Thought of the day:
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Posted:Sep 28, 2009 12:42 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1530 Views
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"Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." - Marcel Proust
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Nudist Colony...
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Posted:Sep 28, 2009 12:41 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1547 Views
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A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blond walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies "No; what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
"No; what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.
"May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "You've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an erection once a month and I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!"
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Unavoidable Laws...
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Posted:Sep 28, 2009 12:39 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1514 Views
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These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...
1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
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Thought of the day:
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Posted:Sep 25, 2009 1:40 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2009 12:35 pm
1889 Views
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"You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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It's not difficult to make a woman happy...
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Posted:Sep 24, 2009 7:38 pm
Last Updated:Sep 28, 2009 12:35 pm
1956 Views
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A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring alcohol
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A little naughty humor...
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Posted:Sep 24, 2009 4:30 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1421 Views
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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
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Thought of the day...
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Posted:Sep 24, 2009 4:28 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1426 Views
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"Those who trim themselves to suit everybody will soon whittle themselves away." - Charles M. Schwab
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humor for today...
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Posted:Sep 23, 2009 6:10 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1405 Views
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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
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Thought of the day...
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Posted:Sep 23, 2009 6:09 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1445 Views
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"The sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present." - Sydney Smith
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Humor for the day...
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Posted:Sep 22, 2009 8:50 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2009 4:25 pm
1739 Views
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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thought of the day...
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Posted:Sep 22, 2009 11:35 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2009 6:08 pm
1809 Views
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"Do well and you will have no need of ancestors." - Voltaire
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Thought of the day....
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Posted:Sep 21, 2009 1:54 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 1:37 pm
1386 Views
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" begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." - Oscar Wilde
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Thought of the day....
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Posted:Sep 20, 2009 5:12 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2009 1:54 pm
1870 Views
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 "Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences." - Norman Cousins
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To link to this blog (urbanknight) use [blog urbanknight] in your messages.
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