EwwwwwMails
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Posted:Jul 31, 2012 11:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2022 4:35 am
14156 Views
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Some of the emails I get crack me up. Here are a few of what I get. I bet guys wonder why they don't get any response. Men if you ever sent a woman an email like these you will never meet anyone.
To those that send messages like these let me salute you.
I will post new ones as they come up. Come back often I get them all the time. Please leave a comment.
Hi <<<<< Wow that tells me a lot.
Lets chat. <<< About what? You don't seem to have much to say.
Hi, my name is____ what is your name? <<< Look at my screen name ... It's Pie
I want to taste you. <<< Do I look like a frickin buffet.
Let's meat. <<<<< Steak or pork chops? Don't forget the A1 sauce.
I want to bust my nut in you. <<<< Busted nuts hurt don't they?
You have nice tits and body, wanna fuck, <<< No dinner first?
I have a dick, wanna? <<< So what? Don't all men?
I have 11 inches, do you want to fuck? <<<< Any thing more than 8 is a waste. BTW I would be walking funny for a week.
Do you want my 12 in cock? <<<< What? You trying to kill me? I could choke to death on that
hey, lets hookup tonight!! << Do I look like a trailer? Try going to U-Haul.
I will only say that some douche wanted to pay me. <<< I turned him down and reported him.
I have a car. <<<< 
I'm hung and orally talented <<<< Did your sister tell you that?
What are you looking for? <<<< If you can email me , I would guess you would be able to read my profile. Ya think?
Got another one where the guy wanted that said he is a virgin but he wants me to treat him like a little bitch and abuse him like a slut. <<< He was in his 30s. WTF?? Aren't I suppose to be the slut here. 
Watch me cum for you on cam? <<<< Why would you want to cum on your cam? Wouldn't your cam get all sticky and nasty? It would be hard to clean off I would think.
Want to make $400.00 a month on a regular basis selling me your sexy panties through the mail? And yes I'll send the cash first.<<<<<<< Do you know how much panties cost now days. Hell no.
Hi Can I be your money slave? I want to cheat and lie with my wife and spend my money on beautiful girl like you...
I also can pay your gold membership on adultfriendsfinder pay ur bills etc.. <<<<< I don't have any thing to say about this but sheesh.
Would you be interested in male half of couple with a permanent hall pass? My nickname is "MR. Tongue" <<<<< If you were so good why is your wife letting you have other women.
420 friendly with a panty fetish, how about i cum over we smoke down, get naked and i leave with your panties, ill pay for the panties, im 31 and live in ______ <<<<< What is it about me and my panties?
Just looking for some handjob <<<<< Give me a minute I have to sharpen my finger nails first.
Another man sent me 10 emails in a row each with a different pic of his dick. <<<<<< Warning Warning... Overload, 
This one said - i was called an intellectual hardon cause of my reading glasses <<<< sometimes you just can't find the right smart assed answer, lol
Another man wanted me to do him with a strapon. <<<<< Last thing I want to do is make an asshole bigger.
My wife is at work. You should come over so we can fuck while she is away. <<<< It's no wonder why your wife works all the time. She don't want to fuck you either.
when can i eat ur pussy tehe <<<<<<<< HEY leave my cat out of this.
MILKING 10 INCH CREAMER FOR YOUR COFFEE....CALL AND I'LL PUMP THE CREAM OUT... <<<<<< I'll don't think I will ever drink coffee again. UGH
Thinking about you surrounded by a group of hung black men..on your knees sucking all of 5 monster cocks one after the other. mmm..lookn good baby keep it up. Wana bend over for us? <<<<< That's your fantasy. Not mine. Now be a good boy and go jack off.
I want to ram my thick 12 inches up you ass and make you scream. <<<<< I think I am getting sick now. 
Man wrote me saying - Do you find me attractive enough to chat with? Then he sent a dick pic <<<<<<< is that your best side?
Hi having a comp. can you rate my dick please <<<<< uhmmmm -1
I want you to have my baby, <<<<< With me you use a condom or you don't use me.
I can stroke my cock on cam till i explode all over <<<< WTF?? Explode??? Sorry blood and gore just isn't my thing.
I would love to shoot with you! I was wondering if you would be interested in paid modeling work filming an adult video for my private use with me? <<<< So what are we going to shoot? Birds? As for the video. Sorry but no thanks. I have no desire to make a video so you and your friends can jack off to.
After I fuck the shit out of you I am going to cum in your pussy <<<<< With email like that the only thing you will be cumming into is your hand. Your not getting a shit covered dick any where near me. BTW. If I take a shit I will use the bathroom.
You like being dominated by a strong black man with a big black cock baby? <<< Nobody dominates me. Gives him a swift kick in the balls,
can't reed your message can't pay to upgrade membership cuz i'm married so email me. <<< never emailed him and how the hell can he email me if he can't read one.
My dick is yours if you want it, <<<< I will name it George, and I will hug it and pet it and squeeze it and love it forever.. 
Hello. I'll eat you out for a blow job <<<<< Let me go and buy a leaf blower first.
What to have cyber sex with me?. <<<< No thanks I have a cyber headache.
I am married, with a non existent sex life. Wife does not want sex. <<<< I wonder why with you cheating on her
I am great at oral and can eat pussy for hours <<<< That could mean one of 3 things. 1. you are a liar cuz your tongue would get too tired. 2. If it takes you hours to get a woman off by eating her you are not that good at it. 3. You have a small dick and is lousy at fucking.
Do you like BBC? <<<<<<< Why yes I do. The British Broadcasting Corporation has some great TV shows.
Part of an email >> I am orally gifted person and consider myself a professional oralist. If there is a certification and licensing process for professional oralists, I should pass the test with unprecedented score. <<<<< If your a professional why are you on this site? You could be getting rich doing it.
Want to ride my big fat cock <<< Why on earth would I want to ride a male chicken?
Are you ready to get down on your knees slut girl? <<<<<<; After I kick you in the balls you will be on your knees[.
I hope you don't mind that I am stroking my throbbing cock looking at your profile <<<<< You can stroke it anyplace you like but not around me.
Interested in a couple? <<<<< A couple? Of beers? I'm in.
Wanna do a gangbang? <<<<< So how do you want to do it? 5 women with strapons or 5 men fucking you in your ass? He wrote back saying - How about a simple yes or no.
MY GOD YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING HOTTTTTTTTT AND GORGEOUS DAM YOU REALLY MAKE MY COCK SOOO HARD AND DRIPPING WET FOR YOU...I JUST WISH I CAN SPREAD YOUR HOT GORGEOUS PUSSY LIPS WITH MY COCK AND SLIDE HIM SO SLOW BETWEEN YOUR PUSSY LIPS AND JUST GO SOOO DEEP THAT MAKE YOU CUM OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND JUST FILL YOU UP WITH LOTTTTTS OF HOTTTTTTTT CUM, DRIPPING OUT OF YOUR HOT PUSSY INTO UR GORGEOUS ASS.... <<<<< Don't yell at me. You just made me feel like a cum dump. Is that what you think of all women? As just a cum depository?
Do you want to play? <<<<< Let's go to the play ground. We can swing on the swings and play in the sand box.
Hey what's up girl? <<<<< Well my nipples are a little hard today.
I'm looking for someone to fuck me all the time, I think you could be the one I could fuck. <<<<<< Damn I bet your hand wouldn't fuck you either.
Hi sexi lady pleas might show me your tits. <<<<<<< Why so you can play with yourself looking at them?.
For the last 12 years I've had this fetish called ballbusting. I like to have my balls kicked kneed and squeezed by women as foreplay. It dominates my sexuality so just about every woman I've been with has done this with me. I've really taken a lot and I'm convinced that my balls cannot be broken. A while back a women argued that she could break my balls and told me that they are not as tough as I think. So I bet her $2000 to a full night with her pussy that she couldn't break my balls in 10 tries! The only rules were no objects. Just bare feet and hands and no stomps. Step but no stomp. She tried like hell but couldn't break them and I loved it. Granted she is a small woman at 5'0 and 120 lbs, but I still think it can't be done. I never fucked anyone so hard and so much in my life. It was the time of my life and all I want to do now is re-live it. So I want to make that same offer to you! Let me know if you would like to give it a try and if you think your gonna get paid or get fucked by the time your done with them. I dare you. <<<<< OMG I'm a total loss for words on this one. Just when you think you have heard everything a new weirdo pops up.
Do you mind if i get to swallow my cum? <<<<< Swallow any damn thing you want. In fact go suck a few cocks and you can swallow all the cum you can want.
I was going to meet this guy for coffee one day. He emailed me saying he couldn't make it because his wife was sick, <<<<< His profile says he was single.
You ever sat on someone's face? I want that pussy on my mouth while I vacuum it. You down for that? <<<<< leave the vacuum cleaner on the floor where it belongs.
I can't tell you how bad I want to eat your pussy. <<<<< Please leave my cat alone.
You're so hot, I'd let you give me AIDs. <<<<< Holy Shit!!!! I know that is meant to be a complement but that was creepy.
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Sweeties Bed Time Rules
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Posted:Aug 16, 2012 8:29 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2019 12:18 pm
10986 Views
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# 1: Orgasms are for me.
# 2: Do as I say or I am out.
# 3: Be fricken nice or I will bite.
# 4: Please me or else.
# 5: If you can't stay hard you better be good with your tongue.
# 6: If you won't eat me you won't get any yourself.
# 7: If you're not any good in bed I fake orgasms.
# 8: If you don't like my moaning wear ear muffs or ear plugs.
# 9: You must last at least more than an hour or two.
# 10: The more orgasms you give me the better I feel.
# 11: Wear me out so I can get a good night's sleep.
# 12: You better know what you are doing if you want me to do more than just lay there like a bump on a log.
# 13: Swallowing cum isn't dinner. Don't be cheap.
# 14: Rules were made to be broken...OMG change that!.. Rules were made to help me have an orgasm.
# 15: If I have to fake an orgasm there won't be another time.
# 16: Hope you don't mind that I will listen to my iphone and sing during sex.
# 15: You better be ok with me eating crackers in bed.
# 18: Go back to rule No. 1
These rules were written in fun only.
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