Annoyance
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Posted:Oct 26, 2015 9:30 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2015 8:04 pm
4260 Views
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Why is it that we so easily get our hopes up only to have them broken and you are left feeling stupid? This whole putting myself out there that I have been working on, it's harder than I thought.
Don't get me wrong, great things have been happening for me in the last week. I recently got hired for a part time dream job; working at a book store, in addition to getting a great promotion and raise at work today, and yet I feel like even though the work life is going great I still can't win on the personal side.
Is it that I haven’t given myself enough time to be happy alone? Do I not love myself enough to be able to love someone else?? I have so much to give, so many great things to offer, yet I still let assholes into my life. Do you know the ex-had the nerve to text me asking me to go see Mockingjay Part 2 with him since it comes out 2 days after his birthday?? Not a week ago he was texting me starting his Bull Shit and trying to pick a fight…. Why is he doing this?? Oh probably because a mutual friend told him I met someone!
I can’t even say met someone, we have been talking online for 2 weeks just started texting, and although he makes me feel pretty, and special so quick after meeting, I can’t help but feel like it is not going anywhere…. Maybe I am over reacting and I am really annoyed at myself! I don’t want to be that girl that worries, I want to be able to practice what I preach and tell myself “serenity now… let it all go…” however, I can’t seem to take my own advice!
Vent over….
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Hug your fur-babies a little tighter tonight
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Posted:Oct 23, 2015 10:09 pm
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2015 2:16 pm
4795 Views
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Who in their right mind gets a dog, leaves it in a 2 bedroom apartment, and never takes it outside?!?! For the last year or so, the folks in the apartment directly across from mine have had a large, I think, female in their apartment. The day they moved in, the male resident carried her in and she appeared sedated. Over the course of the course of the last year, I have seen her on the patio maybe 3 times, never seen her out for a walk, and for a week or so at a time, she seems to have disappeared, only to reappear several days later.
Walking by the apartment to get to where I park is always an experience with this dog. You can tell she is protective of her house, but afraid of other humans aside from her family. The couple has a young , maybe 2 or 3, and recently had a new baby. The few times the has been outside, it has knocked the little boy over barking and lunging at anyone walking by.
She will bark incessantly for hours on end, charges the bedroom window of the room they keep her in, and when the patio is closed, she will jump on the couch and just snarl and attack the patio door. Resident of the complex have taken to avoiding walking their dogs past this apartment as well as taking their small the "long way around" just so they are not scared to death by this dog.
As I headed out to work this morning my neighbor stopped me and said that the couple apparently has moved out and left this poor dog. She saw them loading a truck late last night with boxes, some furniture and have yet to see them return. The had been left and she had yet to stop barking since the night before. As I walked to the car, she charged the door like normal, going mad barking and off to work I went.
Fast forward to an 8:10p and the is still at the patio door, barking and jumping on the door. My neighbor waves me over and says no one has been home, she doesn't know if there is food for the and that security has been called multiple times to check it out. I drop my stuff off at home, head back to my neighbors and within 10 mins of us talking Security arrives.
We proceed to tell her what we know about the and she tries to contact the PD and local animal control only to be told by the PD they can't enter the home, and the animal control is closed until Monday! Security probably broke several laws but she hopped the fence and approached the dog. She found the patio door was open a crack and she went in. The poor dog, scared backed herself into the bedroom and barked and barked. Security was in there a few minutes, no screaming, so no attack! And comes back out.
The had no water, no food, there were piles of feces all over the apartment, trash everywhere and roaches everywhere! How can you A- have small in that and B- do that to an innocent animal!?!? It blows me away that people can be so cruel to an animal and think nothing of it. She is so antisocial, so afraid of people, and all they need to do is take the time to show this love.
So tonight, I love and pet my precious cat a little more, I ask that you show your fur babies some extra love and if you ever see any kind of animal cruelty, report it immediately!
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Believe in yourself
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Posted:Oct 22, 2015 8:12 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2015 9:48 pm
4914 Views
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In my journey to heal, belief and trust that I am worth all the things that everyone tells me I am worth, I have started to realize that it's all in the way that you look at life. If you have a bad attitude, the people in your life, the actions you take, or the overall prescence around you will be negative.
However, on the other hand, if you tell the world that you are perfect, you are amazing, than the results will be exactly that; amazing! It may seem silly, but tomorrow morning, take a piece of paper, write on it "Today is Amazing" and then tape it to the dashboard of your car. Make sure it is in your line of sight while you are driving, changing the radio station, or checking your rearview mirror.
This little note will make a huge difference. It's one thign to say today will be amazing, it's another to actually make it amazing. Perfect exampe of this, I have been looking for a part time job, with teh recent split from the ex, funds have been tight. In an effort to keep myself afloat, I started putting out resumes hoping for a part time job. At first I looked at it as I need this, I have to get this, and looked in areas that I knew.
What a surprise, I got no hits! I was over qualified for some, others sounded perfect but didn't fit the hours I was avaialble, and I began to feel defeated. Being an avid reader, I had started a new series and was flying through the first book. I had to get to B&N to get the 2nd and 3rd books; they were that good.
Not really thinking about a job, I went to the local store, found my books ad wen tto check out. While waiting I thought, hmmm I could try to apply here. I asked if they were hiring, the clerk gave me a card with the store info and the website to apply and out the door I went.
Still not really feeling like I was ever going to find a new job, I carried on with my reading, my day to day work life and trying to make ends meet. 2 maybe 3 weeks pasted and the small card was lost from memory. After an interesting day at work and talking with my male boss about, Coach purses, of all things, I decided to clean out one purse, swap it for another and was excited when I found that forgotten card.
I figured, why not put in the app, try and see what comes of it. About another week went by and guess who got a call for an interview yesterday!?!? Yep - This girl! The manager said they were looking for seasonal temps with the potential to stay on after the holiday and could I c ome in for an interview. I was super excited and said of course, what time!
Interview scheduled for today at 5:30p and I turned into a nervous wreck. I haven't interviewed for a job in over 5 years, have some court stuff now on my record and what happens if I don't get it?? Bring on the defeat and woe is me thoughts right? WRONG!
Remember me telling you to put that note on your car dashboard, well I have had that very note in my car for a few weeks, and this morning, just like every morning, I looked at that note, and beamed a smile from ear to ear. I said to myself, "You know self, it IS an amazing day!" Over the course of the day I laughed, I smiled, and I didn't let the fear and self doubt take over. If I started feeling like I was over thinking the interview, I would redirect my thoughts and tell myself "you got this".
At 5:15p I arrived at B&N, asked for the manager being that I had an interview with her at 5:30p and proceeded to wait for her to come out. 5 or 6 deep, deep breathes and 10 minutes later, out came the manager. Within a matter of minutes we were laughing, chatting back and forth and I knew I had it in the bag. What should havev been a first interview that would have normally turned into a second interview before any decisions were made turned into 15 minutes of required questions and an immediate offer to join the team being made!
Here's looking at the newesst Sales Associate at B&N pending the backgound check. All because I told myself "You are perfect, you got this, today is amazing!" Now to get through the background and I am golden.
Send happy thoughts, tell yourself you are amazing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise and if they make you feel unworthy, know that it is only what they see in themselves that they are projecting on to you and that is for them to deal with.
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Stress...What is it good for??
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Posted:Oct 21, 2015 10:24 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 7:43 pm
4840 Views
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Stress.... what a bitch it can be... Have you ever thought why do i care, why do I worry, why can't I stop stressing? I often have told myself don't worry over the small things, but that seems to make it worse. The more I try to not stress, the more I fixate.
Many don't know that I have several tattoos, one of which is the Serenity prayer on my arm. For those that don't know it, it goes like this:
God,Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
I often look at my arm and read this prayer to myself. It is one little phrase that can help wash away stress. Being able to understand what you can change and learning to let go of the things you can't. Many think that that phrase/prayer is only for people with addictions; yes many things like AA and NA use that as their closing prayer, but it's so much more than that.
You have to believe in yourself to be able to let go of the stress and the worry. I need to let go of the things at work that I can't change, the things in my life that are out of my control and learn to accept that there is a ryhm and reason to why things happen.
For some stress relief can be the gym, a super hot shower, food, or getting on a chat site and "playing" with a friend. If you are not sure what to do, try different things. Open yourself up to new things that you may have been to affraid to try. You would be surprised what helps when it comes to some serenity in your life.
If nothing tends to help, at least give yourself a montra of "Serenity now, let it go, just breathe."
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Today starts my belief in myself!
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Posted:Oct 21, 2015 7:32 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 7:44 pm
4965 Views
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You should write a blog.... Why is it that this is the 3rd or 4th time this week someone has told me that? I love to write, but who wants to hear what I have to say?? I could rant, I could vent, I could create stories, but who would read them??
Do I need to let go and not worry what others will say or think? Anyone that knows me will scream YES! but yet I can't seem to trust that it's okay to put myself out there.
Often I am told that I am a beautiful person, that I have so much to share yet, as much as I smile and say "thank you", and "that's so sweet of you to say", I still can't seem to believe it myself.
In the last few week's I have been reading about a Hawiian practice called Ho'oponopono. This is the practice of healing others through forgiveness and reconciliation with ones self. The logic behind Ho'oponopono is that if you can use the four main points to heal yourself, everyone, everything that see, hear or interact with. We each create the reality that we live in, and if we are able to "fix" ourselves, then that love and joy, healing, and forgiveness will naturally spread to others.
So, today I start to "fix" myself, I may not fall in love with "me" over night, but in time, I will be proud to say that I can put myself out there and not worry what people think.
The order is different for every person, for me, it's as follows:
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
Thank you
I'm sorry that I allowed myself to feel not worthy
Please forgive me for allowing myself to think I am less of a person
I love that I am able to care for others like they care for me
Thank you for helping me see that I can be the person other see me as
Today I put myself out there with the first of many posts. Some may be vernts, some may be random thoughts, some may be stories that I think of in my head. Today I let myself begin to heal and start to take care of me!
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