BB take the other car. Amber is such a sweetie also. She kept telling me to breath.....she knew what I was going through with my nerves since she had just went to her first m&g in galesburg. Everytime we passed a Decatur sign I would be like only 22 more miles, only 10 more miles, gulp here's Decatur....lol. I seen the Days Inn sign first and was like there it is.....and then went instantly silent and started fidgeting with my hands....to which amber says breath and relax it'll be ok.
So here we are pulling into the parking lot. Heart rate is up....don't know if it's nerves or excitement now but I am all jittery. Everyone is telling me to head on in and I am hanging back....finally amber says go on Fuzzy and I take a deep breath and head inside. Following STA and Larry up the stairs and into the room where there is Kitty and mighty8. When Kitty hears my name she immediately gives me a welcoming hug and tells mighty to get over there and give me a hug also. I try to go sit in a corner to which Kitty and STA won't let me and they have me help decorate the ceiling and then help stir the cheese stuff in the crockpot. But soon I retreat to the corner again as more people start showing up. Fogar's here now and has carried up amber's cooler for her. Wow is he a sexy man or what....wowzers. I remain in the corner then. People coming in now, and I can't remember everyone's name. Then in walks Maiden & then Elf. Then before I even see him I hear Fly.....and he walks in the room hugs a few people and turns towards me giving me a come here finger which I try to refuse....but he will have none of it. I finally leave the corner to say hi only to get a flying hug which knocks me back onto the bed and one hell of a kiss....lol. After that I thought about returning to the corner but didn't wanna get tackled again so I opt to sit on the bed. Where I pretty much perch off and on all night. Elf comes in and sets infront of me which makes me feel hiden and safe actually. That is until the dice game starts and well then I am in shock when elf rolls and fly sends him my way to do what the dice say.....ya know what I think those two should be kept seperated now that I think of it. Anyways, I had no use but to turn beet red when I heard what was going to happen. My goodness talk about breaking in the newbie geesh.
The whole time I keep watching the door for Nessa.....which Kitty & Fly tried unsuccessfully to convince me she wasn't coming but I knew Nessa had told me the night before she would be there and I also know Nessa would NEVER lie to me. The biggest supprise was though after I about tackle Nessa and she gives me roses and I head back to my seat I hear someone saying Hi to Hellz and I spin around and say what Hellz is here and go flying back over to give Hellz a hug.....he was supposed to be unable to go to the m&g.....and not only that but Gerdonna was there too.
Anyways, after that the night was a blast. I really enjoyed myself even through the awkward times. And I appreciated everyone's concern when my bloodsugar bottomed out after the body painting. Maybe it was just getting to touch Fly during that contest that made me so hot....lmao. That's it I am blaming Fly, since it couldn't possibly be that I hadn't eaten much that day...lol.
After I got to feeling better from that though things got even better. Thank you to all the men who made my m&g a absolute mind blowing experience. And just so you know my legs still feel like rubber when I stand for to long a time....lol. I think I need to learn a few new positions though....leg cramps ruin all da fun. Oh and thanks to the wonderful man who let me curl up to him and sleep finally at 6 something on Sunday morning.
This will remain a wonderful memory to me. And I hope everyone else had fun also. A word of advise to people who don't have fun at a m&g.....don't let the nerves get to you, if you do you have only yourself to blame when you don't hook up and don't worry about it so much it'll happen when it happens.
Now on another note: If any of the people who showed me a good time wanna write something you have my permission. I myself didn't mention anyone's names because well, I haven't talked to any of you since I said goodbye on Sunday and am not going to mention anyone's names unless they want to. Though dang is it ever hard to keep my mouth shut about some things cause they were sooooooooooooooooooo wonderful.
Thank you all for a wonderful time. And thanks again to tap & una for financing this trip.
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To link to this blog (fancy_for_you) use [blog fancy_for_you] in your messages.
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