BLONDE YEAR REVIEW
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Posted:Apr 12, 2006 8:01 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 5:34 am
1706 Views
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Blond Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"
April - Power went out..... Trapped on escalator for hours!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to ! peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days..... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Had an emergency. Couldn't call 911..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year
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Rent
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Posted:Apr 10, 2006 5:30 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2006 5:53 pm
1753 Views
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>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and
>>>>> agrees to spend the night with her for $500.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>He spends the night with her but before he leaves,
>>>>>he tells her that he does not have any cash with him,
>>>>> but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to
>>>>>her,
>>>>> calling the payment
>>>>>
>>>>>"RENT FOR APARTMENT."
>>>>>
>>>>>On the way to the office he regrets what he has done,
>>>>>realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
>>>>>So he has his secretary send a check for
>>>>>$250 and enclosed the following typed note:
>>>>>
>>>>>Dear Madam :
>>>>>
>>>>>Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of
>>>>>your
>>>>>apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when
>>>>>I
>>>>>rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;
>>>>>
>>>>> 1) it had never been occupied;
>>>>>2) that there was plenty of heat; and
>>>>>3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
>>>>>
>>>>>However, I found out that it had been previously occupied,
>>>>>that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Upon receipt of the note,
>>>>> the girl immediately returned the check for $250
>>>>>with the following note:
>>>>>
>>>>>Dear Sir,
>>>>>
>>>>>First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
>>>>> beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
>>>>>
>>>>>As for the heat, there is plenty of it,
>>>>>if you know how to turn it on.
>>>>>
>>>>> Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
>>>>> but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,
>>>>>please don't blame the landlady.
>>>>>
>>>>>Send the rent in full or we will be forced to
>>>>>contact your present landlady.
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You have two choices in life
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Posted:Apr 10, 2006 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2006 5:32 pm
1765 Views
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You can stay single and be miserable,
Or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband,
There is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, , I'm still paying."
A young asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
A man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, ."
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
And by then, it was too late."
If you want your spouse to listen and
Pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
They had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE !!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine . A
Blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they
Find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine are able to fit
Onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
Husband gets irritated by the clicking of the stick of the blind man as he
Taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of
Rubber at the end of your stick? That clicking sound is driving me
Crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
Stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
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The Quickie
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Posted:Apr 10, 2006 4:39 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 5:34 am
1646 Views
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THE QUICKIE
> >>>> >>>>> >
> >>>> >>>>> >
> >>>> >>>>> > >The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie
> >>>>with
> >>>>
> >>>>>their
> >>>> >>>>> > >8 year old in the apartment was to send him out
> >>>>on
> >>>> >>>>> > >the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on
> >>>>all
> >>>> >>>>> > >the neighborhood activities.
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >He began his commentary as his parents put their
> >>>> >>>>> > >plan into operation:
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >"There's a car being towed from the parking lot",
> >>>> >>>>> > >he
>shouted.
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by"
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >A few moments later,
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >"Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called
> >>>>out.
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >"Matt's riding a new bike....."
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >A few moments later,
> >>>> >>>>> >
> >
> >>>> >>>>> > >'Looks like the Sanders are moving"
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >"Jason is on his skate board...."
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >A few more moments,
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >"The Coopers are having sex!!"
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they
>are
> >>>>having
> >>>sex?"
> >>>> >>>>> > >
> >>>> >>>>> > >"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a
> >>>>Popsicle
> >>>> >>>>>too."
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Untitled
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Posted:Apr 10, 2006 2:39 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2006 5:38 pm
1661 Views
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Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful , the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
metal, wood, stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his ?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached.
He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer)
v
v
v
v
v
M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking, you pervert??
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Older People
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Posted:Apr 6, 2006 8:57 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 5:34 am
1656 Views
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>> An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store
>> one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
>>
>> He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for
>>
>> his girlfriend.
>>
>> The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out
>> a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said,
>>
>> "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
>>
>> At that statement, the jeweler went to his special
>> stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring
>>
>> at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
>>
>> The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body
>> trembled with
>>excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll
>>take it."
>>
>> The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the
>> old man stated, by check."I know you need to make sure
>>
>> my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can
>> call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick
>> the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
>>
>> Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the
>> old man. "There's no money in that account."
>>
>> "I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the
>> weekend I had?"
>>
>> Don't mess with Old People
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Basball& Glove
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Posted:Apr 1, 2006 8:22 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 5:34 am
1680 Views
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A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it!?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says - "$1,000".
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.! "
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
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Thanx
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Posted:Mar 31, 2006 10:01 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2006 3:48 pm
1715 Views
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Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their
>overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in
>his 's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one
>of the pills.
>
>
>The said, "I don't think you should take one Dad,
>they're very strong and very expensive."
>
>
>"How much?" asked Grandpa.
>"$10.00 a pill," Answered the .
>"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try
>one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the
>money under the pillow."
>
>
>Later the next morning, the found $110.00 under
>the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you
>each pill was $10.00, not $110.00.
>
>
>I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."
Have A nice day:
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part 2
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Posted:Mar 30, 2006 9:18 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 5:34 am
1940 Views
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she could tell that she was starting to really arouse her as she could hear him moan softly in her ear when they arrive at the nxt level they both happend to be getting off on the same one which happends to be the parking garage he asks her would u like to go somewhere and have alot of fun she says sure why not ive got nothing else to do and ya already have my pussy moistend wet and im starting to get slightly aroused as well as they approach her car he says o really now I guess im gonna have to find out for myself huh he turns her around and lifts her onto the side of her car where she sits with her legs hanging off the car he reaches up between her legs under her skirt and gently moves her panties aside just enough to where he can feel her wetness even more with still being discreet so if someone walks buy or drives buy they couldnt tell what they were doing he gently takes one finger and runs is across the clit of her pussy as he whispers to her I notice u keep a nice clean shaved pussy she respondes with a silent yes he finally finds the spot inside of her dripping wet pussy to where he knows he will be able to please her just enough to make her want more and just enough for them to be able to make it where they are gonna go he then ask so where would you like to continue this at she respondes how abt my place its just about three miles down the street would u like to follow me or ride with me he says how about I follow u then I can just leave from your place that is if you want me to leave aftr we have our fun he follows her to her place and follows her inside as she walks inside he notices how long her hair is and how beautiful it is and how it makes her look sexy as well she asks him if hed like something to drink and he says yes she walks over to the living room and says help yourself to the bar ill go slip into something a lil more comfy and join you for a drink while im doing that pls feel free to make yourself a lil more comfortable feel free to turn the tv on or turn the radio on ill be back in a jiff he watches as she leaves the room and decides to make them both a drink and turn the radio on to some nice soft music looks around and finds some candles and lights them as well he also pulls the curtains and leaves them slightly open just a bit for just a lil bit of the sunlight can still come in the room. She apprears a few mins later with her hair still up and wearing a nice while silky with lace across the bodice of it he comments on how sexy she looks as she says i see u made urself at home he says yes i hope u dont mind she says no thats what i told ya to do isnt it silly he also says here I made u a drink hope u like it she takes a drink and says a long island ice tea yes thnxs that was sweet of you to do. aftr sitting for a lil bit with her legs drapped ovr his on the couch she says ooh i like this song will you dance with me he replies sure i thought youd nvr ask , she reaches out to him and he gets up off the couch as they are dancin in each othrs arms he continues to carese the sides of her breast with brushes against the front of her breast as well arousing her nipples yet onced again. Aftr a few mins she says why dont we take this into the bedroom when they reach the bedroom he notices that she has candles lit in there as well and soft music playing in there as well she stretches and says boys my body is achy you know what would be nice about right now he replies no what she replies a nice hot bubble bath he says ok and yes that does sound nice so she takes him buy the hand into her bathroom and he notices that she has a garden tub which is plenty of room for two ppl to sit in comfortably and not be cramped she runs the water and adds the bubble bath and he notices that she has candles in the bathroom as well and he comments you really like candles dont you she replies yes I do hope u dont mind this just kinda helps me unwind from a long day he replies no not at all she slippes outta her nighty and into the bathtub she invites him to join her and he says sure thing he sildes in behind her and she leans back into him as he wraps his legs around her they bask in the warmth of the bath for about 10 mins when she says ok im nice and relaxed now are u ready for something else he replies yes she stands up and puts the shower on so that they can rinse off from the bubble bath, aftrwards she hands him a towel and wraps herself in one as well and they go back into the bedroom where she walks ovr and sits down on the bed and pats it and says c'mere and sit down next to me when he sits down next to her she kneals down in front of him and starts to massage the inside of his leg and gently starts to massage the head of his cock as he becomes aroused she then begins to place light butterfly kisses across the head of his cock he moans oooh baby I like that she then begins to gently take each inch of his slightly hard cock into her mouth and begins to suck on it at first she sucks softly then begins to suck harder and harder untill she knows that hes just abt at his boiling point so she then suggest would u like to titty fuck me he replies gruffly OH YES GAWD YES CMERE BABY sit on ur bed and let me fuck those beautiful tits of urs as he does this she knows that she has had him worked into such a frenzy that she knew it wouldnt be long before he came aftr a few mins of him titty fucking her and each time the tip of it reached the top of her boobs she would lick the tip of his now swollen and very hard cock enough to make him shoot his load within the next few mins as he lets out a loud OH GAWD YES BABY IM GONNA CUM on those nice big tits of yours she just leans in and lets him cum all ovr her tits. She then leans back on the bed and he falls down next to her and says damn baby that was good she says yes hun it was. aftr they lay there for a few mins he says are u ready for ur pleasure now baby she says sure he says ok prop urself up in the bed and get comfy baby cause im gonna make u cum like you have nevr cum before he reaches up and begans to caress her tits and nipples and then he places light soft wet kisses on each of them making sure to pay close detail to each nipple as he does so she lets out soft moans of pleasure and he whispers u like that dont u baby she replies with a soft sexy yes he then begins to place soft kisses down her stomace and down each thigh and back up each one as he stops to caress her wetness in between her legs he lets his fingers slide in and out of her soft wetness for a few mins before he places kisses upon her wet and hard clit thats just begging for attn he askes her what she wants she replies i want you to eat my pussy he says i cant hear you baby tell me what u really want she says louder I WANT YOU TO EAT MY PUSSY he replies oh really now how about I do this and he blows on her clit she respondes with an arching back and says YESSSSSS he says oh u like that huh baby she replies mmmhmm he then takes the tip of his tounge and flicks her now even more wet clit letting it run across it for just a few mins she archs her back and says OOOHHHH he replies you want more huh she says oh pls yes he says then tell me what u really want she replies I WANT U TO BE A DIRTY CUNT EATER he says damn baby u know what you want as he spreads her lips apart and starts to lick and suck on each and every inch of her pussy stopping to pay plenty of attention to her even wetter clit and letting it slip inside of the wetness of her pussy he then takes two fingers and slips them inside of her with the tips curled up to hit her g-spot she moans with pleasure and begins to fuck herself with his fingers he begins to suck even harder on her clit he can now feel her starting to climax as she begins to moan even louder YESSS oh YESSSS OO_00 im gonna cum oh baby yes oh baby oh baby YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS she wraps her legs around his head and he continues to lick and suck and lick and suck untill she comes again ovr and ovr and ovr untill she cant take ne more her legs go limp and he crawls up nxt to her and lays beside her on the bed she snuggles up against him and they drift off to sleep when he wakes up he notices that shes no longer laying nxt to him and spots an extra robe laying on a chair in the bedroom he slips it on and finds her in the kitchen cooking some food with her back to him at the stove he walks in quietly and puts his arms around her and kisses her on his neck and turns her around to face her and says well baby did I make ur fantasy come true she replies yes you did and I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH Thank You
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Just A lil something I wrote
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Posted:Mar 30, 2006 8:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 5:34 am
1678 Views
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It was a beautiful summer day as a sexily dressed women with Drk brwn eyes was out shopping at her local shopping mall , as she was standing in frnt of an elevator waiting to take her to the nxt level of the mall she noticed an attractive man approaching the elevator as well as he walks up to stand next to her to wait for the elevator he accidently brushes up against one of her breast which sends chills down her spine and causes of her nipples to begin to get hard when the elevator arrives to the floor where they are waiting on for it standing nxt to each othr she slowly peeks at him hopeing that they would be the only ones to get on the elevator as the door opens he steps aside to let her enter the elevator first and then enters behind her and walks ovr to stand behind her as the door closes he whispers " nice breast & nipples " as he brushes up against both of her breast this time to arouse both of the nipples he then reaches up behind her inside of her shirt and slips his hand discreetly under neath her bra to cup both her breast in his hands as he whispers in her ear huskily boy would i love to play with those even more as he begins to gently nibble on her ear and kiss her neck she moans softly and leans back into him she can feel his cock is beginning to get hard thru his blue jeans so she reaches behind her and starts to rub it thru his pants
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Black panties
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Posted:Mar 30, 2006 7:28 pm
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2006 10:10 pm
1843 Views
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The Black Panties
Anna had lost her husband almost 4 yrs ago. Her was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another, and after dating for a couple of weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Wisconsin.
Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties, he was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in
mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him & asked: "What's with the black condom?"
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
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To link to this blog (rm_SEXYEYES2U) use [blog rm_SEXYEYES2U] in your messages.
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