Normal.
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Posted:Mar 22, 2014 10:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2014 7:36 pm
20716 Views
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Super-tired (last night).
I was supposed to do a blog entry last night but I chose to hit the bed instead. All I can really remember of this supposed entry is the subject title....
Suddenly. There seems to be so many things to do lately.. Busy. My attention is all diverted, and I'm attained another level of understanding... Both sexually and as generally in life...
There were too many things I'd wanted to do last night. But I chose the bed instead.... (which I thought was a smart choice) I dreamt a lot, something which I have not done in a very long time... In fact I've not been having more than 3 hours of sleep... (my sleeping hours each day generally ranges from 1-3hr).
I used to think I'm a simple man who leads a very complicated life... Now I think I'm a very complicated person... Though I would like a simple life often... Well, in a way? Slowly, I cannot lie to myself about who I am...
There are so many things I want to do.... But for now, think I'll just focus on what I need to do...?
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FORWARD.
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Posted:Mar 17, 2014 8:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
19292 Views
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Go home, wash up. Then unpack, pack. Then gaming. Then online. This was my PLAN... Now I'm changing it again... Blogging 1st... Hopefully I would be showering and washing up shortly after and not be distracted by anything else online....
My sleepy mind is drifting 'sharply' from one thing to another....
The 'hunt' was called off. It was silent.
There was silence. Noisy silence... "Happiness". But we all know beyond that 'happiness'... Beneath that 'sweet layer'.... Lies a total rotten state.....
Suddenly I just forgotten what I thought about earlier and do not wish to blog again.
11.30pm. Much later than I thought.... Wish to set everything to 'forward' and sleep early. Unlikely?
Didn't sleep a wink last night....
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Never.
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 2:29 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
16957 Views
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Perhaps it is in the wrongs of right that the rights be wrong,
Or perhaps it is in the light of wrongs that the wrongs be light...
Not sleep. Again. This feels like a karma.. A cycle never-ending.... A search? That I need to move on... Hang on... Stop. Rest. Think. Make mistakes. Stop. Think. Rest? Make mistakes all over and over again....
Perhaps we are never meant to overcome. The work. The challenge. The rocks... That fill this world...
Flattened, I shall not sleep. Live just to die the other day...?
Perhaps I should not wake... Live to die and to be flattened on another day?
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Days & Nights...
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Posted:Mar 11, 2014 9:55 am
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2014 8:39 am
16053 Views
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I cannot remember how many nights I've been sleeping like for 2-3 hours... How many nights for 1 hour.... How many not at all....
I thought I was very tired... But by the time night comes, I linger on...
It's that time of the year again. Appraisal and review. Somehow it seems so much more real than the 'goals setting' during the usual New Years' season... And these days it seems to be getting easier and easier as I get more and more focused on what I do.... Though I know I won't really be appreciated for what I've been doing and there really isn't anything to look forward to.... (except a change of job maybe?) Doesn't matter. I'm still getting what I want till that happens...
From knowing myself... Being myself and going deeper and deeper into myself.... Smile. Be yourself. Be happy. Be real. That's the only one reason really worth celebrating for....
For what you're looking to... Wishing that they would happen... Knowing that you would make them happen... Knowing that they would happen...
I know I'm a 'sexpert' but doesn't really matter...
Meaningless are so many things...
Hmm... My sex drive seems to be really going up these days...
Sleepless. I don't even seems to get tired at work these days....
Becoming who I'm not (yet).... Becoming who I am......
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One Day. ZERO.
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Posted:Mar 5, 2014 7:50 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
13008 Views
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I WISH sometimes one day I'll have nothing much I need to do... And all that I'll be doing is what I want to do... Lazing away...
A colleague told me she found her pace too slowing down... Too lazy. I find my pace way too fast, I'm trying to slow things down a bit to strike a proper balance....
Tonight. Not breaking the rules. I think... Sometimes I can choose to break the 'rules', sometimes I can choose not to... Then what kind of 'rules' are they really...? So easily broken..? Or is this decision of 'breaking rules' just another rule within the rules altogether...?
I want... Minimal things tonight. TIRED. Yesterday I was tired too. Though I had wish I be sleeping early, I really couldn't bet on myself being able to do so yesterday... Call it a gut feeling? Tonight I wish to sleep early. I'll give it a neutral bet for now.... Think perhaps I just need a new rule to lead myself into the bed? What time would I really sleep today...? Early? Like how early...?? 3am? 4am...?? 
My hair is all wet....
The silence. I wish to get rid of it... I want the money. I want the company. I want to break the situation... I want to get rid of EVERYTHING, and put EVERYTHING back into PLACE again.
I think I'm becoming used to home.. Not really wanting to go out...
I WISH to SLEEP EARLY. GET RID of my HEADACHES, my TIREDNESS, let my complexion feel well and body be at rest again....
Nothing better to do. All the foreigner maids and labourers at picnic... Just like the Italians and French spending their lazy days watching the sun rise and then set...? Waste of time...? Well, I used to enjoy things like that... Doing nothing but just lazing away... I miss those living days....
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It's Complicated...
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Posted:Mar 5, 2014 7:35 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
7256 Views
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I remember how as a , I used to ask a lot of difficult questions like I do now... Of how my mum used to tell me when I was a of the 'complicated' things... That it's too complicated to be explained to me then, and even if she does, I won't be able to understand...
When I grew up, I realized that my mum really doesn't have the answer to most of my questions... That I would have to slowly learn them by myself.... and that my mum really have 'questions' of her own....
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DiSTRACTionS
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Posted:Mar 4, 2014 10:59 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
7242 Views
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I, ME, I ; ME. WHY? WHY nOT?
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Becoimng me (again)...
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Posted:Mar 4, 2014 5:42 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2014 7:59 am
7922 Views
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Pardon me. Sometimes I'm very structured. Other times not. (abstract) It's up to you to interpret me... But it's when I'm both which makes me most unique... And the hardest to comprehend...
The thing about becoming me... Breaking rules (again tonight), setting 'rules', and breaking them again... Becoming structural and appealing... Then becoming crazy and all 'heck care' about how I might look... Couldn't be understood.. Not wanting to be understood. Doing things for the sake of doing it. Doing things for no apparent reason... Which could means.. There are reasons underlying which could not be understood easily by layman... Can also mean... There're simply no reason at all... Charming. Annoying. That's me?
I want to be... Me again... I want to dream again... I want to be happy. Want to smile. Want to believe. And disbelieve... I want to be me.
They say you should plan, schedule and list things down in order to get them done... I can only half agree. I want to get things done. But not so 'simply'...
I want to create. Myself. My environment. My lifestyle... And truly be me..... I want to be...
I want to change so fast you couldn't quite see me. Couldn't quite catch up. Let alone match up....
I want to return to myself. I want to 'destroy' everything.... I want to sleep... Grow... Learn....
I want to get what I deserve. I want to work for it. I want to fight for it. I want to EARN IT....
I want to walk back... Return.. And slowly 'close' everything.
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'PUSH'...
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Posted:Mar 3, 2014 6:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2014 7:59 am
8013 Views
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EXPECT the PREDICTABLES... Sometimes life is just about making changes... BREAKING RULES...
I'm 'breaking rules' again, doing the things I'm not suppose to do... Rules... Heck...? It's a weird world I should say... Totally irrelevant... Okay, okay... I know what you people would be saying... Yadak, yadak.... But like I'd probably said a million times before, I'm DIFFERENT.... I THINK DIFFERENT.
Really feel like gaming tonight. I figured I would have 4 things at least I'll need to settle on my computer before I can do that... And that shall EXCLUDE the other 3-4 other things I'm suppose to do (by right) before I even turn on my computer... And this is actually already short enough... Come to think of it, I can think that my 'to do' list on my computer yesterday would easily reach 6-7 items... 
Silent night. Where is everybody? Not surprising that I'm getting this type of feeling as I often stand up till the wee hours or ended up not sleeping at all... I know... Truly bad for my health... And no matter how I WISH, PLAN and THINK of what I should be doing so that I can hit my bed earlier and enjoy a good night's rest...? I was never really doing that (at all).
Sometimes just feel like chatting... But don't worry... It's not like I'm going to wake someone up in the middle of the night at 3-5am or such..?
She messaged me again... Telling me she wish to meet me again. I totally have no mood. 1stly, I'm just so deadbeat tired from work. I had REALLY wanted 'it' last night, but too bad... 2ndly, I cannot imagine myself travelling all the way to her place again. The experience was like a nightmare. I'll rather be sleeping or doing something else... Something which would prove to be more productive for my time.... Besides.... The more I think of yesterday, the more 'switch off' I become... So NO DO....
Instead I'm thinking about her, but she has been ignoring me. Gone you seems to be. Perhaps I'm long forgotten....?
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6
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Multiple - Time to stop?
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Posted:Mar 2, 2014 8:29 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
7722 Views
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She was messaging me, telling me how much she wants it with me and everything... I can't forget her. So I agreed to meet. Travelled all the way from a corner of this country to the other, but she was not replying my messages... When I finally tried to call her, her mobile was off. I waited and waited, tried calling over and over again but in vain... All in all I wasted 2 hours just travelling back and forth and waiting for her.... What if she actually has a bf or a husband...?? I won't even be surprised.... Had wanted sex (because of how she was telling me how much she wants it from me...) and must admit this is a REAL 'SWITCH OFF'! COULD HAVE just stayed at home to watch a movie, played game... Whatever..... I even bothered to spend time for cutting my nails, trimming myself and washed up myself good.... Well.... 
Or maybe it's really time to stop sex? For a change?
Had gotten myself a good luck pedal for this year, but I realised that every time I take that pedal off and replace it with this real nice looking 'black snake' necklace, my luck would become REALLY BAD... You can call me superstitious or what, but like this has been proven at least 3-4 times before...
Feel like gaming online but doubt I could? It's already half an hour past 12am... And I've still got other things to clear before I can even think about my 'game'...?? Oh well...
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ALL OVER YOU....
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Posted:Mar 2, 2014 4:19 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 11:12 pm
5624 Views
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THE MOMENT I stepped into the toilet, the feeling under my feet... The look and smell.... EVERYTHING just seems to GET INTO ME!! I just went crazy and decided to DO A WASHUP SUDDENLY ONE NIGHT!! Each time I step in now.... Each time I'm REMINDED that I want to DO THIS and APPLY THIS THROUGHOUT the HOUSE!!
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To link to this blog (rm_DevilCharmZ) use [blog rm_DevilCharmZ] in your messages.
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Wish I could be finally SLEEPING EARLY TONIGHT! Though I personally doubt it... 
