237 Reasons to Have Sex
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Posted:Oct 10, 2007 4:22 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2024 5:58 am
2343 Views
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Let me ask you a personal question: Why do you have sex?
It might seem silly, but think about it: Human beings are downright obsessed with sex. We fantasize about it, we buy medications for it, we build relationships around it, and...we read blogs about it! But why? Why are people so fixated with such a simple bodily function?
A new study featured in the Archives of Sexual Behavior has discovered 237 reasons humans have sex. Some of them are not exactly surprising - many people reported they have sex because it feels good and it is fun - but some of the results might shock you. For instance, the age-old myth that men have sex for pleasure and women have sex for love is not supported by this study - men and women both reported they have sex for enjoyment and gratification.
The people who participated in the study also reported many other reasons they have sex, including: "I felt sorry for the person," "It was for a bet," "I wanted to feel closer to God," "To get a job," "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease," "For money," "I wanted to get rid of my headache," and the downright hilarious reason "I wanted to change the topic of conversation."
Some of these reasons are shocking, and even disturbing -- but I hope these more offbeat responses don't take the focus off the original reason behind the study, which was to help people have safer sex. As the lead author of the study, Cindy Meston, states, "You need to know why people are having sex if you're trying to put into place a safe-sex program."
Meston makes a good point. When we teach our about safe sex and provide sex education in our schools, we need to consider sexuality from a young adult's point of view. This is particularly true for teens and college students. The study, based on the responses of 444 men and women aged from 17 to 52, discovered that the college-age group ranked pleasure and enjoyment as most important. Presumably, these types of sexual situations are less planned. Thus, high schools and colleges need to cater to these young adults by handing out condoms and making birth control readily available before the possibility of sex arises. As Meston states, "If you assume people have sex because they're in the heat of the moment, then [you tell them to] carry condoms." However, as she says, if they are engaging in sex for another reason, "That will require a different strategy."
The study does more than just shed light on strategies for safer sex - it may also help individuals feel more secure and confident about their sexual behaviors. For instance, someone who has sex in order to sleep better might feel comforted when they read the study and realize that many other people have sex for the same reason. Any study that can bring sexual behavior into the mainstream media and remove the stigma of human sexuality is valuable and useful in our society - the more knowledge people have about sex, the more they can enjoy it and the more they can engage in it safely.
So, you tell me, why do you have sex?
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BDSM Makes Men Happier
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Posted:Oct 10, 2007 4:13 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2024 5:58 am
2275 Views
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View: News Article
Research by the World Association of Sexual Health finds some interesting facts. Notably, those who delve into BDSM are no more likely to have suffered sexual abuse than other people, and that men into BDSM scored higher on a scale of psychological wellbeing than other men, indicating that these men are generally happier.
The researchers are not sure why this is the case, but Peter Acworth of kink.com has his own opinion: "I think that those who fantasize about BDSM and actually live out that fantasy are likely to be people who are open and good communicators. It doesn't surprise me in the least that the group was found to be happier than others who keep their desires locked away."
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Rope Dojo
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Posted:Jul 2, 2007 1:55 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2007 4:15 am
2292 Views
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Bondage & BDSM Terms
English Terms -
Bight = A U shaped bend or fold in the rope. In typical rope bondage, a bight is formed by finding the mid point of the rope and folding it in half. The center fold of the rope is now the bight and the ends are the tails.
Cored = This means the rope has a core inside it. Some are stiff, almost solid cores, other have silky fibers inside that are then braided over. For the most part these are not idea for erotic bondage because it hard to tie knots and puts more pressure on the skin surface. Some ropes can be de-corded and become hollow cores and came be used for bondage but onced de corded they tend to be weaker also.
Cotton = A commonly used natural material for rope
Hollow = means the rope has no center, so it O shaped, like a garden hose.
Manila / Sisal / Hemp / Jute / Coir = Natural fibers used in traditional Japanese rope bondage. Unfinished they can be ruff, and if finished get a smooth and golden brown surface.
MFP = Multi Filament Polypropylene
Mummification = A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body is secured under layers of restraining fabric, latex, leather, tape, plasticwrap, shrink wrap, rope or even saran wrap (clingfilm). The aim is to completely immobilize the subject.
Nylon = Most common synthetic rope used for bondage in the US.
Rope = The most versatile, most easily obtainable and cheapest toy and can be used by anyone once a few simple knots are learned.
Solid Braid = Rope that is made with a solid braid (tons of strains woven together)
Standing part = The part of a rope that is not actively in use in making a knot or tying
Slip knot = a knot that is easily released. It is set by pulling a bight through the final turn of the knot, rather than the entire tail, thus a tug of the tails releases the knot.
Tail = A rope ends or the ends that stick out of a knot.
Twisted = A rope that generally has 3 sets of fiber twisted together like the picture below.
Japanese Terms -
Agura = crossed leg position (like seated lotus position)
Asa or Asanawa = traditional Japanese bondage and torture rope made of hemp
Dojo = Literally, 'Place of the Way', or place of learning. (a school)
Dorei = Slave
Gakko = School
Gei = artistic skill
Gyakuebi = Japanese Hog Tie
Hojojutsu = Traditional style of military incarceration and torture used in feudal Japan by samurai and police.
JuJun = Submissive
Kaikyaku Kani = Crab Leg
Karada = means "body", refers to torso/body bondage
Kikkou = Tortoise shell body harness
Kinbaku-bi = the art of erotic/sensual Japanese rope bondage (formed early 20th century) although another source says that this is specifically "torture bondage"
Kotori = suspention bondage
Mata Nawa or Sakuranbo = crotch bondage (the cherry)
Musubime = knot
Musunde = tying a knot
Nawa = rope
Nawashi = (general) Rope bondage artist.
(purist) Rope bondage artist who only uses natural [traditional] forms of bondage, wood beams and hemp rope etc, no metal.
Nawa Sensei = Rope Bondage Master/teacher.
Sensei = Literally, 'One who has gone before'. (a Teacher/Master)
Shibari = Japanese term used mostly by westerns (and now some Japanese) to refer to Japanese style rope bondage. It means "tie" or "bind" but in the western is used as "the action of tying someone up"
Shibaritai = a top indicating his/her desire for bondage action
Shibararetai = a sub indicating his/her desire for bondage action
Shinju / Mune Nawa= breast bondage (the pearls)
Tori = One who demonstrates an action or technique.
Tsuri = "to hang", partial rope suspension
Uke = passive partner in the demonstration of technique. (the bottom)
Unsui = Literally, 'cloud and water'. In Japanese it means seeker of truth. (a student)
Ushirote Munenawa = Arm and Chest bondage
Bondage Books -
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, Craig Morey (four stars! The best book of it's kind! Get one!)
Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman (illustrations are harder to follow but good 3 stars)
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Masturbation
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Posted:Jul 1, 2007 6:37 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2007 4:18 am
2620 Views
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Masturbation gives women the opportunity to explore their body while at the same time giving them a high degree of sexual freedom. It allows women the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure without relying on a partner, and to release sexual tension when they feel the need to. Masturbation can be very empowering teaching tool for women, it teaches them about their bodies, and how it responds to sexual stimulation. Many normal and healthy women only experience orgasm while masturbating, or it is their most intense type of orgasm. Masturbation is the first and most important sexual skill a woman should learn, as it holds the key to enjoying other forms of sexual activity. Ideally, this skill is learned prior to the age of five, but far too often it is not learned until a women is in her late teens or early twenties. This stems from the incorrect notion that are entirely devoid of sexuality and they are to be protected from the 'evils' of sexuality. , especially infants, are incredibly curious individuals who will undoubtedly discover masturbation on their own. A parent, if they catch their masturbating, should not chastise their for it, but rather, tell them about private and public actions.
In spite of the sexual revolution, female masturbation is still somewhat taboo. Even though popular songs, movies, and television shows make mention of female masturbation, or the use of vibrators or dildos, it is not a common topic of discussion. Men and women are more likely to make mention of boys and men masturbating than girls and women. It is given that men and boys masturbate, but for girls and women, even though it is commonly accepted that it is okay for them to do it, they are not expected to. If a woman does not know that her peers masturbate and that they presume that she does, she is less likely to do it, or if she does, she feels guilty for doing it. Even if it is acceptable to do something, people are less likely to do it if they do not know that their peers do it. Since women do not generally talk about it, it is presumed that they do not masturbate.
A common misconception of women is that because they have a partner, they do not feel they should have to; or if they are single, masturbating would substantiate their single status. If they were not single, they would not have to masturbate. So instead of masturbating, they go in search of a partner. Which is not the solution and typically results in unfulfilled desires.
Since masturbation is seen as a "solo" activity, some women with partners do not feel it is appropriate for them to masturbate. If you have a partner, it is believed that your sexual activities with them should fulfill all your sexual needs. While a nice ideal, in real life, a lot of women's sexual needs are not met fully by their partner, no matter how good and loving a partner they have. For women with partners, it is important that they understand that it is perfectly healthy and normal for them to masturbate, and they should do so without feeling guilty. For many, if not most women, the frequency at which they masturbate should not change when they go from being single to having a sexual partner. Some women find they masturbate more when they have a partner, as having a partner makes them feel more sexual, and increases their desire for sex and sexual pleasure.
There are times in all relationships when your partner is not available for sex when you desire it, even when they sleep beside you. Couples frequently have different levels of sex drive, and expectations regarding physical intimacy. This is why women frequently masturbate secretively in the shower, or masturbate silently in the early morning hours while their sleeping partner lies beside them. Masturbating when you have a partner is normal and a woman should not feel ashamed for doing so, most women have probably done it at some point in their relationship. It is often a necessity. Forgoing masturbation and sexual pleasure because you have a partner does harm to you and your relationship because you will slowly begin to blame them for your sexual frustration. As your sexual frustration grows, so does your frustration with the relationship.
While it is extremely untrue, the majority of people believe that women are less sexual than men. We are led to believe that women think about sex and desire sex much less. Society creates outcasts of women who are openly sexual. This results in women believing they should not have strong sexual feelings and desires. Unfortunately, many women are ashamed to admit they become horny. This results in women introverting and denying their own sexual feelings and desires. While a woman's desire for sex may change with time as the result of hormonal influences, they are just as sexual as men. If a woman accepts that she is equally as sexual as a man, she is more likely to feel comfortable with her desire to masturbate.
The main reason a woman should masturbate is because it feels good. Women with strong sex drives may masturbate frequently, but they do so because it feels good, not because they are driven to. If it did not feel good, it is not likely that they would, no matter how aroused they were. A woman should not forgo masturbating just because she does not have a strong sex drive. Even if you have no desire for partner sex, you should still enjoy giving yourself pleasure. The fact that preadolescent girls masturbate proves that hormonally induced sex drives are not the only reason to masturbate. do it for no other reason than it feels good. Since it does feel good, there is no reason to expect women not to. There is nothing wrong with a woman giving herself pleasure on a daily basis, or less often if she so desires. For masturbation to be pleasurable, it does not have to end in orgasm. Masturbation may involve nothing more than placing your hands against your vulva when you go to sleep at night, because it feels good.
I do not want people to get the impression based on the above statements that all women have negative views of masturbation, or that all women need to masturbate. Women are increasingly developing very positive attitudes towards masturbation and the pleasure it can bring them. If given the opportunity, women will often discuss their masturbation habits with pride, without the least amount of guilt.
Basic Masturbation Techniques
Women and girls masturbate in an endless list of ways. Common methods are, massaging of the clitoris with hands and fingers, rubbing the vulva up against pillows, bed cloths, stuffed animals, and furniture, etc. The vagina appears to play a limited role in the masturbation practices of women, but vaginal penetration during masturbation is by no means unusual or uncommon. Some women employ anal and/or nipple stimulation in addition to clitoral and vaginal stimulation.
It is important to understand that there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to orgasm using a different or more correct method because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is slightly different and her psychological makeup is quite different. This results in every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same basic technique. While some women can masturbate to orgasm employing several different techniques, others find they can reach orgasm only when they use the same method each time. There is nothing wrong with this. Due to conditioning and the differences in women's bodies, learning new techniques for some can be difficult or even impossible. If you are orgasmic with your current masturbation technique, feel free to experiment, but do not feel you have to reach orgasm in other ways. Remember, masturbation is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, no matter how you do it.
The Beginner
When you have relaxed your body, lie on a bed, or sit in a comfortable chair, and explore your nude or semi-nude body. Run your fingers and hands across your body. Explore your breasts and play with your nipples. Caress your legs and thighs. Cup your vulva in your hand and gently rub in small circles. Stimulate your body, but do not try to reach orgasm. Make yourself feel good. If you feel yourself get tense, stop what you are doing, breath deeply, and relax. Do this exercise as often as possible, but for no longer than 20 minutes per session. Do not tire or stress yourself out. The point of this exercise is to make you feel good while staying relaxed, not to have an orgasm. You want to feel a little aroused, but at peace, not compelled to go further.
After you become comfortable exploring and touching your body you will want to try more direct means of stimulating your vulva. Slip your fingers between the folds of your vulva and massage and play with your inner labia, perhaps pulling on them lightly or firmly. Slip your fingers up to the top of your vulva and place them on top of your clitoris. Gently move your fingers up and down, around, and perhaps even wildly jiggle them. Make the loose tissue covering your clitoris slide across the body and glans of your clitoris. If you feel a need to be filled, insert a finger or two into your vagina. You want to make yourself feel really good, but you do not want to intentionally try to have an orgasm. If an orgasm occurs, you want it to be a total surprise. If you are thinking about having an orgasm, you need to slow down, relax, and redirect your thoughts. You do not want your brain to know you are about to have an orgasm.
You probably will not experience orgasm the very first or first few times so do not try to. Just enjoy the pleasures of touching yourself. If you get to a point where you suddenly find your body is super tense, you are trying too hard. Try to enjoy yourself, not orgasm. You want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. If you feel yourself on the verge of orgasm, but cannot, you are probably trying too hard; you cannot force your body to have an orgasm. The more you concentrate on trying to have an orgasm, the less likely you are to have one.
Clitoral Stimulation
Using your hands and fingers, stimulate (rub, stroke, pinch, etc) the clitoris with one or more fingers or the palm of your hand. Some find direct contact with the clitoris too intense, and prefer stimulation near or around the clitoris. Others prefer to have a layer of clothing or some other fabric between the hand and clit. Try it both ways and see what works best for you.
G-Spot Stimulation
Inserting a vibrator or dildo into the vagina can help locate and stimulate your G-Spot and offers a feeling of fullness in the vagina. You can locate your G-spot with your fingers, but it's difficult to provide adequate stimulation through manual masturbation. Women who enjoy stimulation of the G-spot usually employ sexual toys to make it easier and more enjoyable.
Vibrators
Vibrators are used primarily for clitoral stimulation, though many women also use them for vaginal or anal stimulation. They also may be combined with other toys and used in any number of positions. A good, discrete alternative to a vibrator for clitoral or anal stimulation is a massage wand. However, massage wands cannot be used for vaginal or anal penetration. To check out a wide selection of sex toys, please check our sex toy store, Best Sex Toy Review.
Common, Everyday Objects
Rub your clitoris against any soft, non-abrasive object (e.g., a pillow, the corner of a couch, etc.) and see if you enjoy the stimulation it provides.
Showers
A detachable showerhead can be quite scintillating for just about any woman. The best shower available is the ones with the versatile control that switches the water from a steady stream to a pulsating jet spray. In hot tubs, avoid sending strong streams of water into the vagina; this can cause fatal air embolism.
Anal Stimulation
The anus is quite sensitive to touch and many women enjoy stimulation of this area during masturbation or partner sex play. You can experiment on this highly erogenous area with your fingers or anal toys such as anal beads and anal dildos (better known as butt plugs).
Conclusion
In closing, there is no right way to masturbate and there is no specific number of times you should do it per week. As long as you feel comfortable with the frequency at which you masturbate and the pleasure it provides you, then keep on doing it. Masturbation is normal and should be pleasurable, so find out what you like the best and then show your partner, when you find one, how they can please you properly.
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