SINFUL thoughts....
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Posted:Mar 8, 2013 7:25 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
13546 Views
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I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
These days sometimes when I stay up late, often I'll suddenly feel very hungry in the middle of the night... Although I've managed not to give in to my desire, I fear what it might do to me....
And just now even right after I've just had my dinner after my movie, I actually thought of having some (NICE) food again when I reached the market near my house...
GOD SAVE ME!!
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Just for Chat?
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Posted:Mar 8, 2013 7:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
13713 Views
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After so many nights.... Senseless... Sex isn't top of my priorities now. Perhaps I've been too tired... Perhaps I'm satisfied enough... Don't know for sure.
Chats, only. I used to ponder over people who ask for 'Chat only' in Local Sexy Swingers... People who just wish to meet up for 'activities'.... Err.... Activities... Just normal activities... Simplicity. For someone who could enjoy simplicity in life, I think I'm kind of slow for this.... What better ways to make things simple...? Only chats... Only activities... No pressure... Sex should have always been the thing that comes naturally with chemistry, timing and all that now... Shouldn't it? Why have we then since when complicated things so much.....?
Sometimes I think we're born into world slowly being 'equipped' with some of the most important and essential things in life... Only to be slowly stripping ourselves of them.... Like they've said, life goes on... Only in the wrong direction that is....
Is it that important to be all that rich and power? Intelligent and all?
Work seems in a way to be going for the better... With 'backup' and everything all going smoothly according to plan... I can now sort of think and see like a quantum particle.... The existence of the non-existing... And soon I shall like to let myself exist with more allowance to 'non-existence'... It's all beginning to make more and more sense to me now....
Life is like a strange 'roller-coaster'... We experience... We learn... Then we forget. I cannot forget. I think very often perhaps we just subconsciously choose not to think... It's a very simple psychological behaviour called 'denial' in some instances, others embrace it like 'comfort zone' and as a natural option to cut down day to day mental stress and energy need to face and handle 'situations'.... Just when work seems to be coming to a better, I find myself slowly drifting away... All my drives, spirits... Vapourised... Why can't the two hands just clap?
Life can be full of disappointments, sooner or later we just get used to it.... Looking forward.... Looking back.... Problems that exist continue to exist. Things that are done cannot be undone - no matter how much you would like to believe they could....
I miss gaming, I miss my energy, I miss my life back....
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Simply.....
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Posted:Mar 5, 2013 6:00 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2013 6:54 am
14322 Views
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After my run. By the time I'm home passed dinner and such, chores are waiting for me at 9.30pm.... Buddy waiting to be fed, me and clothes waiting to be washed up......
Tired. I miss sleep. To be exact, not only allowing myself to sleep enough but also sleeping well... Difficult. Since the 1st thing is already not happening, I don't foresee how I can even move on to the 2nd.... Sometimes... I wish.... I could have a whole day just to sleep it through....? Difficult. For someone like me? Not even generous enough to devote the night to proper sleeping activity.... A day? Just to sleep and do nothing else....? Is almost like wishful thinking.....
How I wish I can go one day without thinking much of anything at all.... Just doing the simplest of things, lazing on my time away..... Luxury, wasteful thinking which I am too poor to afford....?
It's strange.... But true..... Sometimes I wish I can just sleep and never wake up....? But nay..... There're so many interesting things in life..... Let's just play along and see.... I would say we're not born exactly in the worst era...? So consider ourselves lucky already....?
Too many things to be done.... So little time...... Can we just not do anything for a change?
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JACK the AdVENTURE...
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Posted:Mar 4, 2013 6:58 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2013 12:27 pm
16195 Views
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Was watching Jack The Giants Slayer... But this entry is hardly about Jack at all....
Once in a while I like to catch a movie alone... Today is one of those days....
I found my seat beside a family of 3 Europeans. I couldn't quite figure where they're from, but I suspect more like either Germany or Netherlands...? A mum and her 2 daughters... Young adult teens....
I bought myself a popcorn and drink, sat back and relax... So here my arm was on my drink... A while after the movie begun, the young lady next to me started changing her sitting position, put up both her legs on the seat and pushed her buttocks right against my hand, pinning it down tightly... I couldn't move my arm, so I tried to move my hand a little and see if I could get it out of the way... It wasn't easy... Unless I really use force (which would be awkard), I won't be able to... But as I tried moving a little, she felt it and adjusted... Pinning my arm even tighter... It was only after a while that she decided to loosen the 'catch' a little... As I was trying to slide my arm out of the way, she pushed her butt into my hand once again... By then I was having little wild thoughts.. Could she be hinting me something....? Then it happened.... She started grinding her ass against my hand... There's NO WAY she could have not know my hand was there.... Adjusted her pose so that my hand was really against her 'inner' inner thighs... Started grinding again.. And I ACTUALLY felt her slowly PUMPING her ASS against my HAND.... Shortly after, FEELING pulses of her TIGHTENING and CONTRACTIONs of her buttock..... It WAS KILLING me.... I couldn't remember how long was it since the last I fingered someone, but this is actually BETTER... MUCH BETTER... I COULD HAVE SWORN I COULD SMELL HER GETTING WET WHILE DOING ALL THAT.... I DO have a VERY SENSITIVE NOSE to LADY's NATURAL FLOWING JUICE.... I started moving my fingers a little along her inner thighs against her jeans.. It wasn't a very thick jeans... Though it's no thin satin or lace, I KNEW she was FEELING ME.... She ADJUSTED FURTHER in RESPONSE to IT.... Opening her legs slightly more and PUSHED FURTHER into me.... It was a TREMEDOUS DIFFERENCE... I COULD ACTUALLY FEEL IT SO WELL... My hand WAS RIGHT BETWEEN HER LEGS AND ON HER PUSSY... I STARTED RUBBING and FEELING HER A LITTLE... I COULD HAVE SWORN HER LIPS WERE SWOLLEN.... She PARTED her LEGS even more IN RESPONSE to IT and didn't quite move after.... I CAN IMAGINE HER ENJOYING IT AND GETTING WET... By then the movie was coming to an end.....
What an ADVENTURE 'Jack' and the princess must have had...? 
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I LOVE it SHORT!!
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Posted:Mar 3, 2013 4:42 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
14308 Views
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Chaos... If there is one word to describe it, it would be 'CHAOS'.... Too many things have been running through me... Too many to be done and to have been thought of, to be think through.....
Weekend seems an extremely SHORT one. In fact, BURNT. There is no feeling... Not even pain... Just numbness.... A feeling which is better left undescribed. Stocked up - are chores... Which must be done, needs to be done or can't even be thought of or remembered....
I feel my wings are eager to spread....
Sex. I miss it. Good one. Long, nice ones.... I sit wondering when would be the next time I come in here to blog without saying or feeling that I miss sex.... That 'emptiness'.... That so far couldn't be filled. There're sometimes frustrations... Feel like dropping it altogether as it could often feel so 'empty' and meaningless after a while.... Each time it seems sex has not been done 'correctly'. I miss massage too.... Same thing, GOOD ONES of course....
Back to shit from Monday onwards.... On top of all those which needs to be done..... Projects, demands and requests that need to be met.... That endless list of it.... It was obviously a good job done over this weekend. But why do I feel...so meaningless...? I know there won't be recognition... I know I'll still need to consider... What needs to be done would still have to be done.....?
"Where have you been?" they asked... Sorry.. No time to even check my personal e-mail.... Not even office's properly.... I'm like a superman..... "Fly..... Fly..... Fly...."
Weekend. SO SHORT. Don't even have time of my own..... No time to eat, SHIT, SLEEP.... Niteven time to think about it..... CHORES - it's like a prison, and I'm slowly losing myself......
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The Extreme DaYz.......
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Posted:Mar 1, 2013 8:13 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
14590 Views
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Present were the tiring days, but the extreme days have arrived... It seems like a long run without end in sight. That move on and on seems the only logical option...
Very tired.... Trying to balance... No rest. There'll be more to come. Busy ever after these days... I know there'll be more important things to come... I'll need to stay focus.
I'm tired. My body is telling me "No". But my mind is the stubborn unwilling one... Always pushing to the limits..... Really felt like shooting online tonight. But that feeling is quickly over-ride by that lack of energy.... I realised that 'online shooting' IS a form of 'extreme sports'.... Tear you down even quicker than you think under the wrong conditions.....
02/03/13. I thought there could be other activities which I can do tonight.... But I think I'll just be physically challenging myself.... Need rest for now. Boy... DO I hate my work or what....??? 
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SLEEP. SeX. PaRTy. ANd VIDEOgames.
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Posted:Feb 27, 2013 7:23 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
14789 Views
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For too many nights I've not been having proper sleeps... Tiredness at work and the headaches are starting to kick in... I thought I should be sleeping early tonight. My thought started around 9plus and it's already over 11pm now... I also figured that there might be a 70% chance that I would not be doing that.
WORK is plenty... Tomorrow is going to be another tightly filled day. Have not been able to do my runs... No way to 'stress relax'... That's why I got so 'addicted' to gamings for the past few days... I thought sex might be a good way to release stress too...? Doesn't work. Don't know... It doesn't seems like sex wasn't good enough... Not satisfying enough...? Not enough chemistry..? I hate it when I'm over-relying on sex and hooked to it..... It's strange... The way people 'want' and 'don't want' you... Not even wanting to consider you when they don't know you.... Wanting you that much when they know how good you can be... I thought good massages might be a good way to release stress...? Don't know... Have not been doing that for a while... I can still remember the times when I really liked / loved it.... When I reminded myself that I should be doing that often... The feeling was good... It feel like you're finally away from this world for a while.... Like taking an 'overseas holidays'....
There're chores to be done but I feel like doing nothing today. Today I'm ACTING on my own. Not reacting to things... Too long I had been doing the things I 'need to do' at work... For now I just go for the 'want to do'..... Got to set my mind free for a while... Let it breathe.... So long as it's not that 'life-threatening' pressing, I shall not react to them.... Got to be 'irresponsible' for a while....
Been doing alot of 'good jobs' at work... These days I don't feel much of a thing... Is it my tiredness..? But this is only the beginning.....? Work culture also seems better these days... But somehow I've got a feeling they're not real. Those bosses at work are just too damn good at psychology that they can play around with your mind so much.... I know them too well and seen how they do things.... Not real...
WIsH FoR a PArTY but seems like it might not be happening...? Already SO TIRED and MORE THINGS to COME... I WISH for a PARTy where I CAN gO CRaZy....
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Run for Life....
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Posted:Feb 25, 2013 7:14 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
14488 Views
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These days... OTs are like dark clouds hovering over my life... Not a dim of light... No glimmer. Perhaps it would be better if I just stick to my 'original' plan...? Perhaps to lay low and focus on the other... Economical sense... Totally does it now, doesn't it... Isn't it just how people think these days...? Even governments and companies making decisions which make 'total sense', but leaving humans like machines without feelings... But then again, how could I....?
I know myself too well to cross this hurdle. My interest, my dreams, my fights, my challenges... This STUBBORNNESS inside of me..... How can I let go....?
It has been a while since my last run... OTs are REALLY KILLING IT... Not even sure if I would be running tomorrow... ~Sigh~
Although I'm now much more well-controlled, I WISH I'm not sch a 'sex-driven' person sometimes... Just spending more time doing the mindless and simple things... How nice that would be....?
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Constant motionn.....
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Posted:Feb 22, 2013 1:40 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
13833 Views
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A body in motion tends to stay in motion.... From the beginning till the end.... And not quite the end... But the heightened thoughts and senses prepare the body.... Tantra states the 'original beginnings'... The body needs to be at 'rest', but not for too long... The body 'in motion' needs to stay in motion, but not overdone.... The body in 'constant flow' of motions and emotions....
The body at rest tends to close its eyes and be at rest. The body put at rest tends to stay at rest and not be put into motion... A body which is put to a willing 'test'....
A body which is constantly 'kept'. A body which is believed to be..... A body in motion which cannot escape its motion... A body which is willing in motion....
A body which is not 'started' cannot be in motion. A body in motion need not be on its appearance. There're 'emotions' and 'notions' yet as easily put to rest.
A 'need' in motion begins with 'emotions'. When not put to rest, is a constant. The 'constant' of an emotion cannot be put at rest. It feeds on one another.
The 'Tantra of beginnings' relies on options... Each beginning linked to its 'founder'... It is pure and bold, cannot be 'submitted' but only 'admitted'....
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Change.
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Posted:Feb 21, 2013 5:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
13456 Views
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Go to mum's place, pick up a costume for tomorrow. Go home, feed rabbit, clean cage. Shower. Doing the things that you've got to do... Doing the things that you enjoy doing.... Venture. Taking risks... Mingling with people... It's all part of life...
He said otherwise it all might not happen.... I totally agree....
21.02.2013. Our way of seeing things... Sometimes challenged... Other times twisted... I'm beginning to take baby steps towards it.... A path has opened itself. I'm looking at it... Thinking..... Hesitating...? Nope. What for? It has always been what I wanted.... In a way....? I know it's "to each their own".... Always has been.... Would continue to be this way..... My spirit is high, productivity is high, performance is excellent. Why not take it now? Why wait... To be wasted? Should I wait and be guilible for another 5-10 years...? I certainly don't think so?
Shift... Change life.. When you can't, you're at the mercy of others... Lie low... Be humble. When you're not at the mercy of others.... Be humble anyway? Shape life the way you want it to be. Be happy. Be contented. But do not compromise... Be who you really are.... Do what you can really do....
Make BIG plans.. Make sound strategies.. You'll only get to live ONCE. What is the real meaning behind that....? ? Break free from your chains, nobody can free you unless you allow them to..... Take two steps back....
Too long... Been too long.... It's time to take a walk... It's time to make for flight... Peak of a dragon......
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The Executioner.
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Posted:Feb 18, 2013 7:11 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
11311 Views
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(I'd always come in Local Sexy Swingers 1st thing opening up my IMC to browse through the ladies who might be online... Today my 1st and only thought is yours truly here... I think I really have changed...?)
When I took on the project some time back, I was enthusiastic and all embracing... Then the project leader was changed (not me, was never me), followed by a member. That 'important' person had opted out, claiming that she'll be too busy.... I tried to think little of it. The new member is someone we often happily hang out with. The new team leader is someone I've always thought could be potentially the most difficult to get along...
Today I can see the ship's about to wreck... The new member turns out to be someone extremely unhappy with the management and somehow is hell-bounded to sabotage and jeopardise the project... The new project leader whether knowingly or unknowingly supporting the member's moves can only proves herself to be an idiot... Because at the end of the day, she'll be the person most responsible for the handling and answering of the project... Unless she's thinking of doing things her USUAL style again, that is to push all blames to others (most likely me...). Don't worry, I'll be VERY prepared. Another thing is... Most people would have known her style too well by now.... Sometimes I wonder if the real reason for that 'important' person to opt herself is really because she's not confident of controlling the situation...? Or is it... She really just wishes for me to experience working with the other two...? See how things might turn out to be...? No matter. I love 'challenges'... Even if it means me 'failing' at the end of the day... 'Winning' is not everything to me now... It's really more like the experience and the learning process...
I'd always thought I'm the 'great brain'. The 'smart leader'. Think I was wrong... So very wrong.... It's true. Materialistic objectives ain't everything in a team. Human factors are crucial too.... I realised that despite the fact that I could be so close to 'perfection' in my executions of work and projects, I've always often (since too very long ago, like from the army days...) overlooked the needs and feelings of others... This 'new member' is actually a speaking voice from the floor... A voice which is missing in me.... A crucial part which is missing in balance within me.... It's a very genuine, I can hear and feel it.... In fact I was part of that voice just not too long ago.... The 'new leader' is just someone who holds something against me. Yet thick-skinned enough to always ask for my help and advices... That person who always make things difficult for most others just for her own selfish benefits.... The person who often thinks too little and mostly for herself.... I cannot imagine us falling under her hands... It'll be so wrong... So stupid... Tragical... She's one of the valid reasons why 'leaving' is an option for me today.....
No matter... I'll just take a back seat now and see how this project might sink or float (by chance?) accordingly... Time to let go and just let them do it...? Who knows they might really have some good ideas up their sleeves...? 
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Sex buddy?
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Posted:Feb 17, 2013 7:52 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
11142 Views
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A friend of mine asked me a question the other day... "Do you have a sex buddy?" My answer was "no". "Why not?", she asked. I told her I couldn't get one... It's not that I've not given it a thought... I think I'm really not trying hard enough. Like I know there're alot more I could be doing... Perhaps the 'know hows'... Yet...? I think there's this mental block in me.
It's not easy... Because often sex buddy is also a human... There would be an established relationship and after a while feelings just develop... Too often. And there's really nothing wrong with it. Just human nature... I've been there and done that, and I must admit it need not necessarily be a bad thing... That is developing into a true stable relationship and such...? Just that it's not what I'm looking for now... I even told her I used to be straightforward about it. Like she have also mentioned, important 'rules' are usually stated upfront... I told her in the past... If a sex buddy develops much deeper feelings, expectations and demands from me, I'll leave her.... Though often that extra bit of 'sweetness'.... 'Coating' from a sex buddy can often be very desirable...? Yet when I look back, I can't help but to feel I'm a very cold individual for doing such a thing... Leaving her there and then. My feelings for her too.. I'm not without feelings. Just that if it went on further, my own feelings would be out of control too... I used to question if anything's really wrong even if two people just started to develop feelings on that context... What's really wrong and bad about it....? Then I just stopped thinking... And do it that 'cold way'... My friend. She thought there's really nothing wrong with that and just the way it should be... I told her not every women think that same way...
I was cleaning my bunny's cage again.. I've read today on the 'papers' that too many pets have been abandoned... Yes, it's a chore to take care of them, but they're living things with lives and feelings too... When you loved and wanted them you bought them... When they're no longer as young, cute and attractive, you abandon them...?? (actually they can still be so very cute and fun to be with!) But regretfully it has been a while since I really spent much quality time with him... I can't help but to think of my other bunny which has pased away some time back... How I was watching him as he started to breathe difficultly...
Keeping a pet. The feeling's somehow the same as having a sex buddy...? How can you just keep her and pretend that she doesn't have any feelings when you know deep inside that she really do...? I had sex buddies who had to hold back and pretend that they don't really care as much for me just so that we can be together..... When obviously that's not the way they were feeling... This world is strange indeed?
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'Small' blog.
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Posted:Feb 17, 2013 12:32 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 3:16 pm
11020 Views
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Blogging can very often be one of my favourite past times when my mood is right... Though I wish I would not be too lengthy as I still have much I wish to do and accomplish for the rest of the day (which ain't much left...). Yet it's like holding a pen on your hand and writing like you don't know where your ink might lead you to..... Sometimes 'stopping' is not really an option....?
Simple. I wish... Once again I wish life is simple again... Work and life have been too busy and in a way 'complicated'? Not like I can't really manage at this point of time... I think I'm really getting very 'sophisticated'. (Sometimes I even impress myself? And to be honest I'm not a person too easily impressed truly..)And if given the appropriate amount of time, I would be able to accomplish so much and impress so many... Sometimes I'm very tended to eat into more time of my own life just to do that.... Good thing my ego is not that big yet? Like mentioned, really more like wish to strike a balance in life..... Love the simple moments where I can just sit down peacefully enjoying a cup of tea / coffee... Or taking all my own sweet time enjoying a breakfast..... Talk about the most simple things in life...?
There have been lots of self-reflections lately... Been a long while since I was able to do this.. I think it's really a good thing. Yet the difference is now it's actually coming from work.. It used to be all from myself.... It's good to think that work is actually merging and serving part of the meaning purposes for my life..... Work has always been busy too... I never thought I could / would spending this amount of time thinking in a different 'channel'.... What often people would refer to as the 'non-productive' portion (which can often be one of the most productive things for the future). All these reflections have been making the picture of life more 'complete'. It's no longer about me and the guessing games... It's like one day you wake up, and realised that you were actually at the bottom of this well all the time... And on top of that you actually know why you've always been there... The mechanisms etc..... I like this feeling.
Talking BIG and politics... They say it's good (important?) to be well-informed... To 'know it all' and able to present 'very good views'.... Often on the buses and coffeeshops I can hear the uncles and aunties talking about such and such... Sometimes the overly simplified ideas as they think they're giving very intelligent thoughts make you wonder if you are to laugh or cry....? Even more 'sophisticated' people coming together... To express and argue out their views... But really how many are professionals and 'specialists'...? Even the professionals could often have their thought 'mixed up'..... It's like one group is from the 'kindergartens' and the other from 'primary / prelimary' schools... Compared to your grads... Unless you're one of them or you work for them (in which you probably are liable and can't really tell or talk much), do you otherwise really think you would know what the governments are thinking without making simply 'guessing games'....? I've very often came across people who INSIST that I should / must hold political views and express my own thoughts and views over BIG ISSUES... And I also know of too many ladies who are impressed by such.. No matter to me? For those who are genuinely interested in such talks and topics, I'll say it's each to their own... For those people who IMPOSE their 'interest' FORCEFULLY upon others and try to 'put people down' in every way they can for that... It's REALLY about THEIR BIG EGOs.... Thinking 'BIG' doesn't necessarily make you ANY bigger than you already are... And it's probably the current demographics which make this current trend a probable one... Very often served just to fill out 'empty portions' of a person... Just like a religion (Disclaimer. I'm not saying religion ONLY serve such a purpose)etc.....
TIME... Seems to be moving so QUICKLY... Many dates come and go... Those that are planned and created by me are often more bothering... Those planned and created by me with the others can really be headaches... Yet it need not really be all that bad a thing? It's like the strong currents in the water bringing your boat ahead... Too strong and you won't be able to control it well nor feel comfortable with it, yet you've got to understand that it's often 'necessary evil' without which nothing could be accomplished..... Fast or slow, there's no right or wrong....
I only slept this morning... Just woke up not too long ago and there ain't much of a weekend left... But I like it. I like the sleep and rest I'd given to myself.
There is a portion in our Local Sexy Swingers profile which ask what sort of people we're looking for.... This came to my mind because I'd given something a thought lately... What kind of sexual partners you're looking forward to... Does it change over time or is it more or less a constant? If it changes over time, how often does it change? Interestingly enough, for me now it's someone who is kissable, huggable, for whom I have such a good affection, chemistry with... And of course basic acceptable physical attributes... (well, afterall it's still sex yup?  )
Well, I think I really should be going before my weekend ends... And I'll probably have to cut my 'agenda' for today short? You see? My blog really doesn't end up SHORT and SMALL like I thought it would be.... But given all factors in, it need not necessarily be a bad thing...? In fact I kind of enjoyed it...  Well, the same often goes for life...
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To link to this blog (rm_DevilCharmZ) use [blog rm_DevilCharmZ] in your messages.
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