Slogans for viagra
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Posted:May 4, 2006 4:48 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2159 Views
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slogans for viagra
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.
The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written
for other products, which captured the essence of Viagra.
Slight variations were acceptable.
About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a
Top Ten List.
With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well
for everyone.
The top ten were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your winkie. This is your winkie on drugs.
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adult fairy tales
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Posted:Apr 26, 2006 8:03 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2006 5:56 pm
2333 Views
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Adult Fairy Tales
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home
by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ..
Peter, Peter, something or other.."
___________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf
jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
___________________________________________
Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
____________________________________________
One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions
about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan
Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been
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lizard birthing story
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Posted:Apr 26, 2006 7:22 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2006 8:59 pm
2342 Views
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>> >If you have raised (or been one), and gone through the pet
>>
>> >syndrome, including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the
story
>>
>> >below will have you laughing out LOUD!
>>
>> >
>>
>> >Overview: I had to take my 's lizard to the vet.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my came up
to
>>
>> >tell me there is "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he
holds
>>
>> >prisoner in a cage in his room.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad
can
>>
>> >you help?"
>>
>> >
>>
>> >I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him
into
>>
>> >his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his
back,
>>
>> >looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
>>
>> >
>>
>> >
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having
babies."
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"What?" my demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
>>
>> >
>>
>> >I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
>>
>> >didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she
>>inquired.
>>
>> >(I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my
>>
>> >most moving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
>>
>> >"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my agreed.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she
>>
>> >informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)
>>
>> >
>>
>> >By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going
on. I
>>
>> >shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. ", this is going to
be a
>>
>> >wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the
miracle
>>
>> >of birth."
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter
of
>>
>> >tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do
think
>>
>> >she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
>>
>> >
>>
>> >We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a
>>
>> >tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Do something Dad!" my urged.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when
it
>>
>> >next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried
>>
>> >several more times with the same results.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Should I call 911," my eldest wanted to know. "Maybe they
>>
>> >could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the
>>
>> >females in my
>>
>> >house?)
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet
with
>>
>> >my holding the cage in his lap.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women
can
>>
>> >be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one
>>
>> >thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
>>
>> >
>>
>> >The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the
little
>>
>> >animal through a magnifying glass.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I
speak
>>
>> >to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my to
step
>>outside.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour.
In
>>
>> >fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see,
Ernie
>>
>> >is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like
>>
>> >most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he
did,
>>
>> >lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
>>
>> >
>>
>> >We were silent, absorbing this.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And
giggle.
>>
>> >And then even laugh loudly.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the
>>
>> >woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless
>>manliness.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that... I'm
>>
>> >picturing you pulling on its......teeny little..." she gasped for
more
>>
>> >air to bellow in laughter once more.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled
the
>>
>> >lizards and our back into the car. He was glad everything was
going
>>
>> >to be okay.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told
me.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >"Oh, you have NO idea" my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
>>
>> >
>>
>> >2 - Lizards - $140...
>>
>> >
>>
>> >1 - Cage - $50...
>>
>> >
>>
>> >Trip to the Vet - $30...
>>
>> >
>>
>> >Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's
wacker...........Priceless
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Superman
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Posted:Apr 26, 2006 7:09 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2347 Views
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One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to ask his super
hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.
"Hey Batman!
Who's good in the sack?"
"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is
the best sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?" replied Batman.
"I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want
to take advantage of her."
"Damn shame," said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove
off.
Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the
Green Lantern patching up a building.
He flew down.
"Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor,
who's the best babe in comicland?"
"Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman
is far and away the best lay in Comicland,
Why don't you try her?"
Well, we're sort of friends," Superman said, "but I didn't realize she
had gotten around so much" and he flew off in frustration.
Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder
Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart and up
in the air. Superman was tempted. He thought to himself,
"I'm faster than a speeding bullet,
I can be in and out of there before she even
knows I'm here."
So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone. Wonder Woman
stared up into the sky with a dazed _expression. "What the hell was
that??" she exclaimed.
"I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off,
"but my ass is killing me."
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Grandmother Advice
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Posted:Apr 26, 2006 5:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2168 Views
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>> >>>>----- A young Italian girl was going on a date.
>> >>>>Her nonna said: "Sita here ana letame tella you about
>> >>>>those-a .
>> >>>>He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea
>> >>>>dat, but don'ta let him
>> >>>>do that. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you
>> >>>>are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do that. But most
>> >>>>important, he's
>> >>>>agonna try ana lay topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but
don'ta
>> >>>>let him do
>> >>>>that. Doing thata willa disgrace the family.
>> >>>> With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on
>> >>>>her
>>date.
>> >>>>The next day she told grandma that her date went just
>> >>>>like she had
>> >>>>predicted: "Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the
>> >>>>family. When he tried, I
>> >>>>just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS
>> >>>>family!"
>> >>>>Nonna fainted
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The Tight Skirt
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Posted:Apr 16, 2006 9:33 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2189 Views
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>>> >> The Tight Skirt
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
>>> >>
>>> >>wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus
>>> >>
>>> >>stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
>>> >>
>>> >>her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
>>> >>
>>> >>of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a
>>> >>
>>> >>quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her
>>> >>
>>> >>skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to
>>> >>
>>> >>raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she
>>> >>
>>> >>couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
>>> >>
>>> >>behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second
>>> >>
>>> >>time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she
>>> >>
>>> >>could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she
>>> >>
>>> >>again reached behind to unzip a little more!
>>> >>
>>> >> and
>>> >>
>>> >> again! was
>>> >>
>>> >>unable to take the step.
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>About this time, a large Cape Bretoner, who was standing
>>> >>
>>> >>behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on
>>> >>
>>> >>the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be
>>> >>
>>> >>Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even
>>> >>
>>> >>know who you are!"
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>The Caper smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would
>>> >>
>>> >>agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I
>>> >>
>>> >>kinda figured we was friends."
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Flying Backwards
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Posted:Apr 15, 2006 4:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2153 Views
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FLYING BACKWARDS
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail.
When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned. How was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch. When I nibbled on her breast she farted and flew out the window!"
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Flying Backwards
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Posted:Apr 15, 2006 4:19 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2151 Views
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FLYING BACKWARDS
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail.
When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned. How was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch. When I nibbled on her breast she farted and flew out the window!"
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UCLA STUDY
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Posted:Apr 14, 2006 12:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2140 Views
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UCLA STUDY!
>
>
>
> A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry
> has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a
>man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
>
> For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with
>rugged and masculine features.
> However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be
>more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and tape
>over his mouth while he is on fire.
>
>
> No further studies are expected.
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The Elevator
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Posted:Apr 14, 2006 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2052 Views
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Subject: Amish Elevator
> An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost
> everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that
> could move apart and then slide back together again.
>
> The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
>
> The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ", I have never
> seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
> While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
> lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
> The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
> walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular
> numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch
> until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in
> the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous
> 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
>
> The father said quietly to his ... "Go get your mother."
>
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what religion is your bra
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Posted:Apr 13, 2006 1:56 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
2000 Views
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What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
"It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
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the circumsim
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Posted:Apr 12, 2006 8:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 12:20 pm
1916 Views
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A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She
went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and
whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite
itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to
telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it
and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back
of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at
his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said,
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and
pick me up from school."
; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM???
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little white dot
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Posted:Apr 12, 2006 8:19 pm
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2006 1:50 pm
1873 Views
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A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find
out something
'exciting' and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the
first little boy
the teacher called on walked up to the front of the
class, took a piece
of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard,
and then sat back
down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a period," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so
'exciting' about
a period?"
"Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning my
sister was
'missing'one. Mommy fainted; daddy had a heart attack,
and the
boy next door joined the Navy.
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