Burn!!!!!
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Posted:Jul 15, 2014 9:33 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2017 8:18 am
28037 Views
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A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, , there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20′s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30′s to 40′s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and so the said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20′s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30′s and 40′s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50′s, it is like a Christmas Tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes – the root’s dead and the balls are just for decoration.”
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It's all in the presentation!!!!
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Posted:Dec 18, 2013 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2014 7:37 pm
37633 Views
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Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:
First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”
Second guy: “That’s nothing! I had to promise my wife I’d build her a new deck for the pool.”
Third guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I’ll remodel the kitchen for her.” They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What’s the deal?”
Fourth guy: “I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave my wife a nudge and said, “Fishing or Sex” and she said, “Wear a sweater.”
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The UNIVERSAL language!!?!?
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Posted:Nov 24, 2013 8:33 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2013 10:14 pm
38497 Views
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A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling. "Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow. "What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman. "Why?" he asked, "What’s the matter?" "Well," she replied, "it’s nowhere near long enough. It’ll never reach!" "No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long. "Well," she said. "That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow." "No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?" "Well," he said, "It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night."
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Another oldie ... but hilarious!!!
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Posted:Oct 23, 2013 6:29 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2014 9:24 pm
21787 Views
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A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.
A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word.
Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table.
Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket.
"OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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I just read this and LMAO!!!!!!
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Posted:Oct 16, 2013 10:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2014 9:25 pm
21626 Views
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To escape North Korea's long range missiles.
PS. No chickens where harmed in the process of posting this ....
[image]
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An oldie for you ...
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Posted:Oct 8, 2013 9:08 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2014 1:38 am
22422 Views
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George and his wife Bessie went to the county fair every year. This was their “big” event of the year. In fact, it was the closest thing they ever had to a vacation.
And each year George would say to Bessie, “I sure would like to ride in that there crop dustin’, acrobatic airplane.” And each year Bessie would say, “I know George, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars. And ten dollars is ten dollars.”
One year George and Bessie went to the fair and George said, “Bessie, I’m 81 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year, I may never get another chance.”
Bessie replied, “George, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars. And ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ve seen you here year after year. I know you’ve been wanting to ride in my airplane all that time. I also know that money is pretty important to you, and you don’t part with it lightly.”
“Tell you what, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can both keep quiet for the entire ride, and not say one word, I won’t charge you a thing. But if you say even one word, it’ll cost you ten dollars.”
George and Bessie agreed. They got in the plane and took off. The pilot did all kinds of twists, turns, rolls, and dives, but he didn’t hear a peek from George or Bessie. He tries his fastest upside roll and it was still quiet from the back.
When they landed, the pilot looked at George: “Well, I don’t believe it George, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell, but you didn’t.”
George replied, “Well, I was going to say something when Bessie fell out of the airplane ….”
“But, ten dollars is ten dollars.
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To link to this blog (castomper) use [blog castomper] in your messages.
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