talk him down off the spider
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Posted:Jun 1, 2011 5:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2011 6:49 am
4120 Views
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You know how you see the negotiator talk someone down off the ledge
well one of my friends is really really afraid of spiders. he was driving the other day and flipped out as we were driving down the road.
he was sitting on the couch and one came down behind him. i leaned over and said hon stand up and come with me. no don't look behind you and by the time i got him out of the way i lost the spider...lol
but at least he didn't flip out...
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2
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I got it
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Posted:May 31, 2011 1:30 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2011 5:45 pm
4683 Views
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My calls me from visiting her father and says
I got it
I say what
she says i got it
i say spell that last part
she says mom IT
I am like oh IT
she got her period and didn't have any stuff and her father of course doesn't have any stuff...lol
I was talked to him later and said how did that go is everything ok. he said thanks for that btw...lol and he sent her into a store to get her own stuff...
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2
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what is that doing there
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Posted:May 31, 2011 1:28 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2011 7:42 pm
4323 Views
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I walk into a garage sale and the house is half empty but they are using the kitchen and dining room as a sales area.
Cake in the kitchen has a screw driver in the pan...
they had already moved out all the silverware and were using the screw driver to cut the cake...lol
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2
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just follow the directions
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Posted:May 26, 2011 10:24 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2011 4:02 pm
5116 Views
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I dyed my hair the other day.
there is like a book of directions on how to dye your hair included with the chemicals and gloves
what it doesn't tell you is what to do when you miss your head completely, squirt yourself in the shoulder and the dye seeps through your shirt onto your skin.
i had a few brown patches to get off...lol
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4
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Occam's razor
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Posted:May 19, 2011 3:21 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2011 4:17 pm
4193 Views
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My dad is mowing the lawn and all of a sudden the part that has the blade starts to spark.
He thought it was a neighbor hood playing a prank and stuck a fire cracker under there and the friction from the blades lit it.
ummm nope
he dropped his cell phone and mowed over it...
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2
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marco polo
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Posted:May 19, 2011 3:19 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2011 4:18 pm
3852 Views
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i was driving around and got a phone call from a friend of mine as as we are chatting we realized hey you are where i was 20 minutes ago..
couple days go by and i am in a different area driving around and i call him to say where are you... just in case we are in the same area again and he doesn't answer.
I pull in to get gas and am watching the parking lot as i pump and he pulls in and gets out of his truck...
it is like we have radar for each other...lol
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1
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i cant hear you glug glug glug
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Posted:May 18, 2011 4:45 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2011 3:13 pm
4404 Views
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My grandfather is in the hospital and the nurse dropped his hearing aid in to clean with his dentures....lol
oops!
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2
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what is that noise?
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Posted:May 15, 2011 6:16 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2011 6:21 pm
4852 Views
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My had a friend sleep over last night.
I was asleep in bed and three am i hear them watching tv and giggling. and some other noise that i couldn't place.
so i got up thinking maybe the was trapped in the room and scratching on the door.
so i open the door and one is standing there wrapped in duct tape from chest to waist and the noise is the other pulling the duct tape off.
what is that? seriously...lol
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3
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stepford wife....
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Posted:Apr 30, 2011 1:08 pm
Last Updated:May 5, 2011 7:02 pm
4565 Views
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my daughters new friends mom looks like a stepford wife... beautiful perfect house, beautiful perfect hair, beautiful perfect clothes.. i was kind of scared....
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2
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( . ) ( . )
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Posted:Apr 30, 2011 1:07 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2011 4:32 pm
4957 Views
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that is the text i got last night and then again this morning while i was driving my to dance.
i handed her the phone to text for me because hey that is the safe thing to do while you are driving..
so i ask her to text back "what is that" and my 12 year old say mom that is boobs....lol
i said how do you know...
and she said mom you are so out of date....
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4
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are you sure?
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Posted:Apr 27, 2011 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2011 1:04 pm
3989 Views
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little girls should not be allowed to drive sticks on a hill...lol
i am in line to turn left and the car in front of me starts rolling backward. i beep. A LOT! i start trying to look to back up and can't and the car taps mine and stops.
i sit there a minute and the other driver doesn't pull forward and doesn't get out.
so i get out and say you rolled back into me and she says Are you sure?
i said yes and a police officer pulls up. I tell him what happened and we check the cars an i say it is fine. no damage.
I should have told him to check her out because hello how can you not notice you are rolling backward....
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1
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and he ran...
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Posted:Apr 17, 2011 5:32 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2011 7:47 pm
4744 Views
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I ran by Flock of Seagulls
I walked along the avenue.
I never thought I'd meet a girl like you;
Meet a girl like you.
With auburn hair and tawny eyes;
The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through;
Hypnotize me through.
And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn't get away.
A cloud appears above your head;
A beam of light comes shining down on you,
Shining down on you.
The cloud is moving nearer still.
Aurora Borealis comes in view;
Aurora comes in view.
And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn't get away.
Reached out a hand to touch your face;
You're slowly disappearing from my view;
Disappearing from my view.
Reached out a hand to try again;
I'm floating in a beam of light with you;
A beam of light with you.
And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I couldn't get away.
************************************************
i think this is a first for me
i am on my knees a penis in view. he is distractd texting. i blow on it through his tighty whities.
i start to pull them down and he runs! lol
i still have his undies in my hand and they are still on him so he isn't getting very far very fast but his is insistent that i let go...
now what is up with that...lol
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3
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leave it to me
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Posted:Apr 16, 2011 12:40 pm
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2011 12:54 pm
4558 Views
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I am checking out at walmart and the cashier asks to see my signature. so i hand her my drivers license and between us..we drop it right between the cash register desk and the bagging area and down it goes into the crack between them
now walmart is taking apart their counter to try and get it out...lol
hopefully i will have it back by tomorrow.
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