Am I THAT special?
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Posted:Nov 4, 2007 7:16 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2007 7:16 am
2414 Views
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I received an email from a man the other day. I was impressed only by the presumptuous nature of the email and did not answer it. I have an auto-reply (which I've included below) that I think says all that needs to be said. Then this evening, I got another email from the same man. The content is below as well. After receiving THAT one, I'm even more relieved I didn't reply to the first one. YIKES!!! Am I off-base here? I don't think so. This man did not meet one of my preferences which I consider important. Actually I consider ALL my preferences important. I guess he didn't...oh well!!!
Tonight's email:
You think you are so fucking special as to not respond persnonaly to every note sent to you, NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!
My auto-reply:
Please don't be offended if I don't answer, there's none intended. I thank you for contacting me and will reply if I feel we'd be compatible! To those with whom I've already begun a correspondence, not to worry, I'll answer! To those who choose to disregard my "requirements," don't expect an answer: you won't receive one. If you haven't filled out your basic profile questions, such as height, body type, etc, don't expect an answer. In other words, if you "prefer not to say" I "prefer not to answer!"
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Rolling my eyes...again
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Posted:Nov 3, 2007 8:30 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2007 11:38 pm
2094 Views
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I was browsing through the "who's online" profiles...after setting the filters for those who have the testicular fortitude to actually put some sort of photographic evidence on their profiles...and was (as ever) astounded at the way some men perceive themselves. I continue to be shake my head at the preponderance of "dic pics." Do any of the male types on this site actually think beyond the size of their "junk?" (just using a term I saw in a...[yep you guessed it]...fella's profile) As I prepare to set my clocks back...I continue to wonder.
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My first love
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Posted:Oct 2, 2007 7:15 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2007 6:11 am
3467 Views
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I received an email tonight. It was from my friend Rick in Seattle. No, Rick is not my first love! Although I love him dearly, my first love is music. Rick is my prime purveyor of internet silliness, naughtiness and amazing videos and stories. He had sent this particular video a few months ago and I suspect many of you received it as well. It was Paul Potts' first audition on Britain's Got Talent. Paul was the cell phone salesman with the most glorious tenor voice–something quite unexpected in that venue. After listening to him sing Nessun dorma again, I decided to google him to see what he's up to these days. I was not surprised to see he has put his debut album to bed and it's available for sale on Amazon and elsewhere. As I listened to Paul sing, I was reminded how much I've neglected my own singing for far too long. It seems I get involved in "other things" and forget to do what I really love the most. I'm playing my French Horn again and loving it (and actually getting paid for it). The only time I really get to sing is when I'm trying to teach parts to my little church choir. Although I love being the choir director, I do miss performing.
I'm singing at a wedding on Saturday. Two of my dearest friends' is getting married. It's not a traditional wedding by any stretch. Their is a lesbian and is marrying her partner. This will be my first gay wedding. I'm glad it's with friends because I'm still really not sure how I feel about the whole gay marriage thing. I guess it really doesn't matter does it? As long as the couple is happy, it's really not relevant. I also told the bride's mother I would be happy to be an honorary aunt. You see–her extended family has rejected her honesty about her sexual orientation and have refused to attend the wedding. I think that is a horrible thing...to reject one's niece for any reason...but especially this. I'll stop now. But when I sing on Saturday, I want the happy couple to know that I sing for their happiness and love. I want them to know that I'm doing what I love best so they may start their new life together with the one they each love best. That's my wish. And thank you Paul Potts for finally believing in yourself. I am inspired by you.
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A Fantasy...continued
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Posted:Dec 13, 2006 2:05 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2008 1:15 pm
3948 Views
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One of my readers continued this fantasy of mine via private email. I asked his permission to post it, which he graciously gave. I couln't have said it better myself!!! *weg*
As we ride upwards in the elevator you seem distracted, not quite sure about this whole experience. I look at you as you nervously tug at the corner of your lower lip.
Are you thinking about putting a stop to this before it’s begun? Then suddenly you turn towards me and I feel your lips as they brush softly across mine...then taking my lower lip and very gently sucking on it, hummmm I loved that–the gentle tug with your teeth–you then move up and give me a long deep passionate kiss. Your tongue goes in and searches for mine, as they meet they begin to move together, you then search for my tongue with your lips and begin to suck as though it was the sweetest piece of fruit. We enter my hotel room and I am so hard for you–you have teased me all the way here. Our bodies are close together as I pull you even closer..I kiss your cheeks and your chin, kissing down your neck and around the sides I reach your ear...I whisper in your ear just how much I want you..how hot you make me...how much I want you.
Your hands glide across my chest, you undo one shirt button at a time followed by a kiss on my chest, you take my shirt off, you run your hand over my hard shoulders and down the fur of my chest, taking your fingers and lightly pinching my nipples...you lean forward and lick them gently on each one and then take the hard morsel in your mouth and start to suck them. I urge you on with a moan...my hands are on the back of your head...my fingers are in your hair. You step back for a moment...I kiss you again on the lips and begin to unbutton your blouse. I slip it off your shoulders...taking control again–aware of your every breath–every move–I bend my head down and kiss the swell of your breasts right above your bra, I reach around you and unhook it, then slide it off, it falls to the floor...your breasts are bare for me...I hear a slight moan escape from your lips.
I put my hands on your breasts. Initially, I do not touch your hardening nipples. My hands caress in small circles and not before your nipples have become rock hard do I take one gently between my lips. I take my tongue and lick your nipples feeling them grow even harder from your excitement, mmmm, I flick my tongue across the tips...I emit low moans of pleasure in an echo of yours. You stop me and put your arms around me to pull me close to you...our half naked bodies touching for the first time today–your body is warm–the air in the room is cool and dimly lit–the shades drawn–your eyes on mine before we kiss again. So much is said in just a look–the electricity between our bodies–your breasts are smashed into my chest as we both can't get close enough–we want to be one. I feel the room warm up a bit as the heat radiates from our bodies. We step back. As we look into each other eyes again–we see passion, desire–and wanton lust. I sit down on the bed as I reach out to your waist you pull you to me...I bend forward and kiss your belly and then move on down to your pussy–loving all of you–wanting you to know that I find EVERYTHING about you beautiful. You can feel my warm breath through your panties as I begin to kiss you. I pull and help you step out of your panties–you are naked except for your stockings. God how I love looking at you! You take your foot and put it up on the bed next to me...your pussy is spread open and so close to my waiting mouth. I stick my tongue in, parting your lips, then flick it across your clit. You look down and your hand goes to the back of my head as if to offer your pussy to me–eager for me to stop the teasing. I hear you moan with pleasure! My tongue searches your depths...tasting your juices. I put my hands on your ass as I pull you closer, closer still, as I get deeper inside of your pussy. As I taste and lick and explore the depth of your pussy...I hear your breathing getting faster and your moans getting more excited.
After tasting your cum in my mouth I offer you my cock–you see a small drop of pre-cum on the tip..you reach with your tongue to lick it and then move your tongue very slowly across the head...I watch as the cum strings from me to your tongue. You put your tongue back in your mouth and taste my cum for the first time...UMMMM! Yes, this is what you want...your senses are on fire.
You open your mouth–you put the head of my cock in your mouth, you look up at me and see that I am watching you. You move your head closer to me as my cock slides deep into your warm mouth. You keep sucking on my cock–you love the way you make me sooo hard!
You reach down and begin to stroke your pussy at the same time, your clit is hard to the touch and your pussy is very wet. I can see you slide one finger in your pussy and begin to fuck yourself with it.
You reach up then and put your fingers in my mouth to let me suck on your pussy soaked fingers.
Our passion builds and I must be inside you now.
I lay you down on the bed as I crawl between your legs. Your legs start to spread wide; you can feel my cock rest against your pussy as I slide up your body. I am on top of you, kissing you deeply. You then reach down and slip my cock in your pussy for the first time tonight–and feel me stretching you...you let out a very loud moan. You are getting me so Hot.
I bend your knees as I start to fuck you...your pussy is awash with your juices as we begin to fuck. We move together in rhythm as we both move our hips up and down at the same time.
Your hands and nails grip my back as I hold myself above you on my hands. We gaze deep into each other’s eyes, seeing the passion grow between us.
I roll us over; my cock is still inside your very warm and wet pussy. You are now on top as you sit up and straddle my hips, my cock still deep in your pussy. You start to move your hips around and around–then back and forth and up and down, riding me so hard as you grind your pussy into me, wanting every last inch of my cock deep inside you. I reach up and start to rub and pinch your nipples; the room is filled with our sounds from our excitement and the smell of our passion. We are both so close to orgasms I want you to scream out my name. I tell you to fuck me harder and faster. I then tell you I want to have my hot cum to explode deep inside your pussy. You can feel my cock start to throb as my cum is building up. You feel your pussy start throbbing around my cock, setting me off and we both explode in a fit of ecstasy.
You lean down and lay on top of my chest, we are both sweaty, our heartbeats fast, my cock begins to shrink as our juices flow over me and down on my balls. So warm and so wet!
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A Fantasy
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Posted:Dec 11, 2006 9:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2008 1:14 pm
3933 Views
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Do you have them? I do, but I've just never written one down before. Now I have. Enjoy!!
I've stopped for a drink in the bar of a swanky downtown hotel. I'm tired and needing a drink, but I'm not THAT tired. I sit at the bar. There aren't many people in the bar and only a couple of men actually sitting at the bar. The bartender is attractive, but young, but the gentleman sitting down a few stools from me is closer to my age and very handsome....nice build...well maintained...very tall...and gorgeous eyes!! I'm dressed in my black suede suit...with not much under the jacket and the skirt, though mid-calf length, has a very deep slit up the back of the skirt. I have on thigh highs and a black lacey thong that goes with the "not much under the jacket" undergarment I'm wearing...and of course my gorgeous Italian CFM shoes! Only 1 button is fastened on my jacket...for modesty's sake...the abovementioned undergarment is quite sheer!!
I catch the handsome gent's eye...or perhaps I should say he catches me catching his eye! *g* He raises his eyebrows at me and motions to the seat next to me. I nod to him and he moves to that seat and asks me if he might buy me a drink. I accept graciously and thank him. We chat and I see him glancing, not so surrepticiously, at my cleavage. The bartender brings our drinks and as all bartenders do, notices the glances and perhaps senses the chemistry happening. I look him straight in the eye and unbutton the remaining button on my jacket. He grins, winks, leaves our drinks and goes on about his business. My companion is now unable to take his eyes off my breasts, which are now quite visible through the sheerness of the top I'm wearing under the jacket.
The bar is begining to get busier. I put my hand on his leg, which brings him just a little closer to earth and he looks at my eyes, which at this point are beginning to look pretty lusty! So are his! I can see that he's just dying to touch what he's been looking at and I smile at him and move my hand just a little further up his thigh. It's apparent he's quite aroused since the fabric of his trousers are stretched a LOT. He looks at me, seemingly asking permission, and again I smile. He reaches up with his left hand (he's seated to my left) and takes my right nipple between his thumb and forefinger and squeezes just a bit....then brushes his whole hand across that nipple and the other one. By now I'm aroused enough I could rip his pants off him right there and .... but no...the bar isn't THAT crowded yet.
I move my hand further up his thigh and find his zipper and unzip him. His jacket is open and hiding my activities from most of the patrons of the bar, but the bartender keeps glancing over and grinning, so he obviously knows what's going on. I think he's said something to a couple of others at the bar...maybe regulars....because they're looking too. I take my companion's cock out of his pants and wrap my hand around it...it's quite substantial and I so want to have it in my mouth, but not right now...I don't want to be thrown out and/or arrested!! I satisfy myself with lightly stroking him and I watch his eyes, which are half-closed and oh my is he ready!! He leans over to whisper in my ear....asks me if I'd like to continue getting to know him in his room....and I naturally accept!!
There's more of course, but for another time!
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Service...what happened to it?
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Posted:Oct 13, 2006 10:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2007 3:10 pm
3429 Views
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My friend Skier has a post in his blog Reinstitute the Draft that I thought worthy of referencing here as well as my discussion group People of New England...Speak!. I believe he has made some very good points in this post. I believe, as he does, that everyone needs to be involved in some sort of mandatory service for a period of time...two years comes to mind. That's not too long and it's not necesary for everyone to perform their service in the military. That's one point I think he could be a little clearer on before he submits this piece to the newspapers he's targeting. Think about all the programs that are woefully understaffed with overworked folks who are just too burned out to do their jobs effectively. My only concern is the fact that our government is already so bloated and bureaucratically crippled and how could they possibly manage something so massive as a program like this? I look at the legislature and see all the representatives under indictment for various nefarious deeds and most of the time, they're folks who've been in office for many years. Maybe it's also time for term limits. The office of the President is limited–why not the legislators?? I've long thought that it was pretty ridiculous that people like Ted Kennedy are allowed to remain in office for 40+ years, and that's only one example on one side of the aisle.
So tell me what your feelings are about this. I know what mine are and now you do too!
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withdrawal and decompression.......
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Posted:Oct 11, 2006 10:34 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2007 4:53 pm
3561 Views
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...it always happens like this. When I spend time with you, I have withdrawal. The intensity that is us is almost overwhelming to me. I'm not sure I've experienced this before...at least not quite like this. It's been 3 full days since I've seen you, yet I still feel your touch, hear your voice, see your eyes looking into mine as we make love. I think I want this to be just like this...always. I think most of my "withdrawal" symptoms are emotional as much as physical...maybe more so. I love it that you're so easily ready to touch me...anytime...anywhere. I love it that you want others to know how astoundingly aroused we both are at any given moment while we're together. I love it that you want me to tell you where I want to go for dinner...which museum I want to visit more than any other during this trip to this wonderful city...and I love it that you revel in my nakedness in public. I did leave that up to you after all!!! Bra or no bra? Of course I never wear panties under jeans. It just seems superfluous!!! I loved it that you felt so comfy reaching over and tweaking a nipple while we sat at dinner and I love it when you groan as I touched your aroused cock in a room full of 500+ people. So yes, I'm having withdrawal....and yes it takes a few days for me to get back to what most of the world would call "normal." I'm learning to live with that. I'm actually learning to enjoy it just a little...the withdrawal part. I find myself able to say "no" to folks who want to see me for no particular reason...simply because I wish to be alone for a bit with my thoughts and memories of our time together. That time is more valuable to me than I ever thought possible. I want those times to continue to happen for a very long time. Thank you! 
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Growing Pains
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Posted:Aug 29, 2006 11:10 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2006 11:08 pm
3898 Views
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I'm feeling better. Sorry to have inflicted my temporary neediness on you, but hey, it's my blog and I can cry if I want to!
I've been doing a ton of exploration over the past few days since my last entry here. I think a part of my pains were coming not only from personal conflicts, but business conflicts. I'm still trying to decide which direction I want my career path to follow. One would think that at my age, I'd know that by now, but it does seem to change often.
I do know that deep down, I love to teach. I also know that I will never go back into the public school system. I got out just as it was getting so politically correct and corrupt that I could no longer stand dealing with the bureaucracy. The Peter Principle is in full operaion as regards the “educational professionals” today.
My last principal was like a fish out of water. He was a redneck white man in a largely black/hispanic middle school with a student population of around 1200. He was afraid of his faculty, his students and his parents. While he required everyone to be in the halls during the passing time, he was rarely to be found other than in his office. Many of the students didn't even know who he was. They thought MrC or MrsH (the asst principals) was the principal. He was subsequently promoted into the Admin bldg doing God only knows what to further screw up a huge urban school district.
There's something wrong with that.
Anyway, I had a conversation with a wonderful friend yesterday and it helped so much. I'm beginning to be able to focus again.
Now I'll stop...I have syllabi to complete for 2 classes and school starts in a week!!!
Do you have career conflicts? Or do you have your dream career/job and want to be there for life?
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What do I want?
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Posted:Aug 25, 2006 2:04 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2007 4:55 pm
3843 Views
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I'm weepy today. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's that middle-aged menace to women, menopause. Maybe it's a combination of both or maybe it's neither. I don't know. It's been kind of a weepy week for me.
I just read another blog that recounted waking up with a lover and it was so beautifully written it brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face and at the same time transported me there in a very aroused state. I want that every morning. I wonder if I'll ever have that. I haven't yet. Aren't I too old to have missed having that every morning?
My galpal said to me the other day that she thought all I really wanted was someone of my very own–someone I don't have to share if I don't want to. Maybe she's right, but I'm not sure of that just now. There are too many residual conflicting emotions left over from my recent divorce. I never thought I'd be at this place again. As much as I love being with me, it's not enough. I do know that.
I also know that I'm in no condition to make that decision right now and likely won't be for awhile. I have too many personal issues to sort out. I have too many demons to excise and I need to allow myself the time required for that. Sometimes it's really hard. I have to accept that it's hard and keep on plugging away.
I sometimes wish I had the resources to just run away from home for an extended period. I don't suppose that would solve anything so it's probably best I don't have that capability.
What do I want? I don't know. Do you know what you want? Does anyone really know?
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Scar Tissue
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Posted:Aug 20, 2006 7:13 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2007 12:26 pm
3856 Views
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I have plenty of it...I suspect more than I really want to know about...at least not all at once. I suppose knowing how I grew all this stuff will help me to excise it and be done with it.
I know I've made two bad choices in marriage. I think I've finally figured out a little of why I made those choices. It doesn't make me happy, but it is what it is. I've made a pact with myself to never settle again...for any reason...least of all security. Not emotional security...I never had that with either marriage....but good ol' financial security. I'm not sure why I did that, not once but twice for pete's sake!
I know I've developed protective walls around me that I struggle with every day to keep them from getting any higher than they already are. I don't want them anymore. Is that enough to get rid of them? I hope so but time will tell.
I have feelings of inadequacy fairly often and I don't like what those feelings do to me. They make me defensive and aggressive and that isn't pretty. I know I'm very intelligent, very talented, reasonably attractive, and pretty fun to be around most of the time. When those days come when I'm not so fun, I just keep to myself so I don't piss off anyone unnecessarily! So why the hell do I need to keep reminding myself that folks really do like me just cuz I'm me?
I have moments of immense sadness when I remember a particular lover who is no longer in my life. After nearly 2 years, I was finally able to cry for him a few weeks ago. Thank you J for letting me do that. You have no idea how much it meant to me...then and now and always. That scar tissue seems to be diminishing now. It's time.
I see this product on the shelf at the pharmacy...it's meant to make scars disappear or at least become less noticable. I wonder if they make that for my kind of scars? I want them to go away...I don't need them anymore...they're impeding progress!!
Somebody gimme a band-aid!!!!!
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Where am I going?
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Posted:Aug 19, 2006 7:22 am
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2007 3:52 pm
3246 Views
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I was preparing to respond to another blog Activities that transport us and decided that I had enough to say to respond here instead. This post talked about activities that stop time and take us elsewhere.
I'm not sure my experiences are as intense as those I've read about in this blog and elsewhere, but they've been intense to me.
Reading, listening to and making music, and of course making love–REALLY making love–these all come to mind as I think about what moves me away from the routine of everyday life.
When I read, and it's a REALLY good book, I'm right there. I lose all contact with my physical surroundings and I'm in the story. This can happen with a movie or video as well and has on a number of occasions.
Musically, two instances come to mind. I sang in a community chorus for a number of years and had the opportunity to perform Berlioz' Requiem. Two movements, the Tuba mirum and the Lacrymosa, are scored for chorus, orchestra and four antiphonal brass choirs. The church in which we performed this work had a wraparound balcony, which is where the extra brasses were placed–one in each corner of the room. To be standing in the middle of all this awesome sound for the very first time truly moved me somewhere I've never been before. The pure power of the music went to my core. It wasn't religious, since my beliefs tend more toward a benevolent diety than a vengeful one, but it was something quite amazing. I often put my recording of the concert into my CD player, crank up the volume and sit in the middle of the room to get the whole surround-sound effect again, but it's just not the same as actually being in the middle of it all and having to sing too!!
The other instance–same chorus, different year– I was performing as soloist in the Vaughan Williams Magnificat. This is a very taxing piece, difficult to learn and difficult to sing. It's scored for mezzo, women's chorus and orchestra. I was very nervous, but my acupuncturist had offered to come to the church and give me a pre-concert treatment, which I gratefully accepted. I don't know what she did, but I do know that I don't remember much about singing this work other than the fact that I was so relaxed. I'm told I sang very well and when I listen to the recording, I always wonder if that was really me!! I don't recall actually being out of my body, but I must have been somewhere other than in that church.
Making love–the ultimate expression–and when it's right, there's nothing like it!! I've been "transported" several times in the past few years. When there's a connection that's physical, psychological, and emotional, the rest of the world simply goes away and it's just the two of you in a separate place.
I've begun to realize that I'm capable of so much more than I've ever allowed myself before. I think I like growing now more than any other time in my life. I'm determined to allow new experiences to make me better–a better person, more loving and caring, both for myself and those with whom I come in contact. I think for a very long time I didn't care much for me. I do now. I've come to value my time alone. I enjoy spending time with me and I don't think I did for a long time. I ran into an old friend last week at a party. He said to me, "I can't believe the transformation I see in you." I am different and I hope to continue to be different. I continue to search for what's best in me and I continue to work on what's not so good. It's a journey, this thing we call life. I think it's a helluva trip!!!! 
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Have you ever noticed....
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Posted:Aug 9, 2006 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Aug 26, 2006 5:52 pm
3226 Views
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...that when something special happens in your life that everything else in your life takes on a whole new aura? Perhaps a loss?...perhaps a new friend or lover?
Within the past few weeks, several very special things have happened in my life. I've welcomed some amazing new people into my little corner and that has brought immeasurable joy. But this evening I had to attend a memorial service for a very special woman who died way too soon. She was a member of the congregation for which I am the music director.
When I first began my work at this place...it was very difficult for me. It is a denomination with which I had no familiarity and with my midwestern Methodist upbringing...I had some difficulty with understanding just exactly what these UU folks are about. This woman wasn't always at church, but when she was, she always made it a point to speak to me after the service about the music and how much she enjoyed it. I'm about to begin my 8th year in this position and I will sorely miss her. She always had a smile for everyone. She was always reaching out in her own quiet way and she had a magnetism about her that was impossible to miss. She welcomed me and my music.
The memorial service was at the funeral home and the woman who was chaplain at the hospice led the service. It was brief, but very beautiful. I wish I had known "B" better, but I think I knew her well enough to know that I'd like to be more like her. She was truly a giver. She was quoted as having said, "the gift is in the giving." I like to think I'm like that, but sometimes I'm not sure. I try to be. I guess that counts for something good.
But I digress...not really though. I just got off the phone. That conversation took on a life of its own. I don't know how to describe it, but it was special...more so than usual. I believe my senses were heightened because of all that has happened to me over the last few weeks and the events of earlier this evening were simply the proverbial straw that broke the equally proverbial camel's back. I felt his presence next to me like never before. It's like he's looking over my shoulder as I type this. We said au revoir several minutes ago, but I can still hear him talking to me...still feel his arms around me. He said he would hold me close all night. I can feel him doing that now...and I wait and continue to count the days with a more acute awareness. I can see and feel and smell....and oh my. I hope this never goes away!
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I'm counting the days...
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Posted:Aug 8, 2006 11:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2007 7:28 pm
3109 Views
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...until I see you again. It's a little more than 6 days and the anticipation is building. It's been building since I saw you last–on that unexpected weekend at that beautiful mountain inn.
I feel SO desirable and sexy and loved every time I hear your voice or read your blog or think of our time together. You tell me the sound of my voice makes you hard and I LOVE that!! I thought I'd reached my quota for feeling like this, but according to you, there is no quota!! I'm so glad for that!
I'm trying to decide what to wear when I greet you. I suppose it depends on how early you arrive. Perhaps I'll wear one of my pretty, sexy nighties, or maybe I'll get dressed but have nothing at all under my clothing. No matter–I'll be totally wet, as I am right now.
Perhaps I'll leave my door unlocked and you can simply come in and find me waiting for you. I'll have to think about that. Since you've never been here before, I'll have to give you really good directions so you can slip in without my knowing when you'll finally arrive.
I'll be anticipating that first soft kiss and feeling your desire for me with your first touch. I love how you touch me all over with your hands and your mind. I feel that touch across the miles and can barely wait to feel it once again in person–and so I wait and count...soon!!!
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