Things I'll never get to try
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Posted:Jun 3, 2006 12:42 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 9:59 pm
3013 Views
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I've been having a really deep thinking session here today and I have come to the following conclusions:
1. I will never experience having sex with my wife and another woman at the same time.
2. I will never get a chance to try anal sex.
3. I'll never get to see my wife going down on another woman or another woman going down on her.
4. I will never see my wife masturbate.
Why was I thinking about this stuff, I don't know I'm horny as hell and I can almost guarantee that she won't be in the mood tonight.(just like 99% of time) Plus I ave been reading some blogs that have been talking about it. But then again even when she will allow me to have sex it is always the same thing, never anything new.
It's like the guy at work who asked me "Who are you married too good ole one position" to which I replied yes, how did you know? His reply was simply "Because I'm married to her fucking sister!"
Hell the woman hasn't given me a blow job since we exchanged vows and that was almost 11 years ago. Maybe thats why I am so fucked up in the head. That's just cruel and unusual punishment even if it is me I'm talking about. Oh well time to hit the books and get this out of my head.
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Is that what I have to do to get some??
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Posted:Jun 2, 2006 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2009 4:19 pm
3148 Views
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I love watching people and today saw something that made me shake my head. During my lunch break, well if you can call 0900 lunch, more like a brunch really, no??. Anyway I was looking out of the ninth floor windows down on the street when I noticed I woman, well I actually noticed her cleavage and if you can see cleavage from nine floors up WOW 
As I was drooling on the window an adult couple walked up next to her and I watched as the second woman put her foot on a chair and her companion immediately went into action tying her shoe.
What in the hell is that about? She isn't able to tie her own shoe? Man you need to ask for your nuts back, do you wipe her ass for her too? Or am I wrong and that's what women want? I mean I guess I could do that if it means I got to have sex. Okay no ass wiping I have to draw the line somewhere, but I am open to suggestions.
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From Cold to Fucking Hot
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Posted:May 30, 2006 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2006 5:41 pm
2963 Views
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Dear Lord, Memorial day has hardly passed and it went from Cold enough in the mornings that I was wearing a coat to so damn hot I thought I was going to have a heat stroke. How the hell does the weather turn that fast????
Oh well, I was instructed to replace the UGLY strip fixture in the kitchen yesterday with a paddle fan/light. So I set to work in demo-ing the damn thing.
As someone who works in the commercial side of the trade it always amazes me how the garden variety house mouse electrician does things (two totally different worlds). The guy attached the old fixture to the ceiling with two FOUR INCH 3/8" toggle bolts. Good god man did you think it was going to go somewhere? It weighed all of a pound, a pound and a half tops. I kept going with the screw driver and going, and going, and going. I was thinking what is this thing attached to the roof.
I digress, anyway put the new one up (got one with the remote control cause it was cool) works great. Now I'm thinking hey, that should be worth a piece of ass just did as instructed no complaints, right?? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo like anything should change.
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A nasty suprise, and maybe a lesson learned
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Posted:May 28, 2006 1:55 pm
Last Updated:May 29, 2006 2:02 pm
3011 Views
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I've been thinking man this car fucking stinks, I really need to find out what the fuck is up with that. So out to the old work car to do a little investigating.
I admitt that my work car is not the cleanest vehicle on the planet, but then again I'm the only one who ever rides in the damn thing so who cares. I started rooting around and threw out about a gazillion 7-11 coffee cups and a few empty packages of beef jerky but nothing that was really making a just flat out nasty smell.
Untill I decided to open the trunk up. That's when I saw my cool little lunchbox that convienently holds my thermos as well. Not even thinking I grabbed it and saying there it is I was looking for that.
When I opened it up however, whatever was in there had liquidfied and I damn near puked. Holy Shit what a disgusting find and now I have to somehow clean the thing out.
Gotta go find that Clorox jug.
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It's the simple things that amuse me
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Posted:May 27, 2006 5:38 pm
Last Updated:May 29, 2006 4:08 am
3055 Views
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What a great do nothing day! Sat around and drank beer all afternoon while watching the cars drive by. I also got to enjoy my own little perverse pleasure, the lady who lives across the street from me apparently hates me. It's not that I haven't tried to be nice to her but whatever.
Anyway, if I am outside and she pulls up in her car, she waits for me to go in then she runs as fast as she can for the front door. Why? no idea, I guess I rub her the wrong way. It would be nice to what it is though because I find it rather amusing.
Today was a classic. She pulled the car into the driveway and waited for me to leave as per protocol. This time however I parked my ass down in a chair and casually watched to see what she would do. The woman waited in a parked car that was turned off for fifteen min. before she finally gave up and literally sprinted for the door. Just for the hell of it I waved and said how's it going as she sped past my field of view.
No acknowledgment what so ever, at least flip me off next time lady or better yet tell me what the fuck is up.
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No more crackie
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Posted:May 26, 2006 6:45 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2006 11:04 am
3018 Views
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Yes, even the fucked up traffic was worth it. Tuesday I'm going to a new job and will hopefully be rid of the crack head painter for the rest of my life.
That stupid of a bitch was trying to get me to party with him and his "woman" tonight. I just looked at him and told him I would rather gargle Clorox. What an ass wipe.
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Freeway parking lots
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Posted:May 25, 2006 2:39 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2006 11:04 am
3029 Views
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I should be looking forward to tomorrow, after all it's Friday and the start of a three day weekend to boot. However when I get off work and hit the road to come home I know what I going to have to deal with. The great I-95 Southbound parking lot 
I've traveled around the country and I know every place has it traffic woes, but I have to say the Washington DC Metro/suburbs traffic is the worst it's been my dis-pleasure to deal with.
My personal record for fucked up traffic was two years ago over the July 4 holiday. It took me 10 fucking hours to get from Beltsville MD to Fredericksburg VA, thank God I'm starting from Tysons tomorrow.
Wish me luck.....
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Thank God It's over
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Posted:May 24, 2006 5:07 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2006 12:20 pm
3040 Views
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I just finished my 30 hour OSHA certification course and my brain is numb. If you have never had the pleasure of sitting through one of these things you are indeed lucky.
Thirty hours of sitting and listening to a monotone word for word presentation of Title 29 CFR standard 1926. It was like pulling teeth through your armpit.
OSHA, it's the law dammit. Too bad it's so watered down by the time it becomes law that it's fucking useless.......
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RIR Indy style
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Posted:May 23, 2006 3:18 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 9:59 pm
2970 Views
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WhooHoo!
Got my tickets and I booked my hotel room for June 24th in Richmond today, going down to see the indy race. If I'm lucky I'll get a good look at my little hottie Danica. No, I don't care if she isn't a great driver she's a hell of alot prettier that the men are though.
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That ain't good is it......
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Posted:May 22, 2006 4:28 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 9:59 pm
3006 Views
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Ahhh yes another monday is upon me. When I got to work this morning I thought you know what, I'm not going to let anything bother me today.
That lasted to about 10 am when I ran into my old pal crackie the crack head. I had just came off the stairs and onto the 14th floor sweating my ass off but saying to myself hey people pay money to use stair machines and instead I'm being paid to hump 900,000 fucking steps.
Unfortuantly, my exercise high ended when I came round the corner and ran into crackie. There he was laying into the wall at about a 45 degree angle going thru all kinds of contortions. If you have ever seen Shrek II than just replay the scene where Puss in Boots is coughing up the furball because that's it in a nutshell. Anyway he finnaly coughs up and spits this digusting red blob at the wall and as it starts running down the wall he looks at me and says: "I've been coughing up blood all day. That ain't good is it?"
That ain't good is it!?!?!?!? That's the under statement of the fucking year pal. I hope he isn't at work tomorrow because if he is I may have to leave for fear of catching something....
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WooHoo!!
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Posted:May 21, 2006 11:34 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 9:59 pm
2886 Views
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Well, were going to go ahead and call it another sexless weekend. I went to retrive something from the bedroom and there staring me in the face on the counter in the master bath was the industrial size box of tampons.
Has it really been another 28 days of no sex already, simply amazing, were does time go. Let's see if we do some rough calculations.....
It's probably safe to say that the wife isn't going to give it up now for the rest of the month. so that means up to june we have had (doing this in my head so it may be wrong) I think 150 days since 1 Jan 06, and I've gotten laid three times in that period which means I'm averaging once every fifty days.......
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A Boone & Crockett rack, but plain stupid
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Posted:May 20, 2006 10:23 am
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2014 4:35 pm
2998 Views
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I just returned from a "since you're not doing anything my friend needs you to fix her hallway lights" service call. This woman has got a great set of tits, which I would love to just see, but their attached to someone with the intelligence of a fruit fly.
I get to her house and she tells me she has changed the lamps and they still don't work and hubby thinks it's one of the switches. Dumb enough to listen I pull the switches but all three seem to be working correctly. I climb my ladder to look at the fixtures not believing both would fail at the same time, nope both are in good working order. Can anyone guess what's comming next?
Yep, I relamp the fixtures to complaints of "That's not going to work I already did that!" and throw the switch. Wow! can you believe it they work. The woman saves burned out lamps in a box right next to the new ones. What the Fuck? who saves dead light bulbs?!?!?!? I need a drink.
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Why don't I learn to keep my mouth shut??
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Posted:May 19, 2006 5:06 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 9:59 pm
2906 Views
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I read an article in the magazine section the other day about May being masturbation month. I began thinking about it and thought what the hell maybe I'll casually mention something about it to the ice cube and see if I might warm her up a bit.
Wrong!!!!!!!! Holy shit did I misjudge that one all I heard was how disgusting that was and how normal people don't touch themselves blah blah blah. I'll be lucky if she gives it to me again this year now. You would think after ten years I would learn My sex has checked into HOSPICE deal with it moron.
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