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Even after nearly 10 years of swinging, I still find that some men forget the basic etiquette of pleasing a woman during sex. Occasionally they need to be reminded of the do's and don't's of getting down to business. While I'm sure women do just as many things to piss off men in bed, as a woman, I primarily have sex with men, so they will receive the brunt of my complaints.

1 - Skipping foreplay: Unless we are fucking in the restroom at a truckstop, you have time for foreplay. No excuses.

2 - Forgetting to trim your nails: This isn't a pap smear, so please don't scrape my cervix.

3 - Complaining about using a condom: I don't care if you have issues with condoms. You should have taken care of that at your last check up. The condom is mandatory so shut up and put it on!

4 - Kissing me while still covered in my pussy juice: I love it when you go down on me and eat me out, but I hate to kiss you when your face looks like a glazed donut. Discreetly wipe your face on your shirt/pants/sheets.

5 - Expecting me to do all the work on top: Let's face it, girl on top is pretty hot, but don't expect me to do it all day. Roll me over and give me a little action back.

6 - Being too soft and sweet: While most women love the 'making love' moments of sex, we also like some rough and tumble action. Push me around, pull my hair and take charge! This is swinger sex after all!!

7 - Sounding like a squeaky toy: Sexual noises are exhilarating and women love to hear they are pleasing just as much as men, but if you come off with a squeak, whine or girlie whimper you are going to pretty much ruin the moment.

8 - Accidentally poking my ass: By now you should know where my vagina is located and where my asshole is. Keep your dick in the proper place unless otherwise directed. Those accidental pokes are no accident at all. Anal sex is reserved for those I choose to do it with. Not just any swinger partner of the evening!

9 - Forgetting to shave before a date: Most women would agree with the statement that beard rash sucks. Trying to cover up a red chin the next day isn't easy. Either let your facial hair grow a little more or shave right before the date. It will make me oh so happy.

10 - Laughing when I accidentally queef or fart: This is embarrassing no matter how it happens. You most likely put that air in there, so it must come out. Just pretend like it didn't happen so we can get back to business.

1. Its great to hear about your day, but if you are in the mood for sex, then shut up. Its hard to stay in the mood and please you if your talking about nothing.

2. Yes trim your nails, we dont want to look like we got whipped after sex, if you want to hold on, thats ok, but leave the nails out of it.

3. Kissing us covered is cum. First of thank you for doing that, it was great, but i dont want to taste my own cum. If i dont cum and you kiss us, its ok, but not when you are covered in it. Wipe it off, and then we can continue with the fun.

4. If you are enjoying yourself, and you enjoy the feeling, its ok to let us know by making pleasure noises. But if you start going into loud obnoxious screaming, just by us touching your breasts, then its way to much. We rather know that your enjoying it, then keep doing something that you dont like. SO STOP FAKING IT!!!!!!!!!!

5. Pulling hair. As much we love rough sex, but pulling our hair why im down on you, will make the guy bite you, its not fun, or feel good. We are doing a great job, and dont want to ruin it by biting you.

6. Soft cock, it happens, sometimes it has a mind on its own, and we could be so into you, and it doesnt mean we dont find you attractive or in the mood, it just happens. But we will do the best we can to get you off, so at least your satisfied.

7. I agree men should shave there face, that goes for women. Shave your legs, nothing like having hairy legs rubbing againts your face while he is going down on you. It will be best for both when you do.

8. Yes we all fart, and it happens, if we do, let us pick you up, take you somewhere else to continue the fun. Also makes more interesting in new places.

9. There are way more positions then the mussionary. Leys spice it up and try new things, so both parties are enjoying themselves, and not bored with just one.

10. After were all done and the heart rate goes down, don't say "Good Boy". Were not a dog, and the best thing to both do is cuddle and stay quiet.