My house, my rules
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Posted:Nov 2, 2015 7:31 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2015 7:03 pm
4701 Views
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One thing that seems to always to be true of is that up to a certain age, the parents can get away with saying "My house, my rules" to anything that goes on. Now I respect this to a point, but at some point it becomes absurd based on circumstances. To that end, I give you my experience this past weekend with my girlfriend at her parent's house.
I went with her to spend the weekend with her family because of a sister's birthday this past weekend and during that time, it was required that the two of us sleep in separate rooms at night. Now, yes she is younger than my by 5 years, but it seems possibly a bit extreme to mandate that two people who have been together a number of months can't necessarily sleep in the same room. Yes, conservative practices may dictate some of that behavior, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. It was only her father that really had this mandate. And for my gf, it was very tough and I think she harbors some resentment towards her father for requiring that given some of her sister's previous actions and the lack of the same negative behavior on her own part.
It did make for some awkward or uncomfortable times, but we got though it. Maybe it will be different next time, but probably not. So any parent's out there, what is your ruling on age and willingness to let a or spend the night with a partner in the same room?
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Infidelity
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Posted:Sep 28, 2015 7:27 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2015 7:23 pm
5026 Views
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While I was on vacation the last three weeks, I learned something that made the vacation a bit less of what I wanted and awkward at first to say the least. My first morning there my parents sat down with me to let me know why things were set up the way they were in the condo. I was told that my dad had been having an affair and my mom called him out on it, just about a week before they left for the vacation and two weeks before I arrived.
This was a real shock to me because my dad has never seemed like the type to do that sort of thing. So as I mentioned before, it made for a very awkward first week. The one positive to the situation was that my parents started seeing a couple's therapist soon after arriving to help deal with the situation for them. I don;t know all the detail about what happened, nor do I really care to know since that is not my place to dig. I still love both of my parents, even with their flaws, and I know that my dad did feel true guilt over the situation. when I left they both seemed to be making progress towards a "new" marriage, but whether or not that hold is yet to be seen. It will take time, and I hope that things will work out for them because this coming January would be, or will be, their 30th wedding anniversary.
I realize that this site can sometimes help facilitate this sort of situation occurring, and I get why people say to those that participate home wreckers and similar. I also understand that people can make mistakes and they should be able to try and work things out if the situation allows. It is one thing for those of you looking for open relationships, that is fine, consenting adults sharing partners with the other partners agreement is great if that is what you want. So is polyamory. I will just say that whatever you choose to do, don't hurt those you love when you do it. I saw my mom break down in tears too many times over my vacation. That is not how vacation is supposed to be spent, it should be enjoyed and everyone should be happy.
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Finally ending
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Posted:Aug 30, 2015 7:00 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2015 12:23 am
5140 Views
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Work has had me quite busy the last two months, but finally this week it is ending. I have enjoyed the work, but I think it has also given me perspective on what I want to do in the coming years. I am thinking going for my PhD is the right choice and as such I am applying to the program at the university to work with another professor I work with regularly. With this project ending it also means something else. I am finally able to take a real vacation and I can enjoy it without feeling like I will be bugged about work related issues. It is a great feeling that I will be able to truly relax.
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Sex in a relationship
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Posted:Jul 29, 2015 6:54 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2015 6:58 pm
5468 Views
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Over the past few months, I have been getting to know what my girlfriend quite well both in and out of the bedroom. One thing that I think has surprised me most is that she appears to be more interested in sex than I am. I don't mind this, but I do think she sometimes forgets that I have a longer time needed to recover between orgasms compared to her. Now maybe this is a self-image thing because she is a bigger girl, but regardless of why, i just find it interesting how much more interested in it she seems compared to me.
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New territory
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Posted:Jun 26, 2015 7:21 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2015 8:12 pm
5634 Views
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So for the weekend of the $th, my girlfriend will be coming to stay with me. This will be the first time she meets my parents as they are visiting for the weekend as well given the holiday. The meeting part is something I have never had to do before, but on top of that, this will be the first time we have been together for 3 weeks and my girlfriend really wants some intimate time together. This is another new area for me, as I have never had to navigate trying to have sex or be intimate while in the same house as other people. Any one have any advice as to how to approach this situation? or is jut not doing anything the best bet?
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My girlfriend
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Posted:Jun 3, 2015 7:19 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2015 5:52 pm
5921 Views
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This past weekend I had my girlfriend over to visit since we do not get to spend time together much as we are a few hours apart right now. During that time we made up for the lost time by having plenty of sex and doing other related things. One thing I noticed both this time time once before, is that when I am fingering her or when I went down on her, at a certain point she had me stop because she was close to orgasm. The time prior when she stopped me, she mentioned that for her when she is about to reach orgasm, it feels akin to a need to pee, and that is why she has me stop. Now I don't know if that is really it or not, maybe one of you who reads this can inform me of your own experience with that phenomenon.
But regardless, having her here to play around with is always nice and she is very willing to try new things. She has had no problem with giving me hand jobs and blow jobs, even telling me she wants me to cum in her mouth and swallowing it. But she is also a bit inexperienced with sex, which is why she is willing to try things, and I really enjoy that aspect of things in the bedroom. She also wanted to get a vibrator for when we are not together and we have sexting sessions, as she has stated using her phone and her hand on herself at the same time is a bit tricky. So this weekend we also bought that for her, and hopefully it works out how she wants.
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Men are stupid
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Posted:Mar 15, 2015 7:24 pm
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2015 7:01 pm
6530 Views
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This past week I went on spring break with friends and during that time got to spend a fair amount of time with two girls from school whom I would say I at least have a crush on, one of whom I work with regularly at the university. The other I have tried to get to know better, but her school at the university is fairly demanding, so I have not had that opportunity.But the whole time there, it felt like she was trying quite hard to make that connection happen.
On the way back to Syracuse, we drove from Orlando, I had time to reflect on the week and also listen to the other girl talk about her past relationships, one of which was basically a 9 year ordeal. During this time she pointed out that men are stupid when it comes to relationships and thinking more about this now that I am back, I wonder if my questioning of the other friend trying to be so friendly and get close is just her trying to make up for the lost time, or is she going after more?
So here I am questioning if she wants to see if there is more between us, was she really flirting with me and I am just oblivious, and all I can hear in my mind is the other saying "men are stupid." I want to ask my other friends at school about this, but at the same time I feel like I am doing the wrong thing since we are all friends and maybe it comes off as weird and I am misreading the while thing. What also complicates things in my mind is the fact that I have also started talking to and gone on a date with someone I met on another site and we seem to get along well, but since it would have to be a long distance relationship to start off, I question the longevity of it but also don;t want to just drop it if I am seeing something closer that doesn't really exist.
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Tongue
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Posted:Feb 20, 2015 7:58 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2024 9:41 pm
6841 Views
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I am curious to know, has anyone had experience with someone who has a tongue piercing and has it had any affect on their sexual experience? I recently got my own tongue pierced and I know that is one thing that some people have said and I had heard before, but never from someone who had actual experience with it.
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Business and Pleasure
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Posted:Jan 15, 2015 7:26 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2024 9:41 pm
7005 Views
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So I have found myself over the last few weeks in a bit of a mental battle of my feelings. One of the women I work with at my university is a good friend, and I have had thoughts of wanting to possibly see if there could be more there. However, a part of me also wants to avoid this because of the fact that we do work together in the same lab, so it has the potential to generate an uncomfortable work environment if things did not go well or the feelings are one sided. I have never had to really deal with this in the past so I feel like I am at a loss.
Do I take the approach of stay friends and just try to be close friends, but nothing beyond that (since I would say she is my closest friend at the university and in the area right now) or try for something more? Have any of you been in a similar situation where a friend/co-worker has been a potential love interest?
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All good things must come to an end
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Posted:Dec 13, 2014 7:34 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2014 6:32 pm
7644 Views
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Last weekend I decided to end the relationship with the girl I was seeing. Ultimately I think I came down to the fact I had never really had a longterm relationship in the past and so my expectations of what I really wanted from it were not in line with what I really need at the moment. While I would like to find someone I enjoy spending time with and can be great friends with, I am not sure that is going to happen any time soon. I think I need to just try things out and also figure out if there is anything worth pursuing between myself and some of the girls at my school.
So I am at least trying to move on in a positive way and not just jump right into something either. But at least on the positive side, I have recently finished my master of science degree and do have some temporary work continuing on at the university, so I will still be able to hang out with my friends from school.
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Conflictions Part 1.5
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Posted:Nov 28, 2014 7:30 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2024 9:41 pm
8368 Views
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So maybe this is just an expansion of my prior post, but I feel like I need to get more off my chest and or more of an explanation. So this is more of just a journal entry as opposed to a simple blog post.
To start off, since midsummer I have been talking to and seeing this girl that I met through an online dating site and we seemed to get along really well when we started talking. I knew from talking with her that obviously she was not skinny or of average weight, she admitted to being a bigger girl, or as some would say, BBW. Now that was not a deal breaker from just knowing it, but when I did go to meet her for the first time I was a bit taken aback since she was much more on the heavy side relative to what I would have though from what she said. Yes, I am aware that people may stretch the true and lie about things, but that is not the point. I still went out with her and her best friend to dinner. Afterwards, we talked for a number of hours before I left, giving her a kiss goodnight. We agreed on another date and things went on from there.
Throughout the time I have been seeing her, I have not really seen the weight thing as an issue, but I feel like the way she carries it makes it more difficult for me to see myself with her long term. I have seen women who are heavy but also carry it well, but this girl does not, and because she has broad shoulders I guess, it makes her seem extremely stocky. But none the less, we have gone out and had fun, and she has come over to my place about once a week since the beginning of the school semester. After the second or third time over, we finally had sex. It has been fine, maybe I am too controlling in it given that I am not very experienced, but it mostly has been me pleasuring her and then missionary me on top of her, but nothing more. I have not suggested anything else, but I also don’t know what her level of comfort is with things.
So moving on, I have been thinking about where I really stand in the relationship over the last maybe month at this point, and I am not sure I am in a spot where I care enough about her relative to how much she cares about me. In the last week or so, she has taken to calling me babe, and I don’t think I am at that point with her. I feel like since we did have sex, that I have had more of a feeling of things being a FWB type relationship. As I have not ever been in a real relationship and this being the first, I have been doing more just self-discovery than anything else, and I don’t want her to get the idea that this will be a long-term relationship, since I do not believe there is likely to be a future for things.
The biggest issue with how I feel right now is that I know the two of us are likely on different levels and breaking up will probably be much more painful for her than for me. She has told me she has not had much luck with dating in the past, and it does pain me to add to that, but things happen. And it is not just the body image thing that has me questioning the status of the relationship. Another big issue at this point is the fact that she is about 5 years younger than me, and I think at this age, that is a significant enough difference for my personality type to be bothersome. The thing is that she demonstrates two very distinct personalities, one being a more mature level headed individual with goals in life and drive, the other being basically a . Being a is not always a bad thing, but I take issue with it because to me it is hard to get over the language use and how she acts in that state. We all should be able to be a from time to time, but at 19, I think that desire is stronger than the desire to be more mature, and it wears thin for me.
I am not one to get overly emotional, so I am not ever angry at her when she does this stuff, but I do internalize the emotions, and it just builds. Since I only see her about once a week, I feel as though I see more of the than the adult in her and that is not what I really want or need in my life at this point. Honestly, however, most of this stuff is probably something I would have to deal with in anyone I date younger than myself now. An example of this type of behavior is in text messaging. While it is a great form of communication, I do not see the quick reply aspect of it as a designator for the use of poor grammar. Autocorrect on phones can mess that up, but when it is the same thing over and over, it begins to drive me insane.
With that, I feel the need to really evaluate where I stand in the relationship and if I am better off cutting the ties or saying that I have re-evaluated my needs and that I do not feel at this time she is what I need. And on top of that, since I have had these feelings, I also am trying to evaluate my relationship with other women who I am around more frequently and am closer to currently. The first is the one person whom I would say I am closest here in Syracuse. She is my lab mate and we have been working together since before I started really taking with the girl I am currently seeing.
The girl in my lab, I will call D, is a wonderful person and someone I have become comfortable talking to regularly and now is my “best friend” here since she and another girl I work with decided to ask me (for those who care to know, within the field I am studying at school, females outnumber males at least 5:1, but possibly up to 8:1). I have told D about most, at least in a general sense, what I have done in my relationship and she was wondering why she had not met the girl I have been seeing. I don't really have an answer to that other than the fact I am not sure if it is the right relationship for me. Since I spend so much time with D, I also have possibly developed more deep feelings than friendship for her, and I would not want things to possibly become awkward between us if I were to ask her out. I know she has tried dome dating over the semester and not had much luck, we might both sort of be in the same boat as far as relationships currently, even though I am somewhat in one currently.
I would like to ask her out too, but since she knows I have been seeing someone and I told her I am unsure of whether or not I feel like this is the right relationship for me or not, asking her out might be seen as more or a betrayal to the girl I am with now. And I do not want to come off in a bad light to her regardless since I do like her even as a friend. And that takes a lot for me to admit since I am an introvert and while great one-on-one with people once I get to know them, that time to get to become comfortable with someone can be months. This is a large amount of physical and emotional energy that I must expend to get to that stage; it is not something I can do over and over again, so I also do not want to lose her friendship.
Some of my feelings are confounded by the fact in the past few months, she has referred to me as the “best boyfriend ever” for being there as a friend and helping her out in the lab and with school work. She and another of the girls in the lab we even discussing how they felt based on what I have said, that I am probably a closet romantic and they thing that is cute (which I know just means they are normal women who see something in me they admire and nothing more). But what if the feeling are very one sided with me and her, where she is seeing a friend, and I am seeing the potential for more? Then it becomes much akin to the situation/relationship I am in now where the affection from one person far outweighs the affection of the other.
Something that D said last week has also been stirring around in my head. Some context for the comment she made. A few of us in the program I am in are planning a trip during spring break and, D was the one to organize it. We were discussing the funding in a group text message, which at some point turned into a few of the people going debating who was better friends with me, for some reason. Anyway, one of the other girls going, called S, is like D and I, and from CT. S has also been adamant about becoming my best friends since the beginning of the semester, but not really done much to do so since we do not have classes together. But, I digress. What D said during the chat, to me in person, what that S and I are “[sic]cute together”. I have been running that though my mind constantly and does that mean she acknowledged that my current relationship is not working and that I should go for S to see if she likes me?
The small number of times I have interacted with S I have enjoyed her company and I do like her, so I also wonder, is the reason that she wants to be my friend because she is attracted to me? At the beginning of the semester we had a department bowling event and she was there. Towards the end of the night, she started talking to a group of the second year students and to me asked if I remembered her (during the fall last year, I gave her and two of her friends a tour during the open house for the department). So when she asked, I said that I did, because I did remember her and her friend who was also accepted into the program. I told her I was happy to become her BFF, and then we never really talked, but every time I have seen her, she keeps asking me about it. So do I ask her out as well?
My mind currently is a jumbled mess of emotions since I am also going to be finishing my Master of Science degree in a few weeks and now I have to focus on post graduation. I feel as though there are a million things running through my head at any one time and when I think about relationship-related thoughts, I start to become somewhat confused, depressed, and I want to just curl up in a ball and cry, because I don't know what to do. Writing this all out helps, but it also brings everything to the forefront of my mind and then I just focus all my attention on it, and it makes things worse. I know depression runs in the family, and I would not be surprised if I had at least a mild case of it, and should probably talk to someone about that, but I also feel like I lack the time to do that at this point.
Ultimately, I just feel lost and do not know what to do. Maybe one of you reading this has an idea. How does one end a relationship of only four months and not come off in a bad light when in all honestly the correct response is “ it is not you, it IS me” because I don't know what I want yet in a partner. If you made it this far, I congratulate you, it is a lot to take in, but I thank you for doing so. I know I have friends who I should be able to talk to, but, again, being an introvert means that talking about these things means that I become physically tired afterwards and it is rough for me. So writing it out is one of my only real options, and here it is, written out for you to read and judge me upon.
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Confliction
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Posted:Nov 23, 2014 7:18 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2014 7:17 pm
7763 Views
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Over the last few months I have been seeing girl I met on another on-line site and up until recently things had been going well. But after the last few times we have gotten together, I feel like any attraction on my end has wained and I have sort of hit a wall as far as how I feel about her. It also seems like she has continued to show an increased level on interest in me relative to my level of interest. Now I am wondering if I have so far only really had an interest in the relationship because it was something new for me completely and now that thrill is gone along with any sort of desire for a relationship with her.
I also have started to think about if there are feeling on my end for some of the girls I go to school with currently and if any of those feeling are mutual or just one sided. If I were to pursue that avenue, does that make it cheating on the girl I have been seeing since the summer? Or am I just over thinking things? One of my biggest worries is if I do go the route of cutting things off with the girl I am seeing now, am I hurting her, and if so, how badly? And what if I do decide to cut things off and look at other avenues, in the time I am not necessarily with someone else, will the lack of someone in my life be worse than the trying to make things work with the current situation and am I just lying to myself and her for the sake of being appreciated by someone?
This may all just sound stupid, but I guess my personality is such I obsess over every little minutia and even seemingly mundane things that occur everyday to me. Maybe it all just boils down to needing to talk to a psychiatrist or something like that.
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